How do you break the ice when you want to start a conversation with a woman?
You’re out and about, being awesome and going about your business, when you notice an attractive woman you would very much enjoy talking to.
What do you do?
Do you saunter on up, smile warmly, and let the chemistry build from there?
Or, do you freeze, rack your brain for possible conversation starters, and then talk yourself out of taking a chance because you don’t think you have anything to say?
If you’re in the second boat, this article is for you!
It’s so easy to get intimidated and let her walk away before you work up the nerve to say hi. But if you give in to that fear and let it keep you from starting conversations, how will you…
- build your confidence
- practice your dating and conversational skills, and
- meet new and interesting women in an offline setting?
Today, we’re going to cover conversation starters you can use in real-life situations, depending on the scenario in which you meet your intended lovely lady.
Whether you spot her…
- eyeing fresh greens at the grocery store,
- dancing up a storm after salsa lesson, or
- shooting arrows straight to your heart at your weekly archery group practice…
You’ll have a great icebreaker prepped and ready so you don’t miss a great opportunity to make a connection with her!
Why is it important to seize everyday opportunities to start conversations with attractive women?
As with so many other dating-related questions, the answer lies with building confidence and practicing skills.
When you practice a skill, you get better at it! It doesn’t matter if that skill is playing the guitar, learning a new language, or speaking to women; the effect is the same.
As you get used to approaching women and finding them responding warmly to you… and sometimes going on to have an amazing experience together… it becomes easier for you to make your approaches confidently and calmly.
In turn, this leads to even more success!
Also, remember that the woman who caught your interest may be just as nervous as you are to strike up a conversation with a handsome stranger!
Help her out by offering a topic for her to jump on if she’s interested in talking with you.
Now, let’s dive in and discover some great conversation starters you can use in a variety of scenarios!
Conversation starters for obviously social situations:
When you’re at a party, a bar, a club, a singles group meeting, or another setting where people attend for the purpose of being social, you can safely assume that it’s okay to approach someone out of the blue.
It is completely okay to take a chance in a venue like this. After all, that’s why most everyone is there, presumably!
Even if the woman you approach ends up being taken already and is simply attending with some of her friends, you are still totally in the clear for talking to an attractive stranger.
You’re simply being friendly.
You don’t know whether it will turn into more, and yet you’re starting a conversation. That’s what “friendly” means!
Good conversation starters for social situations range from relaxed and low-key (if you’re not sure of her single status) to more bold and straightforward (if you are at a singles event, for example).
Who knows, you might even get into a deep conversation about your favorite sports, reality tv shows, or even your favorite restaurant nearby. Or maybe the conversation goes to favorite movies, favorite foods, or even favorite subjects to paint or photograph if one or both of you is artistic. When you’re enjoying an engaging conversation, even your pet peeves can be fun to talk about together!
Once you get to know her a little more, you could mention something you noticed about her, even a tiny detail, followed up by a question to continue your small talk, for example:
“I noticed you’re only eating the cashews out of this bowl of nuts; are they your favorite?”
Or you could ask more in-depth questions like,
“What are three things on your bucket list?” or “If you could travel anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would you go?”
Even better, sometimes the best way to get to know someone in a loud, crowded venue (although those venues are by no means necessary) is by using no words at all!
Your body language and physical chemistry are two powerful differentiators you have at your disposal. Use them!
If you’re out dancing and the venue has the right atmosphere, you can approach a woman and ask her to dance using only your eyes and body language. This has the benefit of being extra mysterious and intriguing, especially if you project confidence and leave her wondering…
“Who is this mysterious guy?!”
She will likely be thinking about you all night! That leaves the door open for you to approach her later and strike up an actual conversation, or ask for her number or social media handle if she seems especially responsive.
If that sounds like too much for you to start off with, it’s okay! You can meet your dream woman without ever setting foot in a place that has dancing and thumping music.
You can always stick with the quieter end of the spectrum if you prefer.
It’s much better to approach someone using a method you’re comfortable with rather than get too nervous and botch an approach you weren’t ready for.
A well-meaning compliment is a great start.
On the other hand, a simple comment on something in your shared environment breaks the ice just fine as well. Then, you can follow it up with a question to get her input and start a dialogue.
Try something like…
- “You are so beautiful!” if you’re feeling bold and complimentary, or
- “These mini-sandwiches are delicious, have you had one?” if you aren’t.
Both work great!
Once you’re comfortable at this stage, you can take your newly honed skills and translate them to more broad situations.
Striking up a conversation in a more ambiguous setting:
The locations we’re talking about in this step could still be interpreted as social or group activities, but many of the people there may not be single.
For example, you might meet a woman at…
- the gym,
- a cooking class,
- a martial arts lesson,
- a local theater club…
…or any number of other similar places.
So, at first, you likely have no idea whether she’s available.
What you can safely assume in these settings is that the two of you share at least one common interest: your present activity.
For this reason, the best strategy is usually to use your environment as a conversation starter.
Sprinkle your opening lines with compliments, if you can work them in naturally. And transition by asking her a question, so it’s easier for her to chime in!
For each of the example venues listed above, you could try a compliment-to-question opener like…
- “Your running form is impeccable. Have you completed any races?”
- “Your grilled cheese looks incredible! Have you had chef training before?”
- “You seem so present and focused! What keeps you that way?”
- “Your opening monologue was awesome! What did you do to prep?”
One important note is this:
Do NOT say any of the above or anything at all unless you genuinely mean it!
This is where IA is super different from a lot of advice out there, for example telling you to ask for directions if you don’t need them. No! Don’t ever do that.
Any genuine woman will smell the lack of sincerity, plus you would be disappointed with yourself if you have integrity. Instead, you can find a true thing to say and simply say that. :)
Now, once you have her attention and can gauge how she responds, use her reactions to guide the conversation naturally. Follow her lead in terms of how interested she appears to be.
Building the skill of matching her interest then helps you graduate to the next level:
Approaching women in everyday locations:
Walking up to an attractive woman when you have no clear, obvious reason to do so is the dating equivalent of “cold-calling” in business marketing.
While not for the faint of heart, you can definitely make cold-approaches work for you.
In fact, here are 10 words you can say when approaching a woman in any setting that are (a) always true and (b) a great vibe.
Just remember that not every woman wants to be approached by men at all, and even one who does may not be expecting to make a connection when she’s at the grocery store after work and her hair is a mess.
The risk of rejection is naturally higher in these scenarios.
That said, when you have built up your confidence and your dating skills to the level where you feel comfortable attempting a spontaneous approach “in the wild,” you will likely also understand that it may not be you who she’s outright rejecting.
After all, some of these women are bound to be married, already dating someone, or simply uninterested in having a conversation at that time.
If you can accept those risks and press forward with confidence, you are well on your way to becoming a benevolent badass!
“In the wild,” as with our previous locations, using your environment can still be a good way to get the conversational ball rolling.
“You look like you know what you’re doing, choosing that merlot. Do you have any suggestions for what I could pair with these steaks I just picked out?”
… feels friendly and open-ended.
However, if you play it so low-key in an everyday location like this, you run the risk of being too subtle with your interest. She may simply give you the name of a great wine and be on her way.
On the other hand, an overt compliment like,
“You are so beautiful!”
… can feel super awkward in a bright, after-work-vibes grocery store.
So, what to do?
“I noticed you, and I had to come say ‘hi.’”
It’s clear, direct, and honest. It signals your interest in her without coming across as too forward or overbearing.
From there, she has the choice to respond favorably and talk with you, or dodge the advance gracefully without having to hurt your feelings.
Conclusion on the best conversation starters for talking to an attractive woman.
While it’s not always easy for you to approach women, it can be simple, if you use these ideas to craft your own list of conversation starters for any situation.
The most important takeaways from today’s article are…
- using the setting as the deciding factor for how best to approach a woman,
- tactfully including compliments, questions, and comments on your shared environment to spark a conversation, and
- gauging her level of interest by how she responds to your approach.
Plenty of awesome, intellectual men struggle with gathering the confidence to talk to attractive women. If you want some extra help, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
For even more intensive help, check out our Launch Your Dating Life program which allows us to give you personalized 1:1 guidance, feedback, and accountability for your individual situation. If you’re interested, talk to us with a 1:1 phone call (apply here), and we can see if the program is right for you!