Here’s how to meet women socially and not feel weird about it.
Is this familiar? You’re out with buddies and you notice a friend of a friend. She’s really attractive. You feel drawn to her, but you’re not sure if that’s okay. Meaning, you’re not sure what’s okay to DO about it.
You start feeling self-conscious and lost in your own anxiety.
Why is it uncomfortable to express attraction to a woman you meet through friends, anyway?
There are four main reasons why this might be the case. In this post, we’ll explore the exact reasons men often feel uncomfortable approaching women in their social circle and what to do about it:
Reason #1: Worried she won’t be attracted to you:
It’s already hard to be as direct or forward as you feel you should be, especially meeting someone through a social circle. This complicates the ever-present reality that she might not be attracted to you.
SOLUTION: Visit the possibility through conversation and light touch, and trust her to feel it out and say yes or no accordingly.
Not everyone is going to jive with everyone else. In fact, you might not even like her much once you start talking with her. It’s all exploration. MUTUAL exploration. If she’s not into you, it’s merely an indicator of either one of these two things:
Either (A) it’s just not a natural fit, no matter which way you go about it. Or (B) it would be and could be once you’ve dialed in your chemistry skills, so it’s an indication of how far you’ve come and what’s still left undone.
This is HELPFUL. After each of these interactions, you can assess what you think it is so you can learn and move forward.
Reason #2: Unsure whether she’s already spoken for:
If you’re not sure whether she’s in a relationship with someone already, you don’t know how far is too far to take things, and you DEFINITELY don’t want to be sketchy.
This self-consciousness means you might not make a move at all, when if you could solve the problem and find out her relationship status in a chill way, you can know for sure where to take things or where to leave them as they are.
Even if she is in a relationship, it’s still great to practice conversation and vibe skills with an attractive woman. Stephan Erdman of Authentic Game has an awesome story along those lines. You can find it here.
SOLUTION: Find out her relationship status in a laid-back, no-pressure way from friends and/or from her in conversation.
Here are a couple of ways to do that:
1. Mention her to a buddy and that she must be taken…. feel out what he says, or just ask straight up if she’s taken if that’s more your style.
2. In conversation with her, bring dating into the conversation in a laid-back way or tease her that you’re sure her boyfriend is coming back any minute, and you don’t want to be inappropriate. (This is a total tease and doesn’t suit every kind of style, but it should get your mind jogging on what might be a good way to introduce the topic.)
Reason #3: Self-conscious “making a move” in front of friends:
There are sleazy men out there, and it’s your job and privilege to not be one of them. Also, it’s not like you’re going from just meeting to making out in 10 minutes (although that might be fun!).
You’re just making a new connection as a sexual person (since everyone is sexual, but not everyone is at ease with that).
As a sexual person connecting with another sexual person, there might be some sparks flying and chemistry involved.
SOLUTION: As long as you’re being relaxed and laid back, they’ll think you’re cool for it, not sleazy.
Because you’re a badass and know how to touch a woman through the 3 Stages of Touch, you look like you know what you’re doing, so everyone’s chill about it.
Reason #4: Afraid you’ll make a fool of yourself. What if you date and break up?
For one thing, that’s admittedly thinking WAY down the line. People date. They break up. That’s life.
SOLUTION: As long as you’re a good man throughout the process (honest, kind, etc), then you’ve done no wrong.
Breaking up is not wrong; it’s part of life.
As far as the actual approach, still you’re not being a fool as long as you’re respectful and always noticing her vibe and signals.
If she’s pulling away and you’re still pursuing, you’re being pushy. Don’t do that. (I know you won’t!) If you’re NOT doing that, you’re golden. Nothing to worry about.
Many guys feel uncomfortable being so direct, but as long as she’s available and to your knowledge doesn’t have any history with other guys there, it’s a wide open field!
Other resources and the bigger picture…
When you start meeting a lot of people in person rather than through dating sites, it’s natural to have feelings of self-consciousness and worries about making a good impression.
This is where dating advice that is focused on personal growth for introverted men especially comes in handy.
It’s helpful to have solid analysis and logical answers to those little voices in the back of your head, which we’ve provided on several different topics inside Introverted Alpha articles:
Here are a few of them that you might like…
- Tips for online dating and dating apps that lead to more first dates and fulfilling relationships
- Conversation tips, including how to ask open-ended questions and connect as human beings
- How to get out of your comfort zone and face your worst fears
- Dealing with self-doubt and fear of rejection so as to develop a healthy love life
- Developing healthy relationship standards, knowing your own wants, non-negotiables, and your deal-breakers.
- Breaking things off if you’re going in different directions or if you’re not the right person for each other.
Meet Women Socially in an Easeful Way
Next time you meet women socially, keep these reasons for being less self-conscious in mind. Remember that the women you meet through friends are also excited to meet men they might feel compatible with.
As long as you keep these things in mind and treat various situations as learning experiences, you’ll be setting yourself up for the best outcome.
For more on how we can help you take your skills to the next level, not just in terms of meeting women in person, but in your general dating life, go here to check out our program.
You can also listen to audio reviews from clients, and what their experience was having a dating coach in their corner who helped them do the personal work to overcome their internal and external challenges and become their best selves.
And if you’ve not gotten our free ebook yet, definitely do that. It will walk you through an exercise on finding and bringing out your best qualities that make you your own unique man, helping you build self-love that leads to more confidence in the present moment.