How to Attract a Confident, Intelligent Girlfriend

“I know what I want in a partner,” you might say. “How do I attract someone like that?”

Consider your dream woman:

Is she…

  • Calm and self-assured?
  • Strong and capable?
  • Smart as a whip and comfortable in her own skin?

If your goal is to attract a confident, intelligent girlfriend, today’s post is for you.

We’ll be covering how to…

  • Turn inward first to learn how to be the partner you would like to attract,
  • Show those positive traits off in a way that is attractive to women, and
  • Keep the bar set high, so you know when you have found the right match.

Before we jump into these steps, however, let’s take a step back.


Why is it okay to strive to attract a confident, intelligent girlfriend?

So many introverted men fall into the following trap:

They think,

“I have so much trouble attracting a girlfriend at all. Should I settle for any woman who shows interest in me?”

If you have caught yourself thinking something similar in the past, pause for a moment.

What would you tell your best friend if he told you he wasn’t good enough to meet and keep a great girlfriend?

First, you’d probably tell him that of course he is; he just needs to make a few tweaks to what he’s doing. You’d probably intuitively understand that his lack of confidence might be what is holding him back.

Second, if he has any other challenges you’ve noticed, you might point out a few things he could do to improve his odds of dating success.

Happily, you’ve just answered your own question…

…Because that’s precisely what you can do for yourself in this scenario!

For many introverted men, a lack of confidence lies at the root of dating difficulties. If you had a resource that would help you boost your confidence by figuring out what is awesome about yourself and ways you can showcase that, wouldn’t you take it? Thankfully, this is exactly what you’ll find in our free ebook!

Now, let’s figure out how you can put this advice into action.


Be the partner you want to attract.

In order to find and keep a great partner, you must first be a great partner.

This may sound simple at first, but let’s dive deeper.

So many people jump into dating and get frustrated when their partners aren’t exactly who they were hoping for. But the thing is, relationships take two people to succeed or fail.

Sometimes addressing challenges within yourself helps you “level up” to the next tier of dating success.

Let’s take an analogy as an example.

Have you ever come across the type of guy who refuses to date any woman unless she has a perfect figure, but he makes no effort to hit the gym and improve his own physique?

This is a recipe to end up frustrated and either alone unnecessarily or, much worse, with the wrong partner.

If he instead aligns his actions with those of the women he wants to attract (attending to his health and fitness), he is much more likely to find what he is looking for.

We used that analogy because physical characteristics are easy to see on the surface, so you have probably witnessed this scenario a few times before.

Conveniently, traits like confidence and intelligence work exactly the same way.

After all, how can you expect your future partner to meet your high standards unless you first choose to meet them yourself? If you want something awesome, you have to work for it!

In the same way that physical attractiveness is a match for physically attractive partners, confidence and intelligence are a match for confident, intelligent partners.

The great news is that you can directly affect your confidence and brainpower.


By putting real time and effort into becoming your unique best. (Get our ebook to do just that! It’s free, our gift to you.)


What are some active steps you can take to improve your confidence and intelligence over time?

When it comes to mental health and physical health, everything is tied together. Starting to improve one area of your life produces a snowball effect where everything else then gets a little easier.

Concrete steps that are 100% within your control and will work to improve your whole outlook include…

  • Exercising,
  • Eating healthy foods,
  • Getting enough sleep,
  • Reading books, watching documentaries, or otherwise studying topics that interest you,
  • Learning new skills and practicing talents, or even
  • Making more money by pursuing a better job or exploring lucrative side hobbies.

When you really get into one (or hopefully several!) of these things, the positive effects will ripple outward and affect the rest of them.


Display your positive qualities in a healthy and classy way.

You can’t expect women to read your mind and understand how awesome you are unless you show them.

Just as a corporation advertises its products’ usefulness and convenience, you can advertise the things about yourself that make you a fantastic potential boyfriend.

When it comes to displaying your confidence and intelligence, however, subtlety is often more powerful than the “blazing neon sign” approach.

Women find calm confidence and self-assurance irresistible! A man who can understand a situation, read the room, and react appropriately is super attractive.

True confidence can be quiet. False confidence is brash.

Think about the guys who always try just a little too hard to stand out in groups. Maybe they always need to have the best story, or tell a slightly funnier joke, or speak more loudly than everyone else.

What they don’t realize in the moment is…

Often, people do this when they feel like they have something to prove.

When you are truly confident in yourself, however, you don’t have to constantly prove it to yourself or anyone else. You can calmly take charge of situations, handle them with class and dignity, and know that you will be able to face whatever comes next.

Talk about attractive!

So, next time you’re in a situation and you feel the tendrils of self-doubt creeping in, straighten up your shoulders and take a deep breath. You’ve got this.


Keep your standards high.

Well… realistically high.

Nobody is perfect.

This is not about being high-maintenance and picky; it’s simply about knowing what you want in a partner and what you don’t want, and then sticking to your principles.

If you are the type who often feels tempted to settle for a “decent” fit when you know deep down you want to find a “great” one, it might be time to raise the bar.

Think this through logically:

In order to find the right woman for a healthy and awesome long term relationship, you will likely have to filter through a few women who aren’t quite right for you. That’s okay!

A lot of men make the mistake of settling because they don’t believe they can find someone who would be a better match. However, remember what we talked about in Step 1:


Develop the qualities in yourself that you want to attract in a partner.

If you are trying to attract a confident, intelligent girlfriend, consider this:

Wouldn’t it be applying confidence and intelligence to politely refuse a relationship that is merely okay, when you know it isn’t the right one for you long-term? Indeed!

The intelligent approach is understanding when something isn’t right for you. The confidence part comes into play when you trust that you can walk away and find something better, without the fear of being single again for a while.

And, just like your good habits from Step 1 ripple out to improve other areas of your life, this too is a continuous cycle.

Sticking to your guns and having the self-esteem to hold out for the right match attracts confident and intelligent women, which in turn helps boost your confidence.

It’s an upward spiral!

If you’re currently starting from a place of not feeling intelligent about some things and not particularly confident in yourself, it’s time to shift things.

Here are a few tips to “reset” and get yourself back on track:


Conclusion on how to attract a confident, intelligent girlfriend:

Woman - How to Attract a Confident Intelligent GirlfriendNow that you have several concrete steps you can take, you can now see how leveling up your dating life is entirely within your personal control.

Let’s recap today’s important steps:

  • Putting yourself on equal footing with the women you are trying to attract,
  • Learning how to show off your great qualities without going overboard, and
  • Understanding that sometimes you have to close a door in order to open a potentially better one.

As you have probably picked up on by now, your confidence and sense of self is at the center of your overall dating success. To dive in deeper and get more great, actionable tips, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”

And, when you’re ready to unlock your full potential, consider talking with us about our customized Launch Your Dating Life program. For a personal, one-on-one phone call, apply here so that together we can decide if this is the right next step for you.

Kelly from IA
Kelly from IA
Kelly is resident writer here at Introverted Alpha, which is known as the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of our 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

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