Here’s how to meet women socially and not feel weird about it.
Is this familiar? You’re out with buddies and you notice a friend of a friend. She’s really attractive. You feel drawn to her, but you’re not sure if that’s okay. Meaning, you’re not sure what’s okay to DO about it.
Why is it uncomfortable to express attraction to a woman you meet through friends, anyway?
There are four main reasons why this might be the case. In this post, we’ll explore the exact reasons men often feel uncomfortable approaching women in their social circle and what to do about it:
Reason #1: Worried she won’t be attracted to you:
It’s already hard to be as direct or forward as you feel you should be, especially meeting someone through a social circle. This complicates the ever-present reality that she might not be attracted to you.
SOLUTION: Visit the possibility through conversation and light touch, and trust her to feel it out and say yes or no accordingly.
Not everyone is going to jive with everyone else. Hell, you might not even like her much once you start talking with her. It’s all exploration. MUTUAL exploration. If she’s not into you, it’s merely an indicator of either one of these two things:
Either (A) it’s just not a natural fit, no matter which way you go about it. Or (B) it would be and could be once you’ve dialed in your chemistry skills, so it’s an indication of how far you’ve come and what’s still left undone.
This is HELPFUL. After each of these interactions, you can assess what you think it is so you can learn and move forward.
Reason #2: Unsure whether she’s already spoken for:
If you’re not sure whether she’s in a relationship with someone already, you don’t know how far is too far to take things, and you DEFINITELY don’t want to be sketchy.
This means you might not make a move at all, when if you could solve the problem and find out her relationship status in a chill way, you can know for sure where to take things or where to leave them as they are.
Even if she is in a relationship, it’s still great to practice conversation and vibe skills with an attractive woman. Stephan Erdman of Authentic Game has an awesome story along those lines. You can find it here.
SOLUTION: Find out her relationship status in a laid-back, no-pressure way from friends and/or from her in conversation.
Here are a couple ways to do that:
1. Mention her to a buddy and that she must be taken…. feel out what he says, or just ask straight up if she’s taken if that’s more your style.
2. In conversation with her, bring dating into the conversation in a laid-back way or tease her that you’re sure her boyfriend is coming back any minute, and you don’t want to be inappropriate. (This is a total tease and doesn’t suit every kind of style, but it should get your mind jogging on what might be a good way to introduce the topic.)
Reason #3: Self-conscious “making a move” in front of friends:
There are sleazy men out there, and it’s your job and privilege to not be one of them. Also it’s not like you’re going from just meeting to making out in 10 minutes (although that might be fun!).
You’re just making a new connection, and as a sexual person (ahem, everyone is sexual, but not everyone is at ease with that).
As a sexual person connecting with another sexual person, there might be some sparks flying / chemistry involved.
SOLUTION: As long as you’re being relaxed and laid back, they’ll think you’re cool for it, not sleazy.
Because you’re a badass and know how to touch a woman through the 3 Stages of Touch, you look like you know what you’re doing, so everyone’s chill about it.
Reason #4: Afraid you’ll make an ass of yourself. What if you date and break up?
For one thing, that’s admittedly thinking WAY down the line. People date. They break up. That’s life.
SOLUTION: As long as you’re a good man throughout the process (honest, kind, etc), then you’ve done no wrong.
Breaking up is not wrong; it’s part of life.
As far as the actual approach, still you’re not being an ass as long as you’re respectful and always noticing her vibe and signals.
If she’s pulling away and you’re still pursuing, you’re being an asshole. Don’t do that. (I know you won’t!) If you’re NOT doing that, you’re golden. Nothing to worry about.
Many guys feel uncomfortable being so direct, but as long as she’s available and to your knowledge doesn’t have history with other guys there, it’s a wide open field!
Meet Women Socially in an Easeful Way
When you meet women socially, keep these reasons for being un-self-conscious in mind. Remember that the women you meet through friends are also excited to meet men they might feel compatible with.
As long as you keep these things in mind as you meet women socially, you’ll be doing well.