Respectfully Approaching a Woman on the Street: 5 Stages

All about approaching a woman on the street with respect.

Do you ever ask yourself how you can meet more attractive women?

Sure, you can get dates from online or from the best places in-person for introverts, but what about beyond that?

What about day-to-day life, if you’re going about your errands or on the way to the gym, and a woman catches your eye…

What do you do then?

An Introverted Alpha reader had this same question:

What about a girl who catches my eye as I’m walking through the street? That’s honestly the most frequent situation I find myself in. Are there any resources from Sarah on how to approach in this situation?

If you’re thinking, “Great question, especially because the last thing I want to be is creepy or disrespectful”…

Then you’re in luck because you’re not alone!

Many introverted men don’t want to come across as rude or disrespectful when approaching a woman walking down the street.

That’s what we’re going to cover here together in this post.


What if you don’t want to be sending off pickup vibes?

If you’re an introverted man, chances are even if you may have learned some things from the pickup community, it’s not particularly in your natural vibe to approach women and start talking that way.

It’s hard to sort between advice like, “Take action on what’s important to you,” (helpful) and, “Dude, don’t worry about whether she wants you to approach her or not; don’t think about her, just about yourself,” (not helpful).

And if you’re ever approaching a woman on the street in an unhelpful way…

Here’s the thing:

She’s not going to be receptive to that provided that she respects herself, and you probably only want to engage women who respect themselves, am I right?

While we wish that all women did, and we can treat all respectfully, what we certainly don’t want to do is be disrespectful and see where the chips fall. (!)

So, that’s why it’s so important to be sending good vibes from moment #1, and a good, strong vibe comes from (a) your mindset and (b) your knowledge on how and when to awesomely engage a woman for the win-win.

When you do that, even if she’s not receptive, you will be in the clear and will learn from the experience and gently improve from there.


What does it mean to approach her respectfully?

Merriam-Webster defines respect as “an act of giving particular attention or consideration.”

Approaching a woman on the street in a respectful way means…

  1. You respect yourself.
  2. You respect her, and you care about her as a human being, since each human (including you!) is precious.
  3. You’re in tune with her; you care about her.
  4. From there, you approach in a very gradual, sequential way.
  5. As you go to each next step, you empathize with her and see where she’s at.
  6. Then you respond accordingly, letting things flow or come to a close in the best way.

So, *how* do we do that?

That’s what is next…


5 Stages of Approaching a Woman on the Street

It’s so helpful to understand the stages of the approach.

Yes, there are stages!

It’s not just…

“Oh here I am, suddenly talking to you from out of nowhere, while you have your earbuds in!”

Nope, not that at all.

This is great news because you don’t have to be brash or put pressure on yourself, even when approaching a woman on the street, which is traditionally thought of as necessarily brash.

Thank goodness it can be gentle, done in stages, so you don’t feel rude.

With these stages, which I’ll outline below, each one builds on and is made easier by the previous.

Here are the stages of approaching a woman on the street.

Note: You can also apply these anywhere you’re out and about: in line at the grocery store, browsing the drug store aisles for toothpaste, doesn’t matter where you are.


5 Stages of Approach on the Street:

  1. Making eye contact
  2. Smiling and prolonging eye contact
  3. Saying something, leaving it at that
  4. Saying something, staying with her
  5. Going somewhere together right then and/or getting her phone number

As you can see, approach starts with simple eye contact. That’s doable!

Then it progresses to prolonged as she’ll hold until it’s natural to say something to her (could be within a split second; could be for a few seconds or more).

These are the stages, and each one after the first stage needs a green/yellow light in order to proceed.


Is she giving you a red, yellow, or green light?

Do not progress to each next stage until you get a “green light” or at least a “yellow light” from her.

Why? Because if you progress when she is giving you a red light, you are being disrespectful, which is the opposite of what you want … and your straight ticket to painful rejection.

But if you progress only once you get a green or even a yellow light, then you’re setting yourself up for success and much more pleasantness and chemistry for both of you.

You’re setting yourself up to GO somewhere great with her.

Even if it’s just brightening her afternoon and yours from the joy of a sweet exchange (or more, if y’all so choose!), awesome.

Here are the green, yellow, and red lights you’ll want to look for.

These apply in any situation where you’re approaching her on the street:

  1. A green light is reciprocating what you’ve just done (eye contact as #1, on down)
  2. A yellow light is not backing away.
  3. A red light is a “no” or equivalent, such as having her headphones in while looking away and not wanting to engage = red light. (More on headphone etiquette and reasoning here.)

Do you see how only progressing when there’s a green or yellow light helps you to get more solid footing, while also being in tune with her and respectful?


What to say when approaching a woman on the street?

This one can feel tricky, right?

When starting a conversation with a woman you met at a friend’s house party or a painting class, you can go here for some tips on conversation starters and opening lines that aren’t canned pick-up lines.

But approaching on the street is different. It’s about more than just the words you say because of all that happens *before* that point in body language and your noticings.

This article shares exactly what to say when you first see a girl on the street.

For a quick summary, you can simply say,

I noticed you, and I had to come say ‘hi.’

It’s simple, honest, and always accurate.

These 10 simple words provide one of the easiest ways to start talking to a girl.


Summary and Your Next Steps

So, that’s how to approach a woman on the street!

Paying attention to these stages of approach, and the green/yellow/red lights will help a lot.

Stages of approach:

  1. Making eye contact
  2. Smiling and prolonging eye contact
  3. Saying something, leaving it at that
  4. Saying something, staying with her
  5. Going somewhere together right then and/or getting her number

Green/yellow/red lights:

  1. Green light – reciprocating what you’ve just done. Example: eye contact.
  2. Yellow light – not backing away.
  3. Red light – a “no” or equivalent (have headphones in, looking away and not wanting to engage).


Want more support?

And if you’d like our support on being respectful when you’re approaching a woman on the street or anywhere, awesome!

  • You can start by downloading our ebook on finding your deepest values and most attractive qualities, which will give you the strong confidence boost necessary to approach a girl.
  • From there, check out Launch Your Dating Life. This is our 12-week 1:1 coaching program on getting you set with a flow of new dating adventures!

For more advice on how to approach and talk to women, check out our article on how to talk to a beautiful woman, how to develop strong eye contact, and how to start an engaging conversation in any social setting.

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Sarah from IA
Sarah is founder and CEO of Introverted Alpha; the top dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of Introverted Alpha's 22-page ebook in the box below.

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