How do I put myself out there? 6 key steps
Do you ever feel like your close friends and family members don’t exactly understand how your dating process is different as an introvert? Considering how to put yourself out there for dating, while you may hear a lot of people close to you recommend blind dates, dating apps, and popular dating advice… the same techniques they use might not resonate with you.
The truth is, your friends and family love you dearly and want to see you living your best life. They know that you’re interested in dating and that your desire is to…
- Enter the dating world with confidence,
- Meet new people,
- Expand your comfort zone,
- Break free of unrealistic dating expectations portrayed on social media, and
- Experience personal growth as you’re setting goals to move your dating life forward.
These are all beautiful hopes that your loved ones have for you!
These are our hopes for you as well here at Introverted Alpha. And better yet… our dating coaches have years of experience helping introverted men like you date in a way that highlights your character, personality, and authenticity.
That’s why today’s post is all about the 6 ways to answer the question of how to put yourself out there for dating!
What’s holding you back?
Most introverted men agree on one obstacle to venturing outside of their shell: confidence. Here’s why:
Now, let’s explore the 6 ways you can put yourself out there!
1. Choose a positive mindset
Mindset is key, especially if putting yourself out there feels a bit scary at first.
Whether you’re hesitant about rejection, awkward pauses, or making yourself vulnerable, start with softening your self-talk!
Learning to treat yourself with gentleness and respect isn’t about glossing over ways you can improve.
Choosing a positive mindset is about moving from a place of criticism to curiosity.
Do you tend to use negative self-talk? Maybe you…
- Put yourself down with shaming accusations,
- Think catastrophically, or
- Focus on generally less than positive feelings toward yourself.
Notice how you feel after thinking that way. Do you feel defeated or drained?
Instead, move towards curiosity. That may look like…
- Speculating where you could have improved,
- Coming up with creative solutions,
- Attempting to understand a situation or conversation from all angles, or
- Practicing empathy for yourself and others.
Ultimately, curious thinking allows you to develop an empowering sense of what to do differently next time. Being introspective reveals the value in the experience by paving the way for personal growth.
Another way to practice giving yourself grace is to pretend you’re speaking to a friend instead of yourself. What advice would you give a friend if they were in the same situation as you?
Here’s a great example of having a positive mindset while treating yourself with curiosity and compassion.
“I haven’t been putting myself out there as much as I want. So what do I want instead, and how can I get there?”
In contrast with a critical, negative mindset, a positive attitude can be incredibly motivating as you learn to put yourself out there.
2. Answer these 4 questions
Before putting yourself out there, first you need to identify your goal.
We all know you aren’t asking, “How do I put myself out there?” out of boredom. So, what’s making you feel willing to stretch your comfort zone?
Ask these questions to specify your goal as you seek to attract the right women for you:
- Who do you want to connect with?
- What kinds of qualities or interests does she have?
- How will you put yourself out there in a way that intrigues her?
- What kinds of venues might she visit, and when?
As you answer these questions, you’ll naturally narrow down the best settings for meeting and connecting confidently with women who are well-matched for you.
That way you don’t spend your time or energy in places that won’t help you reach your goal.
Still can’t narrow down your goal? Try this template. Replace the bold words to make the statement feel true to you:
“I want to develop a meaningful bond with an attractive, kind woman with whom I could build a lasting connection.”
For example, maybe you’re looking for a playful bond with an intelligent woman. Perhaps you’re seeking someone who you could enjoy your favorite hobbies with or build a family with.
Get as specific, clear, and brief as possible with your goal. Otherwise, how will you know if you succeed?
Action Step: Write your goal down and place it somewhere you’ll see regularly, such as your bathroom mirror or refrigerator.
3. Prioritize places that help you shine
Popular dating advice suggests bars and clubs as great meeting venues.
However, those typically aren’t where introverts’ strengths really show.
Instead, you could explore a new hobby, get introduced by a mutual friend, or give dating apps a fresh, well-informed chance.
Here are some hobby-oriented settings many of our clients have enjoyed…
- Partner dancing lessons and social dances, like salsa and ballroom
- Intramural sports, like flag football or soccer
- Cooking, baking, or cocktail-making classes
- Art or pottery classes
- Volunteering opportunities like Habitat For Humanity or a local food bank
Don’t underestimate the power of a mutual friend in meeting someone, either. You could…
- Let someone who knows you well make date plans for you,
- Make sure the people closest to you know that you’re looking to meet more people and ask if they know of anyone who may be a good match, or
- Introduce yourself to a beautiful woman who seems to be friends with your brother or buddy.
And while dating apps may have felt a bit taboo in the past, the truth is that meeting your partner or spouse online is much more socially acceptable and common than ever before. Consider these points…
- Everyone on the dating site is single, so you don’t have to worry about asking,
- Online dating offers a very low stakes environment to practice putting yourself out there, and
- The dating app algorithms on platforms like Hinge are designed to help you connect with women who are good matches for you!
Once you set your profile up correctly to showcase yourself at your best, online dating is an easy way to start putting yourself out there without leaving the comfort of your phone. You can discover much more about this topic in our online dating megaguide.
4. Start with more small “yes’s”
One surefire way to expand your horizons is by saying “yes” to activities you may have said “no” to before.
For example, you can take small steps forward in these ways…
- Taking up a hobby you’ve been wanting to try. Start googling that hobby in your city. Then you can set a date and time to go check out the place.
- Meeting others through friends. Start with accepting an invitation to go out this weekend which you may have otherwise refused.
- Sharing fun posts on social media. Start by taking a picture of yourself doing an activity you enjoy; then post to your feed with an interesting caption!
- Starting a conversation with the woman in front of you at your local coffee shop. Begin by giving her a genuine compliment. Then, if she seems receptive, ask if she’d like to meet up for coffee or lunch later that week.
These seemingly small steps stack up quickly as you put yourself out there more consistently and in a more gentle way.
5. Let your appearance speak for you
Do you ever wonder, “How do I put myself out there in a chill, natural way that others sense early on and want to be around?”
Putting yourself out there isn’t some grandiose, public gesture. (This is great news for introverts who wouldn’t be comfortable with that, anyway!)
Rather, putting yourself out there via your physical appearance involves considering the impression you already make, and then making your choices more intentionally.
A healthy level of awareness surrounding your hygiene, grooming, and general style can help you leverage your physical appearance to align with your goals of putting yourself out there and connecting with women.
This article on dressing to impress will help you understand…
- Why clothes matter,
- The small changes that stack up,
- How to pick the right fit for clothing and accessories, and
- Expressing yourself through your style.
We recommend opening that link in a new tab to read later so you don’t lose your place here. :)
6. Accept the fact that women already like you!
Now let’s look at how to share the best version of yourself with people in general and with women you’re attracted to.
There are two parts to this equation…
Knowing why women are attracted to you naturally increases your courage to put yourself out there.
As much self-doubt as you might have in taking a risk, the pain of taking no risks is greater.
Do you resonate with this IA reader (let’s call him Damarius)?:
“Looking back on a lot of my experiences, I have found that I have had a lot of interest from women, but I still find myself unable to approach or escalate, and that’s something I really want to work on.”
As you can see from his experience, feeling that warm glow of a woman’s attention can be a great confidence boost, yet you’ll still need a foundation of confidence to act.
Once you’re ready to tackle this head-on with a dating coach specifically for introverted men, consider enrolling in one of our coaching programs (details here!).
Conclusion on how to put yourself out there for dating
3 actionable steps to take now
Here’s what to do next to make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving:
- For more advice about putting yourself out there, read this article.
- Download our free ebook if you haven’t already, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build your dating skills on a foundation of confidence!
- For more personalized support, consider our Magnetic Confidence program.
As an introverted man, do you ever worry that you’ll always be seen as “the nice guy”?
Perhaps you’ve been so caught up trying to please other people that you forgot (or even never found out!) what exactly you want.
If this all sounds familiar, Magnetic Confidence was designed specifically for you. We’ll help you…
- Get noticed by quality women,
- Replace “nice guy” patterns with genuine strength, and
- Develop an unshakable sense of self.