Busting the “Too Busy to Date” Myth

Why is balancing your schedule so important for your dating life?

If you’re anything like the amazing guys we work with every day, you are smart, active, and even involved with your community.

So what becomes the chief problem when it comes to dating?

Time.

Are some guys really too busy to date?

At first glance, it seems they are.

Whether it’s work, yoga class, volunteer work, time with family, travel, or grad school; SOMETHING seems to be hungrily gobbling up their hours.

By the end of the day, they can feel too spent to muster the energy for their dating lives.

What’s important to note is that many introverts use a packed schedule as an EXCUSE to avoid dating awkwardness.

Does that sound familiar? It’s quite common.

Here’s how one client put it:

“For me, I was always putting off meeting someone until I’ve achieved X goal. Once X goal was achieved, I created Y goal just to procrastinate meeting someone. I felt as if all I needed was this one thing and THEN, only then could I finally commit.”

This is a BIG THEME among our Introverted Alpha guys.

Want to know why?

It’s because other commitments — helping out a friend, going for a bike ride, or working out — feel certain and safe, whereas dating feels foreign and scary.

Luckily, there are steps every guy can take to manage time better. For dating specifically, time management is the key to busting the “too busy to date” myth.

The truth is being habitually busy may be self-imposed as a way to avoid dating… rather than being externally imposed, preventing you from dating.

If something is important to you, you WILL find a way.

In this post, we’ll show you how by introducing you to Ken, a guy who swore he was too busy to date.

His story mirrors MANY of the stories we hear from new clients, so it may sound familiar to you.

Once you hear Ken’s story, you’ll then learn the exact time management methods we helped Ken use. With a little practice, you can develop these same successful habits.

At the end of this post, we’ll share a recent email Ken sent to show his progress (a foreshadowing of what you can experience). Spoiler Alert: It’s PHENOMENAL!

Ken’s Busy Life

In addition to a successful career as a project manager, Ken led a weekly running group at LuLu Lemon. He also traveled and adventured a lot with his guy friends.

In the midst of all these commitments, his love life was non-existent. He had never been in a serious relationship in his life.

During our first meeting, Ken told us he had little to no time to focus on relationships. Between work, his running group, travel, and his family, he was — you guessed it — “too busy to date.”

So, we had a suggestion for him: prioritize your activities and turn one down that is low on the list. He agreed to try.

The initial returns were less than optimal.

Here’s what Ken said the week after our suggestion:

“We’ve talked about turning things down but I still find myself filling my time with things that come up. Before I know it, it’s too late and I am still doing stuff… 

“So I don’t know… I need to have some kind of habit or something that would keep me structured on what my main intention is, which is building relationships.”

Clearly, the “turn something down” approach didn’t work with Ken. He liked all of his activities too much to turn any of them down.

To be successful, we needed to dig deeper to develop a time management skillset.

A Fresh Perspective Leads to a Breakthrough

Ken took time off for a restorative vacation.

During his break, he asked some very healthy and tough questions about his life. Here’s what came of his reflections:

“I was able to restore myself, and it gave me a better perspective about choices I made in my life, about a lot of commitments I made in my life: if they are serving me, and if I want to keep them.”

As Ken was talking, we were doing a happy dance at the other end of the line. This type of thinking was an amazing step in the right direction.

Even better, his thinking led to a decision: 

He would stop the LuLu Lemon running group in favor of a running group-coordinating role, which would be way more fulfilling for him personally anyway.

Not only would it be more fun and energizing for him, but he could also continue his involvement with the community while freeing up two nights a week between class prep and teaching.

From fully booked to 2 free nights a week! The door to first dates and beyond was ajar.

Now, Ken needed a little nudge to step through.

He knew that meeting people was worth it; he just needed to find time in his social life calendar for actually dating someone.

Transitioning from Busy to Efficient

One fact you should know about Ken: he lives by his phone calendar.

He considers the events logged therein gospel, and up to this point, those events had not led to any meaningful relationships with women.

Yet thanks to his LuLu Lemon decision, two nights in that calendar per week were opening up. We had to act quickly before he filled them and became too busy to date again!

So, on that very same phone call, we structured a weekly routine.

  • Monday: Running group
  • Tuesday: Household stuff
  • Wednesday: Project/hobby night
  • Thursday: Family night
  • Friday: Go out/socialize/interact with women

We left the weekends open for his new LuLu Lemon coordinating time and whatever else might come up.

By scheduling that one Friday night event, we made two significant strides:

  1. We prevented some other non-interactive event from taking its place.
  2. We set the stage for his free weekend night to turn into a date night.

In addition to forging a routine, we asked Ken to start a daily journal of his interactions with women, big and small.

With more free time to meet people, Ken’s journal would start showing tangible proof of his improvements.

Why ask him to do this?

Like a business owner who looks at the finance numbers regularly, a journal of new social interactions would document the value of Ken’s time.

By the end of our conversation, Ken was ready:

“Yes, that can definitely work for me. I am excited to get started!”

From “Too Busy to Date” to “Too Busy Dating”

Ken’s calendar took just a few weeks to go from “too busy to date” to “too busy dating.”

Teamed with our coaching on the topics of flirting and touching, his newly structured calendar created a confident, badass Ken.

“I have been able to get in at least two social events per week with opportunities to meet lovely women which I’m happy about… In these events, I have connected with women at a whole different level.

“When we look into each other’s eyes, and we have a deep, warm connection where we are actually present with each other. Words are secondary to this feeling… And I have been using touch right away to help make clear what my intentions are…”

Amazing feedback and a tremendous improvement.

And yet Introverted Alpha is about one thing and one thing only: REAL, TANGIBLE DATING RESULTS. 

How did Ken do on the tangible dating results front?

“I have a date tomorrow and two others in the works!”

Woohoo! That’s what we’re talkin’ about.

Leaping Your “Too Busy to Date” Roadblocks

We know it’s hard to be successful at anything without spending the necessary time to excel. We also know that when work or family come calling, dating can fall down the priority list.

In day-to-day life, making the time to put yourself out there can get… conveniently forgotten.

As a result, interactions with women are few and far between and it’s too tempting to retreat (sometimes unknowingly) farther away from the badass you are meant to be.

That’s why guys who are too busy to date often need real, focused help!

If they keep on putting dating on the back-burner, YEARS pass by without them making progress.

Beautiful women who would have made a PERFECT match for them pair up with someone else who’s not as good for them, just because the more introverted guys were too complacent in the “nice guy” zone.

THIS IS TRAGIC AND UNACCEPTABLE.

And it certainly doesn’t have to happen to you.

At Introverted Alpha, we make it our mission to reverse this trend for our clients so they can welcome warm, loving women into their lives quickly and easily and permanently.

No matter how little time you have, every man can and MUST open up time to date and set up the possibility for a romantic relationship to develop.

For Ken, the combination of journaling and a structured routine worked wonders. For other busy people, it’s a slightly different approach.

The key is to realize the problem. Then you can start resolving it. 

For more dating advice, check out these resources:

  1. Our hallmark article, “7 Reasons Introverted Men Are So Damn Attractive.”
  2. Our piece on how to internalize your attractiveness as an introverted guy.
  3. And our post, “Putting Yourself Out There: Dating When You’re Reserved.

We also have a guide on online dating for introverted men, which can be a great option for many guys with long hours or a busy schedule.

As you spend time with these resources, you’ll get a more accurate and encouraging snapshot of how women are perceiving you and how to get into a dating flow.

And if you’d like our help just like we worked with Ken, check out Launch Your Dating Life, our 1:1 dating coaching program for introverted (and busy!) men.

Finally, if you’ve not taken our complimentary Dating Skills Assessment yet, be sure to do that. It will help you properly assess the current state of your dating skills, so you know where you stand and what’s next.

Sarah Jones
Sarah Jones
Sarah Jones is founder and CEO of Introverted Alpha; the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of Sarah's 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

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