How to avoid the “waiting for her to initiate touch” trap…
Can you relate to any of the following statements?
“A woman initiating the touching dramatically improves my confidence, but doesn’t happen all that often.”
“I usually don’t touch until a gal feels comfortable touching me.”
“I’ve been told months after the fact that someone was amazed that I didn’t make a move and she ended up thinking I wasn’t interested.”
These quotes — taken from our Touch and Intimacy survey — reflect one of the biggest dating traps out there: waiting for the woman to escalate intimacy.
On the surface, waiting makes a lot of sense. Why gamble and risk making things awkward when you can stay safe and wait for the green light?
Unfortunately, women don’t carry stop lights with them. In fact, most women are “conditioned” by gender roles to hold back from making the critical first move.
So what happens when you’re waiting AND she’s waiting?
You guessed it: not a lot.
Happily, there’s a path through this impasse: escalating touch.
In this post, we’ll highlight some of the subtle female body language signs women offer to men they’re attracted to. We’ll also explain what you should do when you get these inviting signals.
And now, a green light to read on…
Your Date’s Body Language Signs
In a previous blog, we discussed how early, platonic touch is a communication cornerstone, especially on dates.
These touches are an invaluable first step.
Unfortunately, escalating touch is not as easy as, “Phase 1 complete. On to Phase 2!” Her reaction must be received, judged, and acted upon.
You may be thinking: “Women aren’t books. Reading them isn’t easy.”
This is true: many times, her reaction is maddeningly subtle… but that doesn’t mean you should automatically hold back.
In our “Become Women-Fluent” class, which is part of our Launch Your Dating Life program, we discuss 6 female body language signs that she’s into you and 5 signs that she’s not.
Here’s a quick summary of each of these signs:
6 Signs She Is Into You:
- She is facing you, flirtatiously touching her hair.
- Her body is towards you.
- Maybe she is blushing a little or looking away, but happy.
- Her face is encouraging. She seems to be enjoying you.
- You touch her on the hand; she does the same. You touch her on the arm; she touches you on the knee.
- She melts into your touch. She’s leaning in, enjoying it, relaxing her muscles or tensing in excitement.
5 Signs She’s NOT Into You:
- She seems to be looking away or turning away, as if to leave the conversation.
- Her breathing is stilted and shallow / sighing and irritated.
- She’s crossing her arms.
- She is drawing back a little and pulling away after a friendly touch.
- She looks like she feels unpleasant (i.e. unhappy face) after a friendly touch from you.
These signs may seem obvious at first, but the trick is to learn how to spot them in real-time.
The moment a client of ours becomes able to grasp and implement this is a happy (and happy-story-filled!) moment indeed.
Escalating Touch to the Next Level
It takes practice and a renewed perspective on yourself to realize that, in fact, a woman you’re attracted to may be responding in kind.
Yet if you notice any of the 6 positive female body language signs, it’s time to ramp up the flirting.
This does NOT mean you should break out your Cheesy Lines Rolodex and, “Just do it,” Nike-style.
In fact, it’s a good time to let your touch do the talking.
Why? Because flirting supersedes words; it’s about what you do and how you feel to her, and if she likes how you touch her, she’ll go from “interested” to “excited.”
Escalating from friendly to flirtatious touch is a seamless flow that makes perfect sense, both in your mind and body (and hers). As you go through the steps in order, you’re sweeping her into a sensory — and sexy — adventure with you.
Reading Female Body Language: A Client Success Story
In an Exploration Call with a client we’ll call Mark, he told us that his biggest problem around women was that he wasn’t being taken as a serious dating option.
“I’m friends with a couple of different girls I really like. They just don’t see me the same way.”
Mark made good progress in the initial weeks of our program, but the light came on after the “Become Women Fluent” class. He realized that in all his most frustrating situations, he had been waiting for the woman to initiate touch.
In our call after the class, he said…
“There’s been such a major difference lately. I’ve gone out with both of the women who I used to think were completely uninterested in me.”
In the span of just a few weeks, Mark went from being a dating afterthought to being the kind of guy women couldn’t get enough of. Here’s his explanation on what happened:
“I’ve overcome the initial hurdle of just becoming friends with people in a way that eliminated the possibility of them seeing me as a dating interest.”
When we asked what led to his change, he said…
“Basically adding touch to my conversations is what changed everything… It’s not only that I am feeling different, but my friends — and the women I’m interested in — see me differently also.”
Summary: Special Attention to Female Body Language Signs Pays Off
When you’re with a woman you like, escalating touch is a powerful non-verbal communication skill. (For more about verbal conversation skills, check out our guide here.)
In summary, here’s our method for escalating touch:
- Start with early, platonic touch.
- Look for one of the 6 female body language signs that shows she’s interested.
- Escalate with slightly firmer, more flirtatious touch.
By following these steps, you’ll be taken as a more serious dating option by more women, go on more dates, and enjoy deeper, sexier connections.
To continue improving your skills, here’s some further reading on the subject:
If you are ready to tackle the skill of dating like you mean it (with specific feedback from women about how you come across), then check out how we can potentially collaborate on that.