“I need to boost my confidence at parties. How can I feel more comfortable quickly?”
How many parties have you gone to and spent most of the time wondering why you went?
How many parties have you decided not to even bother attending?
If you’re like many introverted men who want to become more social, the number is probably higher than you’d like.
That’s why today’s post focuses on boosting your confidence at parties so you can turn those challenging experiences into satisfying ones.
As you read this post, you’re going to notice a theme: come prepared.
Most of the great confidence-boosting things you have control over happen before you ever even set foot into the party.
We’ll talk about…
- dressing well, grooming neatly, and feeling good about your appearance,
- preparing some icebreakers and conversation starters,
- making a mental list of reasons you’re awesome and why people will want to get to know you,
- remembering that introverts innately have skills that will help you forge deep connections with the right people, and
- starting small and working your way up from there!
But before we jump in, let’s take a quick step back:
Why is your confidence at parties such a big deal?
The next time you accept an invitation and find yourself at a social gathering, ask yourself:
Why did you come to the party in the first place? Because you really enjoy standing quietly against the wall, sipping a drink by yourself?
Learning how to access your reserves of self confidence at parties will help you step away from the wall and toward that beautiful woman you’d really like to talk to.
Not to mention, boosting your confidence at parties will lead to positive feelings and experiences, which increases the likelihood that you’ll keep accepting invitations instead of dodging them.
It’s the first step in a positive cycle that leads to a happier and healthier social life.
Now let’s get started.
1. Take good care of your appearance.
Make a checklist of hygiene or appearance-related things you can do before stepping out the door.
You might want to…
- trim your hair (and facial/neck hair),
- cut and clean under your nails,
- brush and floss your teeth,
- pick out fresh, clean clothes,
- choose a nice pair of shoes,
- use your favorite deodorant scent, and
- spritz on some cologne, if that’s your style.
Yes, these are mostly common sense things to do before a party, but you’d be surprised how much mindfully completing all of these tasks will stick with you.
You can of course substitute whatever you’d like to fit your own sense of style. If you prefer to press your clothes carefully instead of, say, putting product in your hair, do that.
The point is that you run through a complete list of things that make you feel attractive. If you know you have challenges with your confidence at parties, prepare your mind and body with a deliberate, mindful grooming routine.
Think of it as a ritual you’re performing to surround yourself with positive, attractive vibes.
In fact, if it doesn’t sound too silly, you can imagine every one of these tasks building up a protective shield of confidence that, when complete, will help you navigate the social environment and hold your head high.
2. Prepare some conversation starters.
Introverted men like you often fall under the impression that they have nothing interesting to say. This happens when social anxiety causes your mind to go blank in the moment.
Happily, you’re probably the furthest thing from boring!
All you need is some preparation.
Before you go to a party, come up with a short list of cool topics or interesting, thought-provoking questions you can weave into conversations. Try to plan out two or three topics you can fall back on if you need to.
Knowing you can avoid awkward silences (and keep your audience engaged in the conversation) goes a long way toward improving your confidence at parties where you’re likely to be talking to many people.
Need a hint? Check out “Conversation Starters for Talking to an Attractive Woman.”
3. While you’re making lists… Remember why you’re awesome.
What do you get when you combine a high level of introversion with a low level of confidence at parties?
Often, what you get is an overwhelming feeling like you have nothing to bring to the table. You might feel awkward, boring, or any other negative associations your brain can conjure.
Happily, with some preparation beforehand (noticing a theme here?), those worries couldn’t be more wrong!
Believe it or not, introverts have many extremely attractive qualities that make people excited to uncover the hidden layers and mysteries.
Make a mental list, or even write down several reasons you’re awesome (for some ideas to get you started, check out this post: “Why & How Introverted Men Are So Damn Attractive”) and keep it tucked away for when you really need a boost to propel you out of your shell.
4. Plan to take advantage of your introvert superpowers.
Like Liam Neeson, you have a very particular set of skills.
Think about it for a second:
Has anyone ever told you that you are…
- an amazing listener?
- a comforting shoulder to cry on?
- intensely passionate about sharing and explaining your hobbies?
- surprisingly deep and thoughtful?
- unbelievably intelligent and logical?
- mysterious and intriguing?
- loyal and dedicated?
These are traits that introverts tend to have in abundance.
Your own special set of “introvert skills” will vary based on your personality, of course. But if you know what your personal strengths are and you understand how to use them when getting to know others, your confidence at parties will skyrocket!
5. Start small!
Imagine yourself walking into a party.
You mingle and greet the hosts, making small talk like a pro.
After a few minutes, you identify an attractive woman you’d like to talk to. You smile at her, relax your shoulders back, and approach her, remembering that list of awesome qualities that make you attractive.
You took the time to make yourself look and smell good down to the last detail before you left the house, and let’s just say you’re feeling it.
She must be, too, because she smiles immediately as you walk up to her and introduce yourself.
Once you get the conversational ball rolling (riffing off one of your prepared conversation starters, of course), you artfully use your intensity and listening skills to make her feel like the only woman in the room.
She’s clearly flirting back, so you decide to build some physical chemistry by brushing a stray tendril of hair off of her cheek.
… And now return to reality.
That scenario is your goal. But no one ever hopped up off the couch and qualified for the Olympics. So we’re going to start small!
Pick the least intimidating thing you can do (say, catching a woman’s eye and smiling at her from across the room) and do that.
Then congratulate yourself!
Doing even one of those things is far better than doing none of them.
When the earth doesn’t open up and swallow you whole and the world doesn’t end and nothing bad happens at all (maybe she even smiles back at you!), you’ll feel more comfortable and confident.
Perhaps even confident enough to go say hi. ;)
Conclusion on how to tap into your confidence at parties:
We get it. Parties aren’t generally part of an introvert’s natural habitat.
When you really need to access your inner confidence and connect with others in a social space, you can use the tips we talked about today:
- taking care of your appearance because when you look good, you feel good,
- prepping some conversation starters in case you come across the woman of your dreams,
- identifying and remembering things that make you attractive,
- using your introvert skills to stand out from the crowd, and
- taking small steps to get yourself used to challenging your comfort zone.
Our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead,” is another great resource if you’re looking for ways to embrace your unique qualities and improve your self-confidence.
Sometimes life doesn’t fit into an online article or an ebook. When you need personalized help with a situation, consider joining our Launch Your Dating Life program. You can apply here for a 1:1 phone call so we can see if the program would be a good fit for you!