“I want to learn how to meet women without having to use dating apps. Where do I start?”
We’re willing to bet that nearly every introverted single man has asked himself this question at one point or another.
Much of the offline dating advice is geared toward extroverts who spend a lot of time at parties and bars.
When you may prefer to keep to yourself most of the time and you enjoy simply hanging out with your few closest friends, you might not feel as if you have as many opportunities to meet a woman in person.
After all, what are you supposed to do, tell a woman in the grocery store’s deli aisle that you think she’s beautiful out of nowhere?
(Well, maybe yes per this post on approaching a woman in the grocery store, but we’ll get to more on that later…)
That’s why today’s post is going to explain how to meet women in real life without completely changing your personality and suddenly deciding you’d love to go clubbing this weekend.
We’ll talk about…
- expanding your social circle by a comfortable degree or two at a time,
- making sure every “approach” counts, so you increase your odds of success and get used to being direct, and
- preparing something to say to a woman ahead of time, so you don’t hesitate when you come across someone you’d love to talk to.
First, let’s talk about why you might want to know how to meet women in real life as opposed to dating websites.
Why is it important to know how to meet women in real life?
Dating apps can be great. There’s no denying that.
However, they can also feel frustrating, time-consuming, and possibly even a bit demoralizing, if you haven’t yet been able to make them work for you.
Not only that, many people prefer incidental real-world connections that come out of nowhere, which are hard to replicate in the world of swiping and browsing profiles.
If you’ve got your app open and you’re hovering your thumb over the “delete” button for the sixth time this month, what’s stopping you?
Are you hesitating because you aren’t positive you’ll be able to meet women without online dating?
If so, that’s okay!
Getting comfortable with your ability to meet women in the real world is such a huge confidence boost. When you know you don’t need the apps to be successful, it’s so much easier and more fun to do both online and offline dating!
Now, let’s jump in.
First, work on extending your social circle.
Introverts typically keep a few “best” friends close and prioritize those few over all others.
While this may work perfectly when you’re deciding who you want to invite over for beer and video game night in an hour, it may not be optimal if it means you’re confused about how to meet women in real life.
You might be surprised how expanding your connections once- or twice-removed from your usual circle of friends can bring new and lovely women into your life.
Better yet, since they get along with your friends, these women are already primed to get along with you, too, because you share those connections in common.
We know, we know…
It takes you so far out of your comfort zone to start hanging out with people outside of your normal social circle. However, if you want to get out of the dating app lifestyle, you’ll need to confront that discomfort sooner or later.
How do you accomplish this as easily and pleasantly as possible?
Try a few different techniques:
- Actually attend one of those work luncheons you always manage to dodge,
- Invite a few acquaintances for drinks out after work,
- Join a meetup group with a few close friends and hold each other accountable when it comes time to attend, or
- Ask your friends to bring one other friend next time you have a gathering.
Since you already know and are comfortable with at least some of the people you’ll be out with, you’ll feel a bit more in your element. This can mean higher confidence and a better likelihood of hitting it off with a lovely lady who catches your attention. ;)
Once you do come across someone you’d love to talk to, either in a group of friends or “in the wild”…
Make it obvious that you’re approaching her.
If you want to know how to meet women in real life, you’ll have to get comfortable with the “cold approach” at some point (although we have a completely different view of “cold approach” here!).
Introverted men often don’t like doing this, yet if you iron out the wrinkles, you’ll likely find it’s not as scary as you thought it would be. You may even discover the real-life connection to be more natural-feeling than what you’ve experienced with the dating apps!
Now, if you’re a shy guy going into this, you might feel tempted to keep your approach vague… Are you trying to walk up to her, or are you trying to make your way past her to get to the Cinnamon Toast Crunch shelf?
You might think that if you keep it vague, it’ll be easier and less embarrassing to play it off like “Oh who me? Yeah, I was just trying to get past you…” even if you weren’t.
However, this method can backfire!
Women can be shy, too! Or distracted, or caught off guard. If you’re unclear about your intentions, she may be unclear on how to respond. You could find yourselves in one of those awkward “Oh, excuse me, sorry am I blocking the way to the cereal aisle?” kind of interactions.
You want her to know for sure that you would like to talk to her.
That way, she can either clearly reciprocate your interest and hold a conversation with you, or clearly indicate that she doesn’t want to talk. No confusing gray area necessary!
Yes, you’ll have to experience that anxiety over being rejected, but honestly, what’s the worst that could happen? You’ll feel a little awkward for a while and then it’ll be all over and you can go home.
On the other hand… What’s the worst that could happen if you never learn how to meet women in real life by approaching confidently? You risk missing out on meeting your soul mate!
So how do you signal that you’re approaching a woman?
- Catch her eye and hold eye contact for a second or two so she knows it’s intentional,
- Smile warmly,
- Walk up to her, and
- Say something!
What do you say? Well…
Prepare something to say when you meet a woman.
Let’s say you’re at the library and you spot a gorgeous woman browsing the section that lists your favorite author. While you’d love to talk to her, instead you freeze in your tracks.
“What do I say?!”
If the shyness clouding your mind faded for a second, you would probably realize the answer is fairly intuitive:
Walk up to her and make a book recommendation, of course!
Whenever possible, use your environment to generate clues for things that might be of mutual interest. These are often the best icebreakers!
However, what if she were instead simply walking down the street? What do you do when there’s no apparent reason for you to make contact with her?
For situations like this, you might find it helpful to prepare a few simple icebreakers ahead of time. That way, you can pull one out at a moment’s notice.
While you don’t have to plan it out word for word (in fact, it’s probably better if you don’t), you might at least want to have the bullet points available in your mind for easy recall.
The best “lines” will be authentic, generated by you, and meaningful in the moment. One of our favorites at Introverted Alpha is, “I noticed you and I had to come say ‘hi’.”
It’s honest, clear, and relevant every time!
You can also try any or all of the following and see which ones bring you the best results:
- “I’ve never seen you here before. Are you new to the neighborhood? Nice to meet you!”
- “I think your necklace (or jacket, or hair color…) is awesome! It looks nice on you.”
- “Your dog is adorable! Can I pet him?”
For more ideas on conversation starters, check out this post: “Conversation Starters for Talking to an Attractive Woman.”
Conclusion on how to meet women in real life:
Making a connection outside of dating apps doesn’t have to feel like such a long shot! All it takes is a bit of practice and getting used to pushing your comfort zone.
Let’s recap today’s tips:
- Utilize your existing friend circle and start including friends of friends,
- When you approach a woman, make your intentions clear, and
- Have something in mind to say, so it’s less intimidating to make the first move.
If you suspect that your confidence level could use some work before you start approaching women, we can help! Download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead,” to start leveling up your self-esteem right now.
Or perhaps you’re feeling great about meeting a woman, yet you’re still not clear on what to do after that. We have you covered there, too. Join our First Touch to First Kiss program and learn how to build chemistry naturally from the first date onward! Learn more here.