Eye Contact If Flirting: Tips & Techniques for Shy Men

How does eye contact influence flirting and attraction?

Have you ever wondered how improving your eye contact could also help your flirting skills? If so, making eye contact if flirting is exactly what we’re going to cover today!

Many introverted men find it challenging to get started on improving their flirting skills. If that resonates with you, that is totally normal.

Happily, eye contact is one of the simplest and most powerful places to start!

For example, take this quote from one of our IA readers…

“I think my biggest internal result came from seeing progress and good things happening from actions I’m taking. Small actions add up, like making eye contact and smiling.”

Many introverted men worry that if they struggle with making and holding eye contact, they won’t be able to flirt successfully. After reading this post, you’ll know exactly how you can attract and connect with women by improving your use of eye contact.

Today, we’re going to cover key aspects of eye contact if flirting, including…

  • Compelling science behind eye contact,
  • Duration and frequency of eye contact, and
  • Context of eye contact.

By the end of this post, you will be much more comfortable with using eye contact if flirting. 


Why eye contact if flirting is so important in the first place

When you can make eye contact appropriately and confidently, you’ll naturally start experiencing better results as you flirt with women!

The most important thing you can do to make sure these flirting tips and techniques will work for you is to improve your confidence, which naturally happens as you work through this powerful, free ebook.

Improving your eye contact will only serve your dating life well if it’s built on a foundation of knowing how and why you are uniquely attractive.

In order to learn how you can benefit from improved eye contact and flirting while still honoring your unique strengths and traits as an introverted man, download your ebook now and complete the exercise after you finish reading this post!

Now, let’s dive in! 


Explore the science behind eye contact.

A recent article from BBC unpacked the science behind the power of eye contact. Here are some of the interesting conclusions they cited.

Scientific research shows us how eye contact…

  • Grabs and holds our attention by creating a sort of tunnel vision that makes our environments seem to fade away,
  • Increases our awareness of the other, especially their personal agency, mind, and perspective,
  • Makes us more conscious of ourselves and puts our brains in a state of social alertness,
  • Shapes our perception of the person meeting our gaze (we find people who make more eye contact to be more intelligent, conscientious, trustworthy, and sincere),
  • Convinces us that others are more similar to us in terms of their personality and appearance, and
  • Creates a phenomenon called “pupil mimicry,” which makes your pupils dilate and shrink in sync with the other person’s.

Now that you know how scientifically powerful eye contact is, let’s uncover helpful tips for when you find yourself making eye contact if flirting.


Consider the frequency and duration of your eye contact.

Two of the most common questions when it comes to eye contact when you’re flirting are, “How long should I hold eye contact for?” and, “How often should I make or break eye contact?”

These questions are so popular because on one hand, you don’t want to come off as (1) disinterested by not making eye contact often enough and/or (2) appear preoccupied by not holding eye contact long enough.

On the other hand, you don’t want to come off as too intense by holding eye contact for an uncomfortably long period or by never looking away.

According to psychologists, the most popular preferred length of eye contact is around 3 seconds long, up to 9 seconds on the longer end.

It is completely natural for people to look away briefly during the course of the conversation. We’ll cover more on that in the next section!


Take into account the context of your eye contact if flirting

The thing about any dating advice, especially when it comes to eye contact and flirting, is that it needs to be adaptable to different types of situations.

With dating, it’s a good idea to be wary of any “one size fits all” approach that doesn’t account for complex interactions. (That’s why we’ve customized our programs to fit you individually… more on that in a bit!)

A large part of effective eye contact involves paying attention to and honoring social cues from the woman you’re getting to know.

For example, if she seems fidgety or uncomfortable, you may be maintaining eye contact too long. If your eyes start to feel dry because you haven’t blinked or looked around enough, that’s another good sign that you could break eye contact more frequently.

On the other hand, if she shows skepticism of your focus or interest in the conversation, perhaps by mentioning you seem distracted or by raising her eyebrows, these are good indicators that it’s time to increase your eye contact.

Other times, it can be a bit challenging to discern whether you’re making enough or too much eye contact. It’s like Goldilocks: you want to find the amount that’s just right! 

If that’s the case, keep these helpful reminders in mind…

1. It’s natural to look away during the course of conversation. This is especially true if you’re talking about something in-depth or referring to something or someone nearby. It’s also natural to make subtle observations about the woman you’re with or the environment around the two of you.

2. Your level of eye contact should match the level of intimacy of the conversation. If the content of the conversation is light-hearted, short bursts of frequent eye contact are likely suitable. If the conversation takes a more serious and/or intimate turn, it’s appropriate to connect more deeply with more sustained eye contact.

3. Most importantly, remember that it’s more about connection, empathy, and interest than it is about punching in a timestamp for eye contact. The purpose of eye contact isn’t to check an item off a list; it’s to form a human connection, so inherently, it won’t be perfect.

If thinking about making eye contact while flirting is creating more anxiety than comfort in your dating life, it’s time to remember what truly matters and why you’re working on eye contact in the first place: opening possibilities for genuinely deeper connection!

Rather than starting to feel overwhelmed with the possibility of making mistakes, reframe your perspective about this opportunity. Remember that honing a skill, especially a social skill, takes time, intentionality, and effort.

Every situation is a learning opportunity, including practicing eye contact with the grocery store clerk and people passing you on the street.

We’ve now considered the role of eye contact in different flirting and dating situations, so let’s review what you’ve learned and explore your next steps!


Final thoughts on eye contact if flirting

Woman and Man Looking at Each Other - Eye Contact If FlirtingNow that you know how excellent eye contact can improve your ability to connect with women in a meaningful way, you’ll be able to develop a deeper, more natural vibe between you. This is wonderful news! 

 Let’s review what we went over today: 

  • The science supporting the importance of eye contact,
  • Suggested frequency and duration of eye contact, and
  • The role of context when it comes to eye contact if flirting.

For more information on this subject, check out how to make eye contact without being creepy and how to flirt.

What about your next steps to making sure you’re on the right track?

If you haven’t already, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work For Introverts And What Works Instead.” 

That’s where you can grow in confidence as you learn what makes you uniquely attractive, which ties into why it’s worth maintaining eye contact with you in the first place! Get your ebook here.

For more comprehensive and customized support, consider our flagship program, Launch Your Dating Life.

If you’re ready to feel sexually attractive, connect with great women, get numbers, and go on dates, this is the program for you!

Through 12 weeks of in-depth training modules, weekly full-hour 1:1 coaching sessions with your own dedicated IA coach, unlimited email support, and personal, detail-oriented, helpful feedback on your style, your dating life will improve drastically.

Go here to talk with us in a 1:1 phone call. We’ll help you determine if this program is the right one for you! 


Micayla from IA
Micayla from IA
Micayla is resident writer here at Introverted Alpha, which is known as the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of our 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts with Finding Your Own Vibe.

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Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts With Finding Your Own Vibe.

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