You know the most frustrating thing I see every day?
- Not guys who don’t know the right venues to approach.
- Not guys who don’t know how to properly touch a woman.
- And not guys who don’t know what’s already great about them.
Although these are all QUITE frustrating (as the answers are so much easier than they think!), none is actually the most frustrating thing.
The most frustrating thing to me is a lot of men who CAN’T TELL when women they’re attracted to are flirting with them; a lot of time.
Oh my god! This is the worst. Why? Because it would be so easy! It’s already such a natural fit. They’re already attracted to these women!
And yet — they do nothing. Not even eye contact.
Because they can’t interpret key signs of flirting these women are bending over backward to show them.
Every time a man fails in this particular way, a beautiful alluring woman walks out of his life forever. And this is AFTER she tried to show him she liked him.
Let’s make sure that’s not you, right? The more men actively and accurately understanding how women flirt, the better! The happier everyone is.
Pay attention to subtle signs because we all win when you get this right.
Also, it’s especially great that you came across this article.
Reason being, not only am I a woman (Hi! I’m Sarah, founder of Introverted Alpha), my whole coaching team is also made of women.
Over the years, we’ve refined our ways of explaining how introverted men can best understand women, including reading women’s body language and picking up on the flirting signs I’m about to show you.
It’s a joyful thing.
For this particular post you’re reading, I took material straight from our behind-closed-doors dating coaching program and reworked it into six telltale signs for all you guys to see and consider in your dating game.
This is just too important not to share as clear as day. So keep reading to learn those key signs she likes you!
So you know you’re not alone, check out these quotes from other guys on their biggest challenges with touching and kissing a woman they’re attracted to.
The one thing they most want to learn is this:
“Picking up the signs that she wants more from me. I have always been told I am oblivious to when people flirt with me or like me.”
Another man shares what he most wants to learn about flirting signs:
“Any subtle/unsubtle indication that she wants to be kissed.”
Guys! Are you feeling the frustration here?
I talked to a man in London on the phone who said to me,
“I found out years after graduating that the hottest girl in high school was into me, and I never did anything about it. By the time I realized, even though we were both single I was too freaked out and just did nothing.”
Then I talked to another man in Mexico who was on a pro soccer team, knew he was a good-looking guy, but figured — as so many introverted men do — that he was “boring.” NO! He’s mysterious! And his childhood crush had been so into him!
By the time he realized it and accepted it, she was out of his life. He’d let her go.
If you’re like the soccer player I just mentioned and aren’t clear on why women would find you sexually attractive — even if you’re a nice guy and look good on paper — you’ll want to pay special attention to the flirting signs that I’m about to explain.
I’ve also added an entirely expanded addition onto this piece on how to know in different contexts whether she’s definitely flirting with you (so good!).
Here’s what’s on tap for today:
First, we’re going to look at 6 signs a woman is likely flirting.
Then we’re going to examine signs she’s into you in specific contexts where it matters most:
- We’ll apply the flirting signs to women at work and women you’ve just met.
- Then we will go over possible signals from a longtime best friend who you’re worried you’re in the friend zone with (you might not be! I’ll show you good indicators on how to tell).
- We’ll also look at how to understand the science of flirting to see when she’s shy or introverted and her romantic interest in you may not be as obvious as a more outgoing or extroverted woman’s would be.
Before we get into our relationship advice she’s into you, open a new tab so you can take this Dating Skills Assessment. Once you fill it out, I’ll send you a custom email training sequence based on the answers you share in the assessment. You can open this tab now and then finish the assessment once you’re done with this article (it’s fun to answer! And the email training after is even more fun).
Now, here are the 6 obvious ways you can count on when it comes to reading any woman you’re attracted to.
Is she into you too? Let’s find out!
1. She’s relaxed and excited around you.
When a woman is feeling relaxed and excited around you, that means the beginning elements of turn-on and love interest are present.
If you’ve been around Introverted Alpha for awhile, you may remember the Turn-On Equation:
Relaxation + Excitement = Turn-on.
Why is this so? Because she must feel relaxed in order for her excitement towards you to be positive and drawing her in rather than anxiety. You can’t have a positive experience of excitement towards someone unless you feel relaxed around that person too.
The reason excitement is important is if she feels simply relaxed around you, then where’s the attraction? Nowhere. So both relaxation and excitement together = one of the biggest signs.
How can you tell if she’s relaxed and excited around you?
Her body is visibly more relaxed than tense. She’s holding her drink in a more languid than clutching way. She’s breathing in a more open than tight and shallow way.
Even while you interpret these basic elements of breath and body language being relaxed, her excitement shows through in her blushing, physical contact, the way she seems nervous and happy in her facial expressions and laugh, and how she takes deep happy breaths to calm herself (with all the excitement she’s feeling in your presence!).
2. Smiling and looking down shyly.
Smiling is one thing, but blushing and smiling is another.
When a woman smiling and looking down shyly, she likely feels attracted to you and a bit submissive or vulnerable in a sexy way that feels good to her.
How can you tell if she’s smiling and looking down shyly?
Most importantly, her smile is genuine, not forced. Also, she might be blushing a little or licking her lips or reaching for her hair or playing with her glass. Next time, try to maintain eye contact and check if her eyes wander away from you, downwards in a sweet and shy way.
Her shyness shows when she has this excitement and is channeling that into a subtle physical activity while also seeming relaxed and happy.
3: Turning towards you.
When she’s turning her body or her feet towards you with open body language, that means she is feeling receptive. Receptivity implies relaxation and excitement (turn-on) and means she feels safe with you and wants more of you.
It is one of the signs you need to understand.
How can you tell if she’s turning towards you?
Either her legs, her torso, her arms, or some combination of those is turning towards you and not away. If her whole body is rigidly away, that is not her turning towards you.
If any part of her body is towards you WHILE you are reading relaxation and excitement from Flirting Sign #1, this can be further indication that she likes you and is trying to show it.
4: Moving closer to you.
When a woman moving closer to you, she is feeling like she wants a LOT more of you. She is feeling quite relaxed and excited at this point and wants MORE. Yay!
How can you tell if she’s moving closer to you?
If she’s sitting down, she’s adjusting in her chair to scoot closer to you, or she’s extending her legs closer to you, or she’s leaning in quite a bit with her torso or arms.
If she’s standing, she is leaning in to talk or listen more closely. She is *not* moving backwards.
To show you what I mean, I noticed a couple of people talking at a party, and the man kept coming in closer to the woman, who in turn kept moving backwards.
In ten minutes’ time, they were halfway across the room in the direction of her continually having backed away!
If you find yourself in that position, that means she has been moving backwards from discomfort and is definitely NOT moving closer to you.
On the other hand, if you find yourself right around the same area of the room and a bit closer to each other than you were a few minutes ago, you can rest easy that she is indeed moving closer to you.
5. Warming to your touch.
When a woman warms to your touch, she feels melty and surrendery towards you. Yum!
This is a VERY good sign. It’s an unconscious flirting sign, this melting of hers. And you should take it quite seriously.
How can you tell if she’s warming to your touch?
When you touch her on her hand, her arm, her leg, the small of her back, your shoulder with her shoulder… notice how she “absorbs” the touch.
If she’s warm to you while your arm grazes hers, for example, then the way she absorbs that touch feels very receptive and open and relaxed.
She almost leans into it. Like a cat. She does not flinch. She feels calm and soothed by those manly hands of yours! This is fantastic. Enjoy this! She would NEVER do this if she weren’t flirting with you.
6. Touching you.
When a woman is touching you, she is feeling turned-on and a bit frisky. She’s feeling bold enough to touch you and/or reciprocate your touch.
How can you tell if she’s touching you in a flirtatious way?
She squeezes you or lingers with her touch or strokes your hand, arm, or leg. If she does these things, friend… and she’s a genuine person who is warm and sincere… she is into you.
Now that you know these signs of attraction, what’s next? We’re about to answer the pervasive “Is she into me?” question in specific contexts you might find yourself in.
How to Tell If Your Coworker Is Flirting With You?
She sits two rows down from you, and she is way more attractive than she seems to realize.
Every morning when she comes into work, coffee in hand, you get butterflies in your stomach. You find yourself wondering whether you look the right combination of busy and relaxed.
Then you remember that time you ran into each other in the hallway once and made small talk. You thought you saw her blushing, but you couldn’t be sure. So let’s solve this thing! Is your colleague giving you social cues?
Here are signs she’s into you and flirting at work:
If she’s more outgoing, she sort of gushes when she sees you in passing. She shows extra interest in your day and the details you tell her. She wants to know what you’re working on or what your weekend plans are.
If she’s shy, she might feel flushed and seem warm after talking with you for a few minutes, even if it’s cold in the office.
While you’re talking with her in the hallway, at the elevator, or on your way out to lunch; her body language is ALL ABOUT YOU.
She’s turning towards you and maybe clutching something she’s holding onto (from the excitement of getting to stand so close to you!).
How to Tell If A Woman Is Flirting with You After You’ve Just Met?
You’ve just met at a party you almost didn’t go to (and now you’re glad you went because she is so stunning). It’s hard to tell if she’s into you though.
Whether dating in NYC, LA, SF, or in any other place, this is a universal situation.
Maybe you’ve heard that a woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation, and you’re watching for that. You’re wracking your brain for how to interpret a sure sign in those early moments of just having met each other.
The trouble is, between the loud music and the people passing around you two as you make small talk, you feel distracted and you can’t seem to read her well.
Especially if you’re introverted and private by nature, you might feel like it takes you a long time to warm up to new people. This compounds the issue.
Here’s how to pick up on signs a girl is flirting with you, even if you don’t know her well yet:
Since you’ve just met, you’re not sure if she’s smiling extra because she’s talking to YOU or if she is just a smiley person in general.
Here’s how to tell the difference: Is she extra bubbly and seems lost in her own world of outgoingness (indicating she’s a woman who smiles a lot in general anyway)?
OR is she more focused and present with you while still smiling (indicating she is really enjoying you personally)?
In a crowded environment (if that’s where you’re meeting her for the first time), does she seem to be constantly trying to make more space between you? So that you don’t get too close (meaning she is not into you!)?
OR is she very comfortable being close with you and perhaps even using the bustle around you to MOVE CLOSER to you?
How to Tell If a Girl Is Flirting with You Once You’re Already Good Friends?
You feel seriously attracted to her every time you hang out together. It’s been that way for years, and the thought that she might feel the same excites you to no end.
She’s intelligent, she’s kindhearted, and she’s confident. She’s basically everything you want in a woman.
Because you’re interested in her, you can’t help but wonder, “Is she into me?” when she wears something sexy (when she knew she was going to see you that day).
Or when you see her look at you in a certain way, you get really distracted: “Is she flirting with me? Does she see me as just a friend, or is there something more?”
It’s hard not to take these things as flirting signs, but should you? Let’s start getting to the bottom of this!
Here are flirting signs from a woman who already knows and likes you:
There’s a closeness from comfort two people have as friends, and then there’s a closeness two people have who feel a spark of chemistry between them. If she feels this too, she might be SHY to be close to you (even while maybe blushing and feeling happy) precisely because she knows it would excite her even more.
On the other hand, she might CREATE opportunities for more closeness with you, so that she can be near you and feel how strong and safe you are.
The detail to notice is… does she ALSO seem WARM/FLUSHED while she’s close to you? If she’s completely normal and her breathing is relaxed and she is not warm, she might not be flirting with you at all. She might actually just see you as a friend. That warmth/blushing near you is key.
How to Tell If She’s Into You But Too Shy to Show It?
While your friends prefer more extroverted women, you’ve always preferred the intellectual quiet type of woman.
This is wonderful once there’s already a connection established, but what about BEFORE then? When neither she nor you necessarily feel comfortable “showing your cards” or even knowing fully what those cards are (as it takes time to see if you are truly into one another)?
Here’s how to tell if a girl is flirting with you in subtle ways, since she may be too shy to say or do anything about it overtly (a reservedness you likely find attractive!):
She is blushing A LOT, more than an outgoing woman would. If she’s shy AND attracted to you, she might be more susceptible to showing inadvertently through her body that she feels pleasantly uncomfortable around you (butterflies will do that!).
She is either laughing and smiling more than she seems used to (because you have that effect on her) OR she is withdrawing but seems keenly curious and interested in you.
You can feel her attention on you in a pleasant way that indicates she feels intrigued but maybe a little apprehensive because of the attraction she feels.
Conclusion on Reading Flirting Signs:
That’s a lot of flirting! Let’s get everything listed out so you can see it at a glance.
Here are the 6 signs a woman is flirting with you:
- Relaxed and excited around you
- Smiling and looking down shyly
- Turning towards you
- Moving closer to you
- Warming to your touch
- Touching you
These signs apply across these contexts and more:
- A coworker flirting with you
- A woman you just met seeming into you
- A friend who might have a crush on you
- A shy woman who may be more subtle
Now that you know these six flirting signs and a few key contexts to apply them in, you are well on your way to much more easily noticing what your woman likes.
Sometimes just noticing flirting signs can help you feel more empowered to do something about them, like getting her phone number and setting up a date.
For the times when it’s not enough, we’ve got you covered there too.
Here are more resources for you:
- Our 6,300-word conversation guide for introverted men
- Our 3,700-word approach guide
- Archive of all articles conversation and flirting-related
You’re also welcome to take our Dating Skills Assessment, which measures your proficiency across 12 big parts of dating and attraction.
If you are ready to improve your love life as a whole (because it’s about a LOT more than what’s in this one article), then check out how we can potentially collaborate on that in our 1:1 dating coach program for introverted men.