Moving beyond the first date
First dates can hold so many questions…
- “Should we split the bill?”
- “How do I navigate this awkward silence?”
- “Am I seeing any red flags with her?”
- … and more!
Meanwhile, you wish you could Google “how to know if she wants a second date” under the table without her noticing. ;)
Maybe you did all the research you could before the date started. You know what to look for in terms of body language and eye contact. You’re committed to paying attention to everything she says. Perhaps you’ve even looked into some good dating tips from a relationship expert.
And yet, when you’re in the moment, you feel frozen.
You don’t want to come off too strong and push her away, and you also don’t want to let the moment slip by with someone who would have been genuinely interested in a second date.
Happily, we’ve got your back. Today, we’re going to cover everything you need to figure out if she wants a second date (or doesn’t!), along with what to say next.
By the end of this post, you will be much more comfortable with knowing when she is interested in a second date and how to ask her.
What is needed to ask for that second date
If you’re familiar with Introverted Alpha, you already know that we’re not about to perpetuate the “fake it till you make it” advice that you typically see all over the internet.
Because faking it doesn’t work for introverts.
Asking for a second date has nothing to do with guts, forcing a macho persona, or even taking a leap of faith.
Now, let’s dive in!
How to know if she wants a second date
As a thoughtful, introverted man, we know how much you want a woman to feel respected and honored in the way you communicate with and treat her.
That’s why we’re breaking down the signs in detail so that you know whether she does not want a second date, if she may want one later, or if she does want you to go ahead and ask her for a second date!
Signs she DOES NOT want a second date
Pay close attention to her, and respect that the answer is “no” if you’re seeing that she…:
- Doesn’t really seem into you,
- Seems tense or hesitant with “one foot in, one foot out,”
- Doesn’t seem comfortable around you, or
- Actually said “no.”
Signs she wants a second date, just NOT YET
Sometimes the timing isn’t quite right to ask for another date.
Maybe she seems warm and open while also coming off as a bit hesitant.
If she’s mentioned anything on her calendar that would complicate going on a second date or building momentum in your relationship, you can hold off on asking for a second date.
Better yet, you can even acknowledge that she has a lot on her plate coming up, and say you’ll reach out in a period of time when her schedule has likely slowed down, to see about getting together again.
If the answer is a “yes… only later” from her, still take this opportunity to voice what about her draws you to her and why you’d like to see her again, while ALSO acknowledging the commitments she mentioned that could make that challenging for a while. This will affirm your interest in her, all while showing her that you are empathetic to her busy season of life.
Signs she DOES want a second date
You don’t want to miss the moment by not making a move when you both want you to, when there are actual green lights. You can feel confident in knowing she wants a second date if she is…
- Warm and open to you,
- Moving closer to you, and
- Responding well to your touch.
Still not sure? Check out these 22 Signs She’s Into You On A First Date!
Pro Tip: Don’t wait for her to make the first move when there are clear signs she wants you to build the chemistry between you two!
How to ask her on a second date
When you’re on a first date, you may feel like you have to ask for a second date because that decision seems like the most polite option. However, the kindest possible action you can take is to show that you listened to her and read her signals well!
Check-in with yourself first.
Many kind-hearted, introverted men never want to hurt anybody’s feelings. This can sometimes lead introverted men to ask for a second date without being completely sure that’s what they truly want.
So, how can you be sure that asking for a second date is coming from a genuine place?
Consider this: Are you thinking about whether or not to ask for a second date in terms of “shoulds” or in terms of desire?
Focusing on what you should do may sound like…
- “She seems interested in me, so I owe her a second date.”
- “Maybe she is having an off day. I’ll give her another chance.”
- “I’ll ask her out again so she doesn’t feel like I don’t like her.”
Meanwhile, focusing on what you want to do may sound like enjoying her…
- “Wow, we had such an incredible time together! I hope I get to see her again soon!”
- “I’m curious to learn more about her. I have so many questions to ask her next time!”
- “She mentioned a movie coming out that she wants to see. Maybe I can take her there for our next date!”
Or perhaps not enjoying her, which is also okay, for example…
- “I checked the time a lot and went to the bathroom for a break. I won’t lead her on.”
- “Although I like her as a person, there are some big areas of incompatibility in our goals. So I won’t ask her for a second date.”
- “While she is lovely, I didn’t feel like we really connected. I’m not interested in a second date.”
Pro Tip: The key indicator that you should ask for a second date is ENTHUSIASM.
Be bold and clear.
If you’re wondering how to ask for a second date, the absolute best approach is to tell her WHY you want another date!
Here’s a sample script to help you get started:
“[Name], I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you tonight! I really like how you [share what you like about her]. I’d like to keep getting to know you! Can I take you to [specific date idea] on [specific day]?”
She’ll find that kind of statement refreshing, authentic, and empowering. No matter how she answers, you can rest assured that you’ve been very clear and can anticipate that she will be too!
Final thoughts: How to know if she wants a second date (and then ask if she does!)
Without advice that’s designed with introverted men like you in mind, you can easily get lost in the shuffle of suggestions that were designed for extroverts. Today, we covered the best way to figure out if she wants a second date along with exactly how to ask!
Your Next Steps
Here’s what to do next to make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving:
- For more advice about securing a second date, you’ll want to read How To Keep Her Interested And Wanting A Second Date.
- Download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build these dating skills on a foundation of confidence!
- For more personalized support, consider our Become A Benevolent Badass program.
Becoming more empathetic, authentic, humble, and confident doesn’t mean changing who you are. Bringing out your best simply means becoming the best and truest version of yourself.
Consider Become A Benevolent Badass. Through our in-depth, personalized 1:1 coaching program, you will…
- Find your inner true north and deepest sense of self,
- Become your relaxed and playful best around others, and
- Rise up as an intentional social leader.