What’s best to do when a woman makes eye contact with you?
You’re out with friends, and a woman has caught your eye. In fact, she seems to be looking at you right now…
So what do you do?
For a lot of guys, the tendency is to look away. This is especially true for introverted men, who are naturally more reserved by nature.
For example, take this Introverted Alpha reader’s question about what to do when a woman makes eye contact…
I tend to immediately look away when meeting the eyes of a stranger, which I guess is not very inviting to start a conversation.
I’d be interested to learn what are the best eye contact techniques for flirting in different situations like when at the gym, or club.
Great question, right?
Let’s dive in…
First, why is this important?
The way you make eye contact can make or break a situation:
If you *don’t* make eye contact…
If you tend to look away when a woman makes eye contact with you, then several problems can come from that:
(1) She may think you’re not interested (and if you’re looking away, you may not have the guts to show her otherwise, which means she’ll keep thinking you’re not interested).
(2) You feel really bad that you’re not able to do something as simple as eye contact (but don’t worry! I’ll show you why it’s been an issue so far, why it’s not your fault, and how to fix it).
If you *do* make eye contact…
But if you DO make eye contact with her or return her eye contact, then the opposite great things happen!
(1) She knows that you’re interested and confident enough to express that, which is not only attractive but also gives you two somewhere to take things from there.
(2) You feel awesome and powerful, which then reinforces that confidence she sensed from you in the first place!
So, what’s behind successfully responding to a woman when she makes eye contact with you?
It all comes down to confidence and how you show that.
Remember how I said that it’s not your fault that you’ve not been able to hold eye contact for long before now?
That’s because the truth is there is not something wrong with you.
Rather, there is something wrong with what you’ve been LEARNING and APPLYING.
If you’ve been learning anything that tells you…
>> Women are like robots and need to see random calculated looks or smiles to “fall for you”…
>> You have to be the “life of the party” type guy to be comfortable with eye contact and with dating in general…
>> The cards are stacked against you because you’re introverted…
Well, of COURSE, you are going to feel awkward!
As we like to say down South…
What’s down in the well comes up in the bucket.
This means that whatever is down deep inside of you (fears, projections of untruths onto women and yourself) ends up showing through your mannerisms and vibe (eye contact included).
So what we want to do is CLEAN OUT the gunk in there so that it’s only (or mostly only) your awesomely attractive vibe left!
As for how to do that overall big-picture, our Launch Your Dating Life program is a straight ticket to that.
As for eye contact specifically once a good level of confidence is built, here are a few key things you can do for that part…
How long do you hold eye contact for?
The first principle of great eye contact is answering this question…
How long do I look at her before looking away?
You may have heard it said that the first person to look away is the “weaker” one and that should be reserved for her.
Well, there is some truth in this AS LONG AS she is happy when she’s looking at you, relaxed in her body language and vibe (or nervous in a happy way!).
If she is unhappily looking away, then certainly don’t keep looking at her.
But if she seems to really like you and she feels shy as she pleasantly looks away, then her getting to do that first does set a nice leadership tone from your end, a nice boldness that both of you can rest into and enjoy.
So how do you do that?
How do you hold eye contact when you’re quite nervous?
(1) First, take a deep breath, and recall courageous times when you were enduring pain or discomfort in other ways and stayed with it for your own growth, like in a marathon or even just a casual Sunday jog, but staying with it instead of stopping the moment you feel a bit tired.
(2) Refocus back on the moment, which includes her, and also all the things and people buzzing around you in the background. Think of a photo with a beautifully focused subject and then all of the melty background behind it, supporting it. It’s a beautiful thing. That’s what you get to experience in this moment with her. It’s a gift, not a struggle, even though it does take boldness.
(Need help cultivating that boldness in yourself? That is exactly what we do in Phase 1 of Launch Your Dating Life.)
Now onto another facet of what to do when a woman makes eye contact with you: your smile…
How do you smile while maintaining eye contact?
Perhaps you’ve heard that you shouldn’t smile, that it makes you seem people-pleasing…
Or to give an “impish smile” which truly sounds awful and calculated… how in the world are you supposed to manage your smile while also having any noteworthy effect on her?
Noteworthy effects come from a deeper sense of confidence and purpose.
Anything that sincerely moves her has to be real.
By nature, it can’t come from moving our facial muscles in such a way as to construct a false projection for her to hopefully see and believe!
This is great news, actually.
You can actually just RELAX and smile in a more natural way.
Will it be perfectly natural from Attempt #1? Nope. Neither was riding your bicycle for the first time.
But we can certainly make a “crash” less likely when we use the “training wheels” of a gentle smile.
Here’s how to smile naturally.
When a woman makes eye contact with you and you find her beautiful, let yourself enjoy not only her beauty but your own attractiveness as well.
If you are focused on her beauty ONLY, then you will be ignoring yourself, which means your sense of self will fade into the background.
(This is until you have SUCH a strong sense of self that you don’t even have to think of it anymore; it’s just always there supporting you… and that takes time and practice, so it’s okay if you’re still working on it!)
So if you’re still building up your sense of self, then focusing on that helps you to be present to your own attractiveness, in addition to hers.
From there, you can enjoy:
(a) your own sense of self which feels good
(b) her attractiveness which also feels good
(c) the sense of possibility flowing between the two of you.
When you dwell on those things, a natural smile emerges.
No fake and distracting manipulation of facial muscles needed!
Is eye contact different depending on the environment?
Depending on where you are, the “flavor” of eye contact will be different, so it’s important to be attuned to this.
“Flavor” means the feeling of the eye contact, how you and she sense it…
If you are anywhere with a daytime vibe, like at the gym, on the street, or at the grocery store; it will be more light and friendly naturally.
If you are anywhere with a nighttime vibe, like at a cocktail party, a bar or lounge, or anywhere like that; it will naturally be more of a darker, more intense vibe.
Feel out the flavor of the eye contact based on the lightness or darkness of where you are.
When a woman makes eye contact with you and…
You *don’t* make eye contact …
- She may think you’re not interested.
- You feel really bad that you’re not able to do something as simple as eye contact.
You *do* make eye contact…
- She knows that you’re interested and confident enough, which is attractive and could lead to something more.
- You feel awesome and powerful, which then reinforces that confidence she sensed from you in the first place!
How do you hold eye contact when you’re quite nervous?
- Take a deep breath, and recall courageous times
- Refocus back on the moment, which includes her, and also all the things and people buzzing around you in the background.
Now you know what to do when a woman makes eye contact with you.
You have also learned that making eye contact makes you feel confident and strong. Yay!
- You can start by downloading our ebook on finding your deepest values and most attractive qualities, which will give you the strong confidence boost necessary for approach.
- From there, check out Launch Your Dating Life. This is our 12-week 1:1 coaching program on getting you set with a flow of new dating adventures!
For more advice on what to do when a woman makes eye contact with you, check out this article on how to make eye contact without being creepy, and how to how to start an engaging conversation in any social setting.
Thank you for reading. :)