What is an Introverted Alpha Male? Are you one?

If you are a quiet, thoughtful guy, you may wonder where you fit in. Around “life of the party” friends, you may feel completely unnoticed by attractive women.
Today, let’s start changing that. We’ll uncover a unique attractiveness all your own as an introverted alpha male. 

{re}Defining Introvert:

An introvert is deep and thoughtful. He is rejuvenated by peace and quiet.

Three qualities make him especially attractive:

He is easy to be around.
He is genuine and real.
He is mysterious.

Many people think introverted = socially awkward.

That cannot be further from the truth.

A person who is socially awkward can either be shy (introverted version) or loud and bumbling (extroverted version). That said, everyone can evolve past social awkwardness, into SOCIAL FLUENCY.

Social fluency is a skill.
Not a personality.

A developed introvert is very comfortable in his own skin, puts himself in situations and places that are favorable and enjoyable, and takes wonderful care of himself and appreciates his quieter nature.

{re}Defining Alpha Male:

A True Alpha Male has a strong sense of himself. He takes pleasure in excellence.

There are three distinguishers of a True Alpha:

He is comfortable in his own skin.
He has an air of quiet confidence.
He adds value as a way of life.

Many people think alpha = asshole.

It absolutely does not.

A pseudo-alpha is constantly clamoring for external validation. He says to his buddies, “Dude, I’m the alpha. Respect me. Be my wingmen. It’s all about me.” A True Alpha Male, though, doesn’t need constant validation.

One-upping is a weakness.
Not a strength.

A True Alpha Male knows and respects himself and cares genuinely for others. He has an air of quiet confidence, and men and women alike flock to him because he feels so good to be around.

Taken together, Introverted + Alpha = Benevolent Badass.

An Introverted Alpha Male is genuinely strong and naturally attractive.
Women love him because he loves himself and loves them.

How do you bring out your Introverted Alpha Male?

By keeping in mind these Introverted Alpha Principles:


Social fluency is a skill, not a personality. “Introverted” does NOT equal “socially awkward.”


Each introverted man has a unique vibe all his own. When he discovers it in himself, women notice.


A True Alpha Male has a strong sense of himself. He is honest with himself and is devoted to the win-win.


Dating is a skill to build (not an innate talent). You can build that skill with the right guidance.


Dating for introverted men is best done genuinely. Warm, intelligent women gravitate to genuine men.

Here are a few Introverted Alpha Male Archetypes

Meet Caleb.

Software Engineer
London, England
25 years old

Wants to have a girlfriend he
feels special closeness with.

Challenged by inexperience
and fears being boring.

Strong moral compass.
Dedicated to self-improvement.

Meet Jason.

Market Research Analyst
Downtown Los Angeles
25 years old

Wants to feel natural and
fluid around beautiful women.

Challenged by lack of skills
and fears he’ll have to settle.

Good-looking and in excellent
physical shape. Creative.

Meet Ravi.

CEO of Successful Startup
Silicon Valley, California
30 years old

Wants to bring his love life up
to par with the rest of his life.

Challenged by not knowing
what he’s doing wrong.

Successful social leader.
Curious and driven.

Get to know Caleb:

Caleb struggled with social anxiety as a teen, though he didn’t realize there was a name for that until he was in college. His college years and early 20’s were all about overcoming his fears and feeling more comfortable in social situations.

He really pushed out of his comfort zone, doing improv and going out with friends. Now at 25, he has a solid group of friends and enjoys life. Even with his social leaps of progress, he was never able to create sexual chemistry with women.

To this day, every time he sees a woman he feels attracted to, he freezes up. When he imagines going over and talking to her (much less flirting with her), all he can think about is the terror of other people watching him and judging him as creepy.

The last thing he ever wants to look like is a pick-up guy. As a result, he simply doesn’t approach. Any beautiful women he does talk to, the vibe is strictly platonic. Sometimes he has an inkling that a beautiful woman is attracted to him, but it seems unreal. He pushes the thought away as a fantasy.

He’s finding that at 27 years old, he has very little experience with women. It took so long just to get open and comfortable around people, he feels a bit behind truthfully. If he doesn’t kick himself into high gear and get this handled, he’s afraid that he’ll never push out of his comfort zone.

If he doesn’t push out of his comfort zone, he’s afraid he’ll grow old alone, forever timid about being boring, uninteresting to women. With a little work, though, the opposite could be true. Caleb has a hunch women would really love him if he could just show them who he is without being afraid.

Also, he’s sure that some of the women who have seemed attracted to him actually have been, and if he can either get a better read on them or just be bolder regardless, there would be some low-hanging fruit. This feels optimistic, but not totally out of touch with reality.

What he needs is a way to build basic comfort with women and with his own sexuality. After all, if he’s going to have a girlfriend one day who he feels a special closeness with, sexual intimacy is part of that closeness — a crucial, central part.

He’s felt self-conscious about that part of him, as he grew up religious and it was shamed and repressed. If he can get comfortable with women and attraction, then he can start to express his red-blooded desire (which he knows women do find attractive in the right context with the right delivery) in a safe, non-threatening, and skillful way.

As he builds his skills and experience, he knows that with practice, he can start feeling free with how he connects with women. He can keep it friendly or move to flirtatious, without the fear of being judged stopping him.

If he can do this, his relationship with women can feel wonderful for everyone involved. If he can control the pace of attraction and chemistry, he can relax and enjoy himself. When he’s relaxed and enjoying himself, he has a hunch that women around him might follow suit.

Get to know Jason:

Jason grew up surrounded by “cool” friends, and he felt the least desirable of his circle. They just all seemed to have an “edge” that he didn’t see in himself.

In high school and college, he always assumed that if a woman were to meet his group of friends, he was the least likely to get her attention or win her attraction. This feeling continues to this day. Not that he’s bad-looking — he’s quite good-looking.

Years of strength-training has done that for him, along with dressing well and fitting in. That said, fitting in has honestly been a struggle, and if he’s honest — it’s not even that fulfilling.

Jason is creative and knows he has something unique to offer about himself. He loves music, and he loves to write. He feels like by trying to fit in all this time, he has ignored who he really is. In fact, he doesn’t even fully know who he is aside from some core values of integrity and loyalty.

Last month, he turned 25 and said to himself, “Okay, I’m not old, but I’m also not in my early 20’s anymore either. Next I’ll be 30. Then 35. Then 40, 45.

“If I don’t get this part of my life handled NOW — if I don’t build the dating skills I need to attract beautiful women now — if I keep putting it off until later, later will come… but I’ll be right back where I am today.”

This thought is very unsettling to him.  At this point, Jason is ready to do what it takes to turn this ship around. He wants to feel natural and fluid around beautiful women.

He knows he has romantic potential, and he wants to actualize that. He’s good-looking and in excellent physical shape. These things can support him. He thinks more than anything, he needs to find his own way of being “cool” rather than just trying to be like everyone else, which turned out to be uninspiring and ineffective.

Once he finds his distinct edge and charm, he can build dating skills in a way that enhances and builds on what he’s already a natural at. This way, he can meet the kinds of women he most wants to meet, in the places he wants to meet them. He can approach, flirt, and date in a way that he wants that most suits him on a case-by-case basis.

This excites him! He wants full freedom to be himself around women in a fresh, new way that feels great and comes across as confident and irresistible to the women he’s most attracted to.

Get to know Ravi:

As a talented and smart guy, Ravi has always expected more of himself.  “Work hard, play hard” is a motto he definitely lives by. He doesn’t sit behind a desk; he travels and hikes and throws parties.

His zeal for living and developing himself has positively affected every part of his life… except his love life, which remains a mystery.

He’s had a few relationships, and once he’s “in,” he’s good. It’s just that initial attraction feels so elusive to build.  As a result, his relationships have been with women he feels good about, but not with women he feels AMAZING about. Mostly, they choose him.

This lack of power to choose is really frustrating, especially for him, since he can systematically figure out every other part of his life. Women, though, remain a mystery. Women seem unresponsive or finicky with him. The worst part is he doesn’t even know what he’s doing wrong.

He’s honestly not “afraid of rejection.” He just wants to understand this terrain and master it.

As a successful social leader, he knows he has what it takes. He’s good with people. He has charisma and is a great conversationalist. He’s 30 years old now, and he knows it’s time to bring his love life up to par with the rest of his life.

He also knows that pick-up is not the solution. He’s too mature, refined, and sincere for that.

For him, the next level is about understanding how attraction fundamentally works, how he can use what’s already attractive about him to build attraction, and fill in any knowledge gaps with a few important dating skills.

His curious and driven nature will help him here. When he masters this, he’ll have everything he needs to build chemistry with beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, caring women.