“How do I attract an extroverted woman as an introverted guy?”
Opposites attract, right?
Sure, introvert/introvert and extrovert/extrovert relationships are great, but there’s just something about those extroverted/introverted relationships that bring out the best in both of you.
So if you’re an INTP, INFP, INTJ, or INFJ guy daydreaming about life with a beautiful ENFP and wondering how to attract an extroverted woman, you’re in luck. Today’s post is for you!
We’ll cover 5 things you can do, understand, or embrace about yourself in order to attract an extroverted woman:
- Deciding which qualities about you as an introvert can help you attract an extroverted woman,
- Figuring out how to use online dating to find an extroverted match,
- Using the “right place at the right time” strategy to attract an extroverted woman in the real world,
- Keeping her interest with the elements of mystery and surprise, and
- Meeting her halfway with compromises so you can build a complementary partnership.
Before we jump in, however, let’s explore one important concept you’ll need to grasp in order to use these tips successfully.
Personal growth is uncomfortable.
Often, introverts define themselves as extreme introverts because they’re all about the “comfort zone.”
You’re staying comfortable when you shy away from asking out the cute barista you’ve had your eye on for six months.
You’re staying comfortable when you decide to bail on your friends’ party last minute because going would be putting yourself out there..
And you’re staying way more comfortable when you sit in your living room and play video games in your pajamas rather than getting dressed up, going to a bar, and striking up a conversation with an attractive woman sitting by herself.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with any of those things! In fact, the last one sounds like a pretty great time.
But you’re reading this post because you want to attract an extroverted woman, and the things you’re doing inside the bubble of your comfort zone haven’t exactly brought you success.
In order to make progress, you’ll need to push your own boundaries and place yourself in situations that might be a bit uncomfortable until you get used to them.
Just remember: it’s okay to take things slowly! As long as you’re making progress, that’s what counts.
Ready to find out what’s awesome about you and then use those things to meet equally awesome women?
Let’s get to it!
1. Understand what makes an introvert more likely to attract an extroverted woman.
Introverts and extroverts often show passion, excitement, and feelings of connection very differently than each other.
These differences are what tend to attract introverts to extroverts and vice versa. Reason being, the things you don’t naturally exemplify in your own life can feel exotic when you see someone else with those traits.
Imagine you’re a quiet, shy guy looking for an ENFP woman; you already know you would love her warmth, energy, personability, her ease at meeting and empathizing with others, and her neverending zest for making the world a better place.
Perhaps these are qualities you wish you embodied more yourself. Humans tend to be drawn to partners who “fill in the gaps” that are missing from their lives.
So ask yourself, what would she be attracted to about you? What qualities do you bring to the table that she might feel have been lacking in her life?
You’re an individual person, so of course your answer to this question will be unique.
But for the most part, extroverts find themselves powerfully drawn to introverts who can offer…
- Commitment. Extroverts who date other extroverts sometimes feel discouraged when it seems like their partners are more interested in dating around than settling down. As an introvert, you’re much more likely to date one woman at a time.
- Intensity. If your ENFP woman spends 20% of her energy at each of five weekly social gatherings (for example), she’s likely used to conversations that center around small talk and daily occurrences. When you come along and give her your 100% undivided attention because your date with her is what you’ve been most looking forward to this week, she’ll feel like the center of the universe.
- Listening skills. Introverts are often fantastic listeners. Again, your attention in this area will likely make her feel valued and important. This is so attractive to extroverts who want to feel heard and appreciated!
Once you realize how rare, refreshing, and wonderful your introverted traits are to someone who may not be used to socializing with men like you, you’re ready to put your best foot forward on dates.
How do you get those dates?
2. Get started with online dating.
Online dating is one of the best things to happen to introverts since… ever.
Dating apps like OKCupid or Bumble simultaneously widen your chances of meeting someone (by exposing you to hundreds or even thousands of women you might never meet in real life) and narrow the pool to your best potential matches (by allowing you to search for the exact criteria you want).
Not to mention, it probably seems so much easier to sign up for online dating than to try your luck approaching women on the street.
If swiping and texting is your happy place when it comes to dating, you can absolutely start here to date an extrovert.
If you’re a quiet and thoughtful INTP guy and you come across a woman whose profile lists “bright and gregarious ENFP woman,” swipe right because you’ve already had the hard work done for you!
Hopefully, the two of you will hit it off and live happily ever after!
However, online dating needn’t be the only strategy we try on the journey to finding a happy relationship.
After all, we talked about personal growth, pushing boundaries, and getting out of the comfort zone bubble.
So after you’ve dabbled on dating sites for a while and you feel ready to jump into the deep end…
3. If you want to attract an extroverted woman, go where the extroverts are.
Bear with us for a second.
If you’re shuddering at the thought of completing this step because the only places that popped into your mind are bars, clubs, and parties, have no fear.
We totally get that you’re not going to suddenly flip a switch and fall in love with going to social gatherings. Introverts draw energy from quiet, quality time and one-on-one interactions with depth and meaning.
(If you find a club that can offer all of that, please email us because we need to know!)
Happily, there are other (better) options!
In order to meet someone, you need to be in the right place at the right time and in the right mindset.
So let’s explore this.
The right place is somewhere with people who are having fun. Where is your dream extroverted woman likely to be hanging out? (Tip: Make sure this is somewhere that you also enjoy!)
The right time to go there is when it’s probable that those people will be in a social mood. When does your dream extroverted woman most want to chat with an awesome guy like you?
And the right mindset is one where you’ll go and enjoy your time there as opposed to feeling like it’s something you have to do or should do. Where can you go that will hold your interest, regardless of whether you meet your next girlfriend there or not?
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- The local Renaissance Festival at the beginning of the day, when excitement and energy are highest.
- A comic convention on the last day, when the attendees might meet up afterward to talk about some of the fun things they all saw.
- A wine and cheese tasting put on by a local organic vineyard, when your perfect match might be wandering around seeing all the couples there together and yearning to make a connection like that too.
- The classic car meet you’ve been meaning to visit every year but never seem to get around to it. The perfect time is now.
You get the idea!
As a bonus…
Even if you don’t meet a woman at the first event you attend (or the second, or the third…), you’ll have fun and accumulate tons of cool stories about all your adventures that you can share when you do meet someone.
Better yet, you’ll already know which local events you enjoy, so you can come up with excellent date ideas on the fly!
But let’s say you did meet a lovely extroverted woman at one of these events. How do you keep her feeling attracted and interested in you beyond this initial meeting?
4. Use your introvert powers of mystery and surprise to your advantage.
Introverts rarely lay everything out on the table right off the bat.
You probably naturally keep some things to yourself and unfold these layers slowly as you get to know someone.
To an extrovert used to hanging out with other “talkers,” your air of mystery can be so intriguing!
In order to learn who you really are, she must venture deeper than the small talk she might be used to with other extroverts. Diving into the depths with you can be an exciting and intense experience for her.
She also may find it enjoyable that she has to put in a little effort (but not too much!) to unwrap all the layers of your personality.
You can make this process even more fun by strategically dropping surprising anecdotes into the mix and letting her ask to hear more details.
It’s way more impactful to subtly drop a clue like…
“Oh yes, I saw similar things when I lived in Singapore.”
… rather than to start off a conversation listing the places you’ve been in your life.
Feel free to have fun with this one!
It can be a subtle balance; as with all things, the key is to practice until you find the balance that works for you.
Okay, now let’s say you’ve piqued her interest and the two of you are now officially “dating.” What’s next?
5. Make the effort to meet her halfway.
She’s interested in you because of who you are as an individual. But now it’s time to show her who you can be in the context of a relationship.
Yes, you have several great “introvert” qualities that can help you attract an extroverted woman. However, no one ever has 100% of their stuff figured out!
In order to access that magical synergy where your opposing forces combine to bring out the best in both of you, you both have to adopt a little bit of the other’s lifestyle.
Sure, you may not feel like going dancing with her tonight. It’s late, you’re tired, and that XBox controller looks mighty inviting.
But if she spent last Tuesday evening happily curled up on your couch doing the “quiet night in” with Netflix and takeout, maybe it’s your turn to hang out on her terms.
Keep in mind that constructive compromises are a foundational part of healthy relationships. In this case, budging yourself out of your comfort zone and into her social zone carries the added bonus of personal growth.
Next time, when she wants to go to a loud, packed concert, maybe you both can sneak out fifteen minutes early, beat the traffic, and spend time having the intimate dinner you were hoping for all along.
This “meeting halfway” skill is an extremely important one for both of you to develop.
If you can master the art, your relationship will gently challenge both of your comfort zones. This will help you both grow together and as more well-rounded individuals.
Conclusion on how to attract an extroverted woman naturally:
You can expand and practice any of the above steps on their own or all together. The key is that you are expanding your horizons and practicing those things that don’t necessarily come naturally to you.
So, let’s recap.
The 5 ways you, as an introverted man, can attract an extroverted woman are…
- Recognize the things that extroverts love about introverts,
- Use the simplicity of online dating to get you started,
- Meet extroverts on their own turf when you feel ready,
- Hook her interest with your enigmatic introvert tendencies, and
- Compromise in healthy ways so you both grow as individuals and as a couple.
For even more ways to boost your dating life to the next level, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
Guides like this are a great starting point, but sometimes you need customized help. If you have a specific situation you’d like help with, consider joining our personalized Launch Your Dating Life program. You can apply here to talk to us in a 1:1 phone call, and together we can see if the program is right for you.