Importance of Touch in Attraction, Flirting, and Dating

How early, platonic touch can open new dating doors…

When it comes to understanding the importance of touch into your dating life, many guys are at Square One.

In our recent “touch and intimacy” survey, for instance, more than 33% of the respondents said they’ve NEVER tried touching a woman they like as a way to escalate intimacy.

Several who did try light touch at one time or another no longer do so because of bad experiences, including…

  • receiving the dreaded “flinch,”
  • being told that they’re “going too fast,”
  • having their efforts go unnoticed and/or unreciprocated.

All these situations lead to frustration, withdrawal, and a general sentiment of “Why bother?” with incorporating touch?

Well, bothering to build this skill can pay off big time.

Successful touches — even platonic, light ones — create a bond that is stronger and more exciting for a woman than almost anything you can say, marking the difference between friend zone and much more than that.

The trouble, of course, is that building the skill takes time, dedication, and trust that the whole endeavor will be worthwhile. You can discover much more about this here.

In this post, we’ll take the big picture view so you can see the importance of touch. Then, we’ll dive into some nitty-gritty steps you can take to start your skill-building.

Before diving in, get your copy of our ebook if you haven’t yet! It will help you build the confidence you need to make this article relevant. ;) Download it right here, our gift to you. Then come back and finish the article!


The Importance of Touch in Communication

The right kind of physical contact can communicate more to her with less stress and embarrassment than speech, eye contact, or body language.

The importance of touch is shown on both the scientific and practical levels. Touch can even be good for your physical and mental health!


Studies Showing the Importance of Touch on the Scientific Level

Psychological studies have proven the importance of touch as a dynamic, reliable communication vehicle.

In one DePauw University study, for example, volunteers attempted to communicate a list of emotions to a blindfolded stranger solely through physical touch.

The list was not easy. Somehow, the participants had to figure out a way to touch a stranger to communicate one of the following emotions…

  • anger
  • fear
  • disgust
  • love
  • gratitude
  • sympathy
  • happiness
  • sadness

The participant success rate was 78%. More than 3 out of 4 total strangers were able to communicate complex emotions with a single touch.

Conversely, in studies of the face alone without the effect of touch, the researchers said “joy” is the only positive emotion that has been reliably decoded.

Our point: A single touch can communicate your attraction to her better than any face, posture, or word.


The Importance of Touch on a Practical Level

Introverted or extroverted, there is always at least a little bit of discomfort when meeting someone brand new.

So introducing some light, no-pressure touch is a way to make the vibe more comfortable quickly and effortlessly.

Our clients are always surprised by this. They think that “learning how to touch a girl,” as they say, is going to feel creepy no matter what, like they’d have to immediately start holding hands or something.

But when they actually do touch a woman in a way that subtly builds sexual tension early on, they find that she is delighted. That’s when they truly realize the importance of touch.


Noting her responsiveness…

Your first touch can range from a brush of your hand on hers to a strong and supportive hand on her lower back as you lead her through a threshold or share a laugh together.

No matter what, the biggest key in how to touch women is to pay attention to how she seems to be responding to you and to slowly take things to the next level accordingly, without rushing and without holding back too much.

If that sounds like a lot, don’t worry!

You don’t have to get it perfect.

The most important thing is being respectful and open to her, and as you go on enough dates to get a really strong sense of this, things will become much easier.

One client told us with amazement and delight after 45 long years of no skin contact to speak of:

“Women feel so happy and relaxed when I touch them. It’s amazing!”

Not only can touching women in a considerate and aware way delight them, it also increases your confidence.

This is because as a woman is responding well to you, you can see that she is open to you.

This in turn helps you know it’s not only okay for you to progress and build up the excitement; it’s actually something she wants you to do.


The Details of Early Touch

When it comes to a woman you’ve just met, it can be tempting to stay safely in a “touchless” mentality.

That said, your chances to show a woman how you feel dramatically improve if you incorporate some light early touches, or at least close proximity to her.

We’re not talking about anything overly aggressive or inappropriate. That’s one reason it’s so nice to receive touch in platonic contexts, so that you’re not in touch deprivation on a date with a woman. This allows you to be really present to her.

What we’re looking for is a middle ground of intentional early touch that signals your attraction without shouting it.

Take a look at the specifics…



When you’re sitting down, you can lean forward a little, touching her lightly on her knee or the back of her hand.

If you’re standing up, you can touch her arm.

If you’re going through a threshold, you can rest your hand on her back as you guide her through.



In a light, easygoing way, touch with all four fingers for a soft, padded touch.

Each touch should last between 1-2 full seconds. You’re not just reaching out touching her for a millisecond and pulling back. You want to touch her long enough to make a connection.



As early as possible, as long as you feel comfortable.

Why “as early as possible”?

Her first impression of you formed within one or two seconds of your initial meeting.

If it’s…

  • Positive, these touches will clear up ambiguity and show her you’re interested.
  • 50/50, they can help relax and excite her which builds chemistry.
  • Negative, she’ll react in kind and you’ll have instant feedback as opposed to wondering the whole night.

Why “as long as you feel comfortable”?

Remember, touching her can reliably communicate complex emotions. So, the odds are if you’re too nervous, she’ll sense it.


Practice, Practice, Practice

Becoming more comfortable with — and proficient at — early, platonic touch is a skill to build. This is especially true if you view yourself as someone who…

The touches WILL feel somewhat strange at first, which is why we recommend practicing with people you meet, no matter their gender.

Here are the steps:

  1. Notice all the friendly touch going on around you between strangers and acquaintances.
  2. Practice touching someone approachable on the outer upper arm as a “hello” or when sharing a laugh, making a point, or agreeing with something they said.
  3. Notice how warm and receptive people are to your touch, which fuels you repeating Steps 1 and 2 to your heart’s content.

Once you’re touching more people more often… you automatically feel more comfortable touching an attractive woman. You can discover much more about this here.


Building on the Importance of Touch

Early platonic touch is only one piece of the puzzle. A more foundational piece is genuine deep-down confidence: knowing what is most attractive about you and why.

That is exactly what we help you do in our free ebook on finding your own uniquely attractive vibe. Grab your copy here, and note the Attractive Vibe exercise on page 8! ;)

And if you’re ready to ramp up your dating skills so you can feel confident once and for all, check out our Launch Your Dating Life program. All details and an application are here.

Sarah from IA
Sarah from IA
Sarah is founder and CEO of Introverted Alpha; the top dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of Introverted Alpha's 22-page ebook in the box below.

Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts with Finding Your Own Vibe.

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