Understanding What Turns Women On

Turning women on mystifies lots of guys. It doesn’t have to…

Do you feel like you waste a lot of time and energy by not actually knowing how to turn on a woman?

We bet lots of you are nodding your heads. In fact, “trying too hard” was the most cited answer to the following question in our Charisma Survey:

“When do women LEAST seem to enjoy being around you?” 

Trying too hard is indeed a turn off, but it’s understandable when you’re not sure how to show your sexual desire in a respectful way.

There are many reasons why you and other guys might try too hard around women:

  • Worrying that your eye contact would be creepy or off-putting.
  • Feeling pressure to avoid awkward silences.
  • Thinking you’re not in her “league” so you act differently.

No matter the reason, the result is usually one of two variations: a pressurized burst of nervous talk or no talking at all.

This situation is completely avoidable.

Our 3-step system has proven to demystify one of dating’s eternal questions: “What turns women on?”

When you get this RIGHT, women can’t help but want to be closer to you. They’ll move physically closer to you, touch you, want to be near you… when you meet them, date them, and kiss them.

Basically, having a system you can trust takes the “trying too hard” problem and makes it literally irrelevant.

That would come in handy, yes? Let’s explore these 3 steps…

Step 1: Look in the Mirror

No, we’re not going to analyze your grooming habits (that’s for a later post!) or put you in a tailored suit.

We want you to look in the mirror because figuring out the little things women find to be huge turn-ons starts right there.

Need help? We can help you understand what’s attractive about you in this post.

Bottom line: the key to charisma is to fully grasp the things that YOU value.

Here’s a realization from one of our clients, whom we’ll call Nolan:

“I need to develop a good understanding of my own value/attractiveness to become more confident around women. I’ve been subconsciously devaluing myself and elevating women who I know nothing about.”

This cuts straight to the core. By finding out and focusing on your own values and attractiveness, “trying too hard” will feel a million miles away.

It simply won’t be relevant once you internalize that you are uniquely attractive. If you’re a wonderful man (good-hearted, kind, honest), you can simply showcase that in the best way.

Step 2: Relax Her

After you’ve spent some quality time with your values, the next step is to create a relaxing atmosphere for the woman you want.

A relaxing vibe is one of the biggest turn-on’s for women who want the guy to take the lead.

By “relaxing,” we’re not talking about lit candles, tantric chants, and meditation breaks… although if that’s your thing, there are women down for that too!

For the purposes of figuring out what turns women on, “relaxing her” means ensuring she feels safe and empowered. If she feels creeped out or pushed around, she won’t be able to relax!

This is where friendly touch can be so helpful because it’s so non-invasive and non-creepy. We’ve covered our touch system before, but here’s a refresher:

Escalating touch is a great way to communicate with your date without saying a word.

At first, keep things light and friendly and discern her reactions, those small things that show how she’s feeling.

If her body is responsive and receptive, that means she’s relaxed and wanting a little bit more!

Here’s an example straight from a client named Luke’s experience on the “magic” of friendly touch:

[A girl I met at yoga class and I] chatted for a few minutes about class and work… Sensing her warmth, I suggested that we connect again outside of class… After this I touched her lightly on the back to guide her through the door on the way out of the studio to the reception area… She seemed really receptive to this.

It seems small — just a light touch to guide her through the door — but it was a MAJOR breakthrough for Luke:

I was a bit nervous about touching but the entire time I heard Sarah’s voice: “TOUCH HER!!!” Hahaha… 

And the best part? It led to this…

I texted her later… and… we’ve got a date set up for this Friday!

As you can see, making her feel relaxed and receptive is key to your charismatic personality. And this is true whether you’re on a date or just meeting a woman for the first time.

Now, the last piece of the puzzle is the icing on the cake.

Step 3: Excite Her

Making her feel comfortable is a necessity, but it can also be hard for many guys as they try to figure out what turns women on.

If they don’t progress from there, they’ll be stuck in the non-romantic friend zone.

Excitement is the last piece of the “What turns women on” puzzle. It’s also the hardest for introverts to wrap their brains around.

Luckily, you’ve already done the foundational work for exciting your date. If you’ve been focused on your values and you’ve made her feel relaxed, she’s probably excited!

Escalating touch can give you the right clues. By continuing to progress into the realm of flirtatious touch, you’ll give her the ability to signal her interest level.

Here’s how another one of our clients, whom we’ll call Kirk, used flirtatious touch to excite his date:

I incorporated light touch right from the beginning [of our date] and stepped up the scale gradually… lingering longer and touching in slightly more intimate places (knee/leg, etc). Over time we crept closer together until our legs were touching. 

If she’s relaxed and excited, she’ll signal for more 9 times out of 10. Kirk’s date SURE DID…

We finished our drinks and I decided to invite her back to my apartment… We made out for around 10-15 minutes and I continued to escalate physically, running my hands all over her body… 

WHOA! It’s safe to say Kirk’s date found him to be quite charismatic, don’t you think?

Summary: What Turns Women On? Feeling Relaxed + Excited

Remember: It is a SKILL to have women enjoy being near you.

This skill may seem mystical to you now, but practice and repetition lead to improvement, just like any other skill.

At the end of a long day or anytime, she will be much more able to relax and enjoy you when you incorporate intelligent conversation and bonding on the one hand with a nice sense of self-esteem and ability to make her feel relaxed and excited on the other.

Often, the simple act of being present in the moment to her and to your own relaxed desire around her is enough to get butterflies fluttering in her stomach, when there’s a base sense of attraction to build off of.

It’s also important to remember that figuring out how to turn women on is not the only aspect to improving your dating life.

Escalating touchreading female body language, and enjoying a riveting conversation all matter too and are important facets of how it works to create chemistry with a woman.

Check out our 1:1 dating coaching program for introverted men who want to attract the right women for them and self-actualize in the process.

Sarah Jones
Sarah Jones
Sarah Jones is founder and CEO of Introverted Alpha; the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of Sarah's 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

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