You’re respectful; here’s how to be comfortable in your own skin.
When you see an attractive woman, one part of you enjoys it. (Beauty is fun to look at!)
The other part of you, though, may feel the uncomfortable shame of low self-esteem.
That is totally normal, and feeling a bit nervous can actually nod to your respect for women and your integrity.
In this article, I’ll help you become more comfortable in your own skin around women you’re attracted to. No negative thinking or cheap tricks required!
Rather, you’ll feel the happy peacefulness that happens when you take care of yourself and entertain more positive than negative thoughts around yourself, your sexuality, and women.
We’ll start with this reframe:
Your sexual desire is either a burden or a gift to women.
1. Sexual desire from men onto women IS BURDENSOME when it is full of expectation and muddled boundaries.
2. That said, when desire is held loosely without expectation and without leeching into her space, your sexual desire is a gift because women love to be desired in a safe, respectful, spacious way.
When you feel at ease and comfortable in your own skin, Possibility #2 becomes simply the way that you are.
You feel desire. You enjoy the feeling. And you don’t need anything from the women you’re feeling attracted to. You can discover much more about this here.
They are free, and you are free.
That is a gift.
“I love beautiful women in my life; I love how it feels to be near them,” is the most attractive way you can ever be. Women can feel that from you.
In order to be comfortable around a woman you’re attracted to, you must not only be comfortable with yourself on an intellectual or platonic level, but on a bodily sexual level too.
In today’s world, that can be hard to be comfortable in your own skin.
Men are not exactly encouraged to feel liberated and at peace with their desire.
So now, we are going to take an objective look at Western society’s perceptions of male sexuality.
Then you can naturally let go of what doesn’t make sense and feel more comfortable with your sexual desire.
There are several ways men can feel uncomfortable with their sexuality, and we’re going look at how to counteract that in four distinct ways.
These four insights will help you become more comfortable in your own skin around desire and attraction.
You’ll see that there is NOTHING to be ashamed of at all, as long as you’re doing what’s right for you and respecting yourself and others.
1. Slow down to your introverted nature.
Sometimes, men are shamed for taking things too slowly.
Many men who go through Introverted Alpha’s program choose not to get physically intimate with a woman until they’re together for a long time, or in some cases even married.
This can be for religious reasons (for those who see sexual intimacy as an incredible and precious covenant between two people, best enjoyed within deep commitment). Or it can simply be because as an introvert, they don’t feel comfortable all of a sudden getting NAKED with a stranger. (!)
While this is definitely not the only way to see things, it’s also beautiful and respectful.
Sex is an intimate thing.
Some people are able to take it lightly, and others don’t even want to take it lightly.
The key is that there’s 100% self-respect and respect for the other.
Regardless of the reason for taking things slow, religious folks see it as supportive and wise. But those who are not religious often judge it as weird or abnormal, even weak.
Here’s the thing: it’s not weak!
If you like to take things slow, awesome. You’re going to find a woman who feels the same way, to enjoy the present moment without a rush alongside you.
2. Embrace your sexuality as a human man.
Sometimes, men are shamed for wanting too much sex or wanting sex too much.
And yet a man is a sexual being!
He wants to feel that part of himself come to life, whether expressed in this exact moment or not.
He wants to enjoy himself and make new connections.
And he has fun pushing his boundaries to connect with women more naturally for the fun of everyone involved.
Creating new adventures can be mutual!
As long as a man is at ease and straightforward with what he wants, he will attract women who are on the same page.
The key is that he’s loving and accepting of himself and the women he meets.
This is NOT validation-seeking, which gets no one happy.
No one honestly enjoys that deep down.
Validation-seeking objectifies the other person as a “thing” that you can somehow get validation from (yuck!).
A lot of pick-up artists sometimes have this vibe, which, for guys who have strong integrity, is a huge turn-off.
If it turns you off, good!
That means you have integrity.
And the best part?
It is possible to feel sexual desire and not be objectifying anyone.
You can enjoy having fun and creating interest with a woman. And at the same time, you are respecting her and see her as an individual, a beautiful and delightful human being.
Also along with embracing your human sexuality is taking care of yourself and your body in general with lots of water, long showers or whatever relaxes you, 10- or 20-minute runs here and there or however you like to be active, and plenty of self-love in the way you care for yourself physically, emotionally, and in all respects.
One thing a lot of Introverted Alpha guys have found helpful is sustaining loving eye contact with themselves in the mirror. You can do this just by looking at yourself with gratitude for all you’ve done for yourself in your life, for a few seconds up to a minute or longer.
Being self-compassionate and self-respecting means you are that much freer and clearer to enjoy the woman in front of you because you already enjoy yourself.
3. Savor the feeling of unattached desire.
Accepting (and enjoying!) the flow of sexual desire running through you when you see an attractive woman feels wonderful.
Just the desire alone feels GOOD.
You don’t even have to do anything about it, at least at first. Just enjoy it.
In fact, the more you enjoy it, the stronger she will feel your desire. And for a woman, feeling desire from a man who is comfortable in his own skin can be very exciting.
This is because when you’re comfortable in your own skin sexually, it’s wonderful and intriguing.
It’s like a gentle invitation to connect on that level, to reciprocate your attraction. She can only be a full YES to an option that’s clearly on the table.
4. Relish the possibility she’s attracted to you.
When you tune into your excitement as a current moving through you as you meet a beautiful woman, the way you are is different.
Whether you’re consciously aware or not, as you feel comfortable in your own skin with your desire, you will introduce it into your relating in subtle and natural ways such as through body language.
Feeling desire from you helps her feel you as a sexual man.
That is the only way she can see you as more than a friend.
To see if she feels that way, read her body language and be open to her showing you flirting signs.
From there, if she’s into you and you are feeling attracted to her, awesome! Move things along at whatever pace you like.
The key is… you are moving things along at whatever pace you like. That is a success. That’s being Alpha.
In conclusion, here is how to feel comfortable with desire:
As long as you are…
(a) clear about what you want,
(b) going at the pace and vibe that is right for you, and
(c) respecting and appreciating yourself and others…
FANTASTIC! You’re on the right track and definitely a happy man.
Also, keep in mind your four ways to stay comfortable and self-confident in your own skin around women:
- Slow down to your introverted nature.
- Embrace your sexuality as a human man.
- Savor the feeling of unattached desire.
- Relish the possibility she’s attracted to you.
For further reading, check out these free resources…
- Flirting signs to see whether a woman is into you (reading her for next steps)
- Why introverted men are so damn attractive (feeling confident in your body)
- Our 22-page ebook on finding your own naturally attractive vibe (feeling uniquely attractive)