Reading a woman is difficult until you’re clear on how to know if she wants you to make a move.
When you can correctly interpret the warm and open signs a beautiful woman is trying to convey to you, everyone wins.
That’s why today I’m going to show you how to know if she wants you to make a move, so you don’t have to stumble through anymore.
To get some context for the angle I’m taking here, check out this dilemma from a fellow Introverted Alpha reader.
Can you relate to what he shared about leading to the first kiss?
[I want to learn] how to make the first kiss happen without putting the other person in awkwardness. After the first kiss, I can do anything. Everything is fine because I know that things are mutual.
Sometimes I talk over things with her [before the first kiss], but this method can be a turnoff for some women. So it is like a gamble, because here they want us to make the move without giving us any tips.
In actuality, they are giving you tips. LOTS of tips!
You just don’t know how to read them yet, and I’m about to help you with that right now.
Before I do, there’s something you need to know before any of this is going to click with you on how to know if she wants you to make a move, and that is knowing what women find attractive about you.
If you’re at a party and you feel there are 10 guys who are objectively more attractive than you, what’s going to make you think that her signs are favorable to you instead of writing them off because there’s Dashing Dan over there?
This is what we do. I founded Introverted Alpha to help introverted men date with natural confidence as self-actualization. That starts with knowing what is most attractive about you so you can bring that out for women to see!
Back to the task at hand re: how to tell if she wants you to make a move:
There’s a fine balance between not moving too fast or too slow. It’s all about reading well and calibrating for both of you, which is strong leadership.
If you don’t know when to make a move, that can be stressful for both of you. She can sense your tension, you asking yourself distractedly and anxiously, “Does she want me or not?”
That said, it’s GOOD that you’re not barreling through like a bull in a china shop.
It’s important to accurately read any signs she wants you to make a move and take them into account along with the full picture (how she feels towards you, how she is feeling in general, and how she feels in the environment).
We’ll get into all that in this post!
Here’s what we’re going to cover today on how to know if she wants you to make a move:
(1) How to know if she does NOT want you to make a move at all or YET.
(2) How to know WHEN to make a move and IF to make a move at all, based on…
- The way she is towards you
- How she seems to be feeling in the moment
- How she feels in the environment
Let’s go over how to know she does NOT want you to make a move:
This is important because you don’t want to be a disrespectful asshole and you don’t want to objectify her.
You don’t want to inaccurately perceive signs a girl wants you when in reality those signs just AREN’T THERE.
OR they are covered over by signs she does NOT want you to make a move (as those are very important to read and respect).
You ALSO don’t want to frustrate her and yourself by not making a move when you both want you to, when there are actual green lights, nothing but real signs she wants you to build the chemistry between you.
“No” Sign #1: She doesn’t really seem into you or even more clearly, she actually said no.
If she said no, fucking respect that. I don’t care how her “no” sounded; a “no” is a NO. If she said “no” but meant “yes”, then she is not the kind of woman you want to be intimate with.
Playing with “no” when she means “yes” is fine in a consensual loving, trusting relationship once you’ve established trust and an understanding of what “no” can mean in different contexts and have established safe words, et cetera.
But when you are FIRST getting to know a woman, “no” is NO. Period. Again, if she means “yes”, then she can’t be trusted to be intimate with you. Standards go both ways.
“No” Sign #2: She seems tense or hesitant with one foot in, one foot out..
If she is uncomfortable, if her body seems tense or if she seems hesitant with one foot in and one foot out, then only proceed to the next step of physical intimacy once she is NO LONGER tense.
Err on the side of caution if you don’t want one or both of you to feel regret later.
“No” Sign #3: She doesn’t seem comfortable in the mood or environment.
If both of the above considerations are green lights (she’s into you and feeling free and clear about the connection between the two of you), but this is yellow or red…. then this would be a no, at least for that moment.
For example, if it’s chaotic or loud or she feels self-conscious or uneasy in the place you’re in, then that’s a “no” on the environment, not necessarily on “you” altogether.
In many cases, she will be hoping you make a move LATER once the environment has changed!
If it’s super shitty if you’re making a move she didn’t want, then it is also shitty if you’re NOT making a move with a woman you’re really attracted to and feeling connected to.
Reason being, meanwhile she is dying over there hoping and praying that you’ll get the hint already!
So let’s look at how to know if she wants you to make a move based on (a) how she is towards you, (b) how she is feeling, and finally (c) the environment.
Note that each of these areas directly corresponds with the “how to tell if she does NOT want you to make a move” section above.
What you’re about to learn are simply detailed signs that the direct opposite is happening, which is a great thing! Let’s get into it:
“Into You” Signs she wants you to make a move:
These signs on how to know if she wants you to make a move are based on how she feels towards YOU personally and if she’s into you.
Into You Sign #1. She is warm and open to you.
The first way to answer how to know if she wants you to make a move is to read her body language.
Is her body language receptive to you? If so, you’ll notice that she is opening her body towards you, not away from you. She’s leaning in, interested in what you say.
Also, she enjoys being around you. She looks visibly relaxed and yet also excited by you. Her breathing is either deeper and more relaxed or shallow with excitement.
The way to tell whether her shallow breathing is from excitement (good) or discomfort and turn-off (bad) is to watch her facial expression.
Is she smiling genuinely, even if ever so slightly?
If she seems tense and forced, she’s not a happy camper.
On the other hand, if she seem open and happy, even if she’s a bit nervous, excellent! That’s a great sign that she wants to connect more with you.
Into You Sign #2. She is moving closer to you.
The second clue into how to know if she wants you to make a move is whether she is subtly (or not so subtly) snuggling up to you.
Maybe she touches your knee or your arm, and when she does, the chemistry you feel between you is electric.
Perhaps she’s moved to where she’s sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with you or knee-to-knee. Or perhaps you moved to sit near her that way, and she’s happily staying put to continue touching you.
As the night goes on, maybe she takes the opportunity to snuggle close to you so that your bodies are pressing together.
If she’s doing this, she likes you and as long as you are feeling chemistry between you flowing both ways, she is going to want that sensual, sexy build-up to lead straight to the kiss!
Into You Sign #3. She is responding well to your touch.
The third way to answer how to know if she wants you to make a move based on how into you she is comes down to interpreting her response to your touch.
Sometimes the escalation of physical touch can feel like anything but a stair-step, especially looking at how other guys do it.
You might wonder, “Do I take my time, or should I be aggressive? I don’t want to seem timid, but I also don’t want to come on too strong.”
To answer this question in the context of how to know if she wants you to make a move, think back to the last time you were sitting on the beach.
Remember how sometimes the ocean tide would brush up ever so gently onto the shore in front of you? And how other times it was a rushing torrent, overpowering everything in its wake and rolling back to gain momentum for another wave?
You might ask which way is the “right” way: gentle or intense?
The answer is it depends on the vibe you have with her as things get more exciting. You must build and be in tune with the CHEMISTRY flowing between you.
For the sake of this article, the easiest and most straightforward (yet still subtle and sexy) way to do this is through this 3-Stage Sequence of Escalating Touch:
- Step 1: Friendly Touch (lightly touching on her arm, hand, or knee when making a point)
- Step 2: Flirtatious Touch (stroking, hugging)
- And Step 3: Making the First Kiss Inevitable (more hugging, your hands through her hair and on her jaw)
When you follow through these stages, your escalation can progress naturally and seamlessly.
At that point, the first kiss really does become inevitable, and it is so delicious!
The way to make the first kiss inevitable is by feeling comfortable and agile in all three stages, which you can only do by learning them.
Once you’ve done that, as you go through friendly touch and then into flirtatious touch, you are building her desire and anticipation, sparking her hope for you to go further.
Remember that women love to be teased. When we’re into you, we love to anticipate what’s next!
One of my favorite things to teach is how to make her wonder, “Is he going to ask for my number or not?” or, “Is he going to kiss me or not?” while she’s practically panting for you to go ahead and do it already!
Her wondering this, WHILE feeling chemistry with you through your badass escalation through the stages of touch, drives her crazy in the best way.
When she MOST wants you to make a move is when she has already been wanting it, hoping for it… THEN you give it to her.
“Feeling Great” signs she wants you to make a move:
These signs on how to know if she wants you to make a move are based on how she feels in her body AROUND you.
Feeling Great Sign #1. She seems relaxed.
If she’s relaxed, she is going to be breathing more deeply with her shoulders down and back (non-protective stance) and her movements gentle and open.
She’s also going to be engaged with you, which shows you that she’s not relaxed in a BORED way, but in a great way that feels good for her.
Feeling Great Sign #2. She seems excited.
If she’s excited, she will be maybe bubbly or maybe just flushed, depending on how outgoing or shy she is. Either way, she’ll be HAPPY while also being flushed, so that’s how you know it’s a positive feeling of excitement rather than aggravation or tension.
“Right Environment” signs she wants you to make a move:
These signs on how to know if she wants you to make a move are based on how she feels in the ENVIRONMENT you’re in together.
Right Environment Sign #1. She seems to feel safe.
It’s one thing to feel relaxed around YOU (in the point just above); and it’s another to feel relaxed in the PLACE you are in. Wherever you are, notice how conducive it feels to her for escalating intimacy.
Everyone is going to respond differently to different places.
For example, one woman may feel completely comfortable with you kissing her at a bar or on a sidewalk with people walking by, while another one wouldn’t. Notice first the environment and then how she seems to FEEL in that environment.
Right Environment Sign #2. The mood is right.
One big aspect of how good she is going to feel in a place is the interplay of SENSUAL details, meaning what is she picking up through her senses?
If there’s soft lighting, if it’s clean and pleasant, if there is adequate privacy, she is much more likely to feel on the same page with you and curious to be more intimate with you.
Here’s your takeaway on how to know if she wants you to make a move:
You know she does NOT want you to make a move at all or yet if…
- She doesn’t seem into you or said NO.
- She seems tense or hesitant.
- And/or she looks like she feels uncomfortable in the environment or setting.
Here are the 3 sets of signs that she DOES want you to make a move:
How to know if she wants you to make a move based on how into you she is:
- She is warm and open to you.
- She is moving closer to you.
- Also, she is receptive to your touch.
How to know if she wants you to make a move based on how good she feels around you:
- She seems relaxed.
- She seems excited.
How to know if she wants you to make a move based on how the environment feels to her:
- She feels safe.
- She feels that the mood is right.
It all comes down to reading her body well with an open, well-informed mind and sharp intuition.
How amazing would it be to get to the point where women are regularly giving you all these signs? It’s so much easier to feel out how to make a move once you know she will be receptive.
Also, dating is about a lot more than that. Sometimes you’re not going to have ALL the signs in front of you. What do you do then?
Here are a few articles that can help you with other aspects of dating and attraction:
- Peruse all articles on the topics of conversation and flirting.
- Go through our 6,300-word conversation guide for introverted guys.
- Remember why and how you are attractive as a introverted guy.
That’s where genuine confidence comes in: knowing what is most attractive about you and why.
You can go even deeper in that process in our ebook on finding your own uniquely attractive vibe.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in March 2016, and I’ve completely updated it for comprehensiveness and quality.