Are you getting in your own way? Here’s how to get over your fear!
The truth is that there are many women who are interested in exactly what you have to offer… and yet, so many introverted men just like you struggle, wondering how to get over your fear when you consider putting yourself out there in the dating world.
Do you ever feel like this Introverted Alpha reader? We’ll call him Blake:
“I want to be comfortable with who I am and not try to be someone else, and I think that’s always my big struggle: having this incorrect assumption that women want certain things from a guy.
I always tried to do what very extroverted, outgoing guys would do to try to impress women, and that just didn’t feel authentic to me.”
Does this resonate with you?
Although working through your fears can feel a bit difficult when it comes to dating as an introvert, the good news is that you can absolutely achieve success in this area of your life!
Today, we’re going to share five helpful tips to help you become a dating champ.
With some practice and dedication, you can meet and connect with women, all while staying true to your inner introverted nature.
The #1 growth area you need to prioritize to conquer your fears
When you feel small and everything feels like a threat, you may find that it seems difficult to move through your fears.
Now, let’s dive in!
Before going out on a date, take some time to get yourself mentally and emotionally ready.
- What are you looking for?
- How will you know whether or not the date was successful?
- What red flags will you refuse to ignore this time?
If you’re wondering how to get over your fears related to dating, it’s probably no secret to you that one of the biggest fears people have is to end up alone.
Because of this fear, they may be more inclined to…
- settle for less than they deserve,
- stay in toxic relationships for way too long, and
- miss out on higher quality connections because their standards were too low.
Before you go on a date, take a few deep breaths and focus on what you absolutely refuse to compromise your standards on.
If she doesn’t meet those standards, the good news is that you can still enjoy your time getting to know her and practicing your conversation skills. You’ll simply want to be clear when you part ways that you appreciate your time together and wish her the best in her future endeavors.
This is how you respectfully keep your standards high, expect the best, and refuse to settle!
2. Stay Positive
Feeling overwhelmed with fear and anxiety is totally normal. The key is to learn how to navigate beyond those feelings so you can move forward.
When you feel those thoughts rushing in, instead, focus on the positive aspects of each opportunity.
Getting to know someone new can hold so much potential for something special. Pay attention to the moments that surprise you, make you smile, and cause you to feel excited to connect again!
A date doesn’t have to be perfect for there to be incredible potential for a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
3. Know Yourself
Take the time to get to know yourself and your values.
When you know exactly what you’re looking for in a woman, you change your perspective from…
- Will she like me or not? Does she think I’m just a friend? Would she say yes to a second date? If this one doesn’t work out, will I end up alone?
- Does she align with my values? Does she fit in the vision I have for my life? Would the people who love me and know me best think she’s a good fit for me? Is this a person I can trust?
When you’re talking to someone new, changing your thought patterns can alter your whole experience (in the best way!).
Imagine yourself on a first date thinking the thoughts listed with #1. You probably feel uncomfortable, stressed, and self-conscious.
Now imagine yourself on a first date thinking the thoughts listed with #2. You probably feel confident, curious, hopeful, and peaceful!
4. Go Slow
Despite all of the outside pressure you may feel from expectations impacted by movies, social media, and television shows, remember that you absolutely DO NOT have to rush into a serious relationship before you are fully ready.
Take your time! Enjoy getting to know someone, and don’t be afraid to set those expectations early.
For example, if you want to save intimacy for marriage, or at least until you’ve developed a deep, trusting bond in the context of an official relationship, you can let her know that.
Or, perhaps she’s asked some really personal questions early on. If you don’t feel comfortable answering those quite yet, you can tell her that you’re enjoying getting to know her, and that sometimes you prefer to wait a little longer to open up about your personal life since you’re an introvert.
If she responds with judgment or frustration, that’s okay! That’s her letting you know that you two won’t be a good fit. You can empathize with her reaction, and you can also choose to end the date tactfully and go your separate ways.
On the other hand, if she responds with understanding and respect (even if she doesn’t feel the same way as you), you may have found a woman who’s a real gem. :)
5. Celebrate Wins
Every bit of progress is worth recognizing and honoring!
Even if you’re simply exchanging a few words, celebrate each success. This will help you feel more confident and motivated to take the next step.
Think about the situation this way:
- You can’t be in a successful relationship without building trust over time.
- You can’t build trust over time without going on a series of dates where she feels safe and happy with you.
- She won’t ever get the chance to feel safe or happy with you if you never ask her on a date.
- You’ll never get to go on a date with her if you don’t reach out to her on that dating app or go introduce yourself at the bookstore.
- You won’t have the courage to create that initial connection if you don’t first build your confidence.
Do you see how your dating process naturally builds on itself? All of this comes down to your foundation of confidence.
Final thoughts: How to get over your fears about dating
Now that you know five tips to help you if you’re wondering how to get over your fear when it comes to dating , you’ll be able to identify what’s getting in your way and work to remove those obstacles!
Your Next Steps
To make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving, don’t miss out on the personalized support you’ll get from our program called The Quiet Hero.
Instead of letting anxiety or shyness limit your future joy, meaning, and connection, enrolling in our self-study program will give you…
- 3 main manifestations of anxiety that introverted men experience,
- Analysis of what causes different kinds of anxiety so you can know yourself better,
- 5 clear keys to calm a racing mind, perfectionism, and overthinking,
- 10 powerful ways to overcome anxiety (both short-term and long-term solutions),
- And so much more!