3 Ways to Build Confidence and Self Esteem for Introverts

3 Expert tips to grow your confidence and self esteem

When your confidence and self esteem grow into something more than just buzzwords, you’ll start to see how they can impact every area of your life – not just dating!

Take it from this IA reader (we’ll call him Dave):

“I always thought, ‘She’s too attractive for me,’ or some other excuse. But now, I’m aware of who I am, I’m aware of my strengths and weaknesses. From a positive standpoint, I know what I have to offer; I know what I can contribute to the world and to a relationship. Having that confidence allows me to pursue what I truly want, including some opportunities that I wouldn’t have allowed myself to previously.”

And how about this testimony from someone we’ll call Josh:

“I can sense some more confidence building up. Like being able to make more eye contact, smiling, and learning how to gauge a reaction. It kind of makes being around and interacting with women a lot more natural, compared to how my life has been post college working in the tech industry and having mostly guy friends. So that’s kind of awesome :)”

Even if you have low confidence (and even if it’s felt that way forever!), it can still get better! 

Today, we’re going to cover # practical ways to build your confidence and self esteem.

And don’t worry… none of that “fake it till you make it” nonsense!


A practical hack to build your confidence and self esteem

When you can grow your confidence and self esteem, you’ll catch yourself truly enjoying your life, growing positively from your dating experiences, and looking forward to the future with hope and optimism.

High confidence and self esteem takes time and intentionality to build, and there is always room to grow!

Before you start implementing the plan laid out in this post, be sure to download free 22-page ebook for even more strategies to strengthen your confidence.

It’s called “Why PUA Doesn’t Work For Introverts & What Works Instead” – don’t forget to download it now so you can circle back after you read this post!

Now, let’s dive in! 


1. Pinpoint your starting point

Before we can explore where you’d ultimately like to end up and figure out how to get you there, it’s important that we look at where you are at right now!

It’s like pulling up directions on your phone: you can pull up a location like Dallas, yet driving there from Denver will require a very different journey than driving from NYC!

In order to know what areas to work on to build your confidence and self esteem, you must first understand who you are and what parts of yourself you like and don’t like.

As it turns out, introverts are usually quite talented at introspection. This is a huge strength!

As an introverted man, you may prefer to spend time…

  • Journaling,
  • Sitting quietly and thinking,
  • Walking in nature,
  • Taking a long drive, or
  • Meditating…

…to define your own characteristics and how you feel about them.

As you think, frame your strengths as things that you want to develop further. Think of your weaknesses as challenges to be overcome!

In short, on your journey to build confidence and self esteem, step one is to ask, “from where?”


2. Determine your goals

While the first step is all about where you’re starting from, this next step is all about figuring out where you’re going. In essence, it’s asking, “to where?”

We recommend that you start by writing a list of some goals or desires you have. It could end up looking something like this:

I am…

  • shy, so I want to get more comfortable meeting new people;
  • a hard worker, so I want to give myself some credit, take pride in my accomplishments, and get better at accepting compliments;
  • currently overweight, so I want to eat healthier, work out more often, and feel more content in my body;
  • passionate about my beliefs, so I want to speak up with confidence when I share my beliefs and values; or
  • extremely caring, so I want to keep empathizing while prioritizing my needs with healthy boundaries, communication, and self care.

Whether your list is twenty goals long or one big item that affects many areas of your life, it’s imperative that you take the time to decide exactly where you’d like to go.


3. Craft a detailed plan

Many people make a list of goals… that later gets crinkled, lost in the back of a drawer, and is never to be seen or thought of again.

So how can you keep that from happening?

Making a plan is about creating action-based goals that are specific and achievable.

For example, how will you know for a fact when you have “built  your confidence and self esteem”?

That’s hardly a black-or-white state of being that you can measure to know when you have reached it. Therefore, it’s not yet helpful to you.

In this step, we’re going to take the goals you wrote down and define them clearly so that you can measure your progress over time!

  1. Map out a series of milestones, and make them as specific as possible.
  2. Under each milestone, create a list of 3 to 5 specific things that need to happen to count that milestone as “achieved.”
  3. Attach dates or deadlines to each milestone goal.
  4. Track your progress (print out a sheet with check boxes, put some gold stars on the fridge, whatever works for you!).
  5. Bonus: share the list with someone who will hold you accountable, celebrate your successes, and encourage you when things get hard.

Let’s create a hypothetical plan using one of the examples above.

We have the goal: “I am currently overweight, so I want to eat healthier, work out more often, and feel more content in my body.”

  1. Pick some milestones: you could choose 5 different goal weights (progressively lighter) or a series of smaller pant sizes.
  2. Identify 3 to 5 specific ways to make that happen: perhaps to get to the first goal, you want to go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week for an hour each time, or even start with easy bodyweight exercises at home. Then once you’ve hit the first milestone, you could add in a nutrition plan like the Mediterranean diet. You could build on the plan to hit the next milestone by counting calories and making sure you are in a caloric deficit.
  3. Choose deadlines: Maybe you want to lose 10 pounds per month or go down a pant size each quarter.
  4. Track your progress: check it off a tracking sheet each time you go to the gym, hit your calorie goal, and eat according to your nutrition plan.
  5. Share your goals and deadlines with your best friend or your brother. Ask him to check in on your progress on those dates!

You get the idea. 

Keep your goals reasonable so that you can reach them without adding too much extra stress.

Once you’re happy with your list, goals, plan, and deadlines, all that’s left is to actually go do them!


Conclusion on confidence and self esteem

confidence and self esteem

Now that you have a better of idea of how to build confidence and self esteem and where to start, you’ll be able to do so authentically (and even enjoy the process!).

For more personalized support in building confidence and self esteem, consider our Magnetic Confidence program.

In Magnetic Confidence, you’ll discover how to…

  • Get noticed by quality women,
  • Replace “nice guy” patterns with genuine strength, and
  • Develop an unshakable sense of confidence and self esteem.

When you’re able to confidently draw out your unique, genuine personality, you’ll easily create wonderful, lasting connections with others, especially women!

Find out how to become the best magnetically confident version of yourself now.


Micayla from IA
Micayla from IA
Micayla is resident writer here at Introverted Alpha, which is known as the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of our 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts with Finding Your Own Vibe.

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In this powerful free 22-page ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts And What Works Instead,” you will uncover… 

–> 3-step exercise to find what makes you uniquely attractive

–> Why the “pickup artist” approach will never work for introverts and what works instead

–> How to attract women naturally being your best self

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Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts With Finding Your Own Vibe.

In this powerful free 22-page ebook, "Why PUA Doesn't Work for Introverts And What Works Instead," you will uncover...


--> A 3-step exercise to find what makes you uniquely attractive
--> Why the “pickup artist” approach will never work for introverts and what works instead

--> How to attract women naturally being your best self

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