Here’s how the conversation usually goes:
Me: “What actually stops you from approaching a woman?”
You guys: “I guess I just don’t know what to say…”
I totally get it.
My usual route at this point is to explore the heart of the matter: your self-concept, the variables involved, et cetera. Today, we’re going to veer from the inner work route and go pure outer work: exactly what to say when approaching a woman.
This is exciting! I’m about to give you a word-for-word line that is NOT cheesy, NOT sleazy, NOT typical pick-up artist vibe.
As an introverted guy, this should come as a refreshment to you.
Being an introverted man, you are already attractive as you are; you don’t have to cover over your nature with tricks.
Instead, you can be straightforward and relaxed as you gauge her warmth and decide whether to approach her.
Ready? 10 words total:
“I noticed you, and I had to come say ‘hi.'”
Simple and true.
That’s why it’s awesome.
I’m sure you know that trouble always comes in when you overcomplicate stuff. So let’s keep it real:
1. You noticed her. (Yep, always true 100% of the time. Otherwise you’d not approach in the first place).
2. You had to come say “hi.” (Also true 100% of the time. If you didn’t say ‘hi’ to her, you’d have let her out of your sight and been kicking yourself all the way home).
It’s important for you to say the above to her naturally and easily, almost like you were already friends.
The message behind it…
Success in what to say when approaching a woman is less about exactly what you say (as there are many more options for approach besides this!).
It’s more about how you say it, the easy-feeling assumptions behind it.
You’re assuming connection, which makes you look and feel relaxed. That, in turn, puts her at ease.
Of course she may be a little caught off-guard at first. She was in her own world, doing her shopping or thinking about something, totally in her head…
Guess what? Because of this fact, that first moment will ALWAYS be a little disorienting for both of you, and that’s okay.
As long as you remain calm and at ease in the midst of, she will perceive you as trustworthy and badass.
Think of it like this:
- Who trusts a nervous guy, shifty in his shoes? Almost no one.
- Who trusts an open, easygoing guy? Nearly everyone.
I’m sure you can imagine why: your body language, your vibe, either destroys or engenders trust.
A woman must feel safe with you on some level for her to be open to you at all. Also, she must perceive you as powerful on some level in order for her to be interested at all.
Now let’s get back to your new 100% genuine line, “I noticed you, and I had to come say, ‘hi’.”
Not only is this opener true and authentic, it is also intriguing.
She’s wondering, what does he notice about me? In this moment, you invariably have her interest, as long as you are being relaxed and open.
Everyone likes to know what other people find attractive about them. If she’s open to you and likes you, she’ll offer something to keep the conversation going.
Women talk too, when they like you and feel intrigued. So you don’t have to do all the work.
As long as you are calm and open like the badass you are, she’ll WANT to talk to you to keep you around and interested in her.
Really! Try it.
Once you know what to say when approaching a woman:
The next time you wonder what to say when approaching a woman, say this one simple line. It’s always true, always authentic, always natural. Keep it relaxed, and you’re good to go.
Where to take things from here, so you can build on the connection?
Check out these free resources for introverted men to keep things going:
Also, here is a huge 3,700-word post all about how to approach a woman as an introverted man.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in September 2014 and was updated in September 2017 for helpfulness and quality.