What are some helpful dating tips for INFP guys?
You’re compassionate. Focused. Filled with integrity and leadership potential.
You see things the way they should be, and you know how to make that outcome happen.
In short, there’s a lot to love about INFP men! :)
Even still, dating is not always a breeze.
So, how can you improve your dating life and overcome the challenges your Meyers Briggs personality type commonly experiences? How can you channel your stellar INFP-style self-improvement efforts to succeed at dating too?
That’s exactly what we’re going to cover today.
In this post, we’ll discuss how to…
- identify how to make your idealistic nature work for and not against your dating life,
- accept that some imperfections are normal, acceptable, and even healthy, and
- find a compatible relationship partner whose personality type works beautifully with yours.
Additionally, by the end of this post, you’ll be able to recognize (and manage!) the one characteristic of INFPs that often causes the most conflict in your relationships.
Let’s begin by talking about what makes INFPs awesome and unique to begin with.
What makes INFPs tick?
The INFP acronym itself stands for:
This means you thrive in an environment where you can have ample time alone with your thoughts (introversion). You also have a very developed sense of the world and how things and people relate to one another (intuition).
When it comes to making decisions, you’re more likely to choose based on your feelings rather than logic alone.
Also, your perceiving characteristic means that you like to adapt and keep things free and open. The thought of nailing down plans and setting them in stone probably makes you feel more uneasy than comforted.
Assemble all of those separate concepts into human form, and what do you get?
A values-driven individual.
In fact, INFPs are all about values, often wondering things like…
“What’s the meaning of life?”
“How can I bring value and purpose to the world?”
“How can I make the world a better place for others?”
Now, let’s jump into improving your dating life.
First, remember that you are an idealist at heart.
In a way, this is great. It means you see the potential in everything and everyone, and you optimistically aim for those high standards.
In relationships, however, be aware that when you idealize a woman, you fall into the trap of putting her on a pedestal. In your eyes, this woman is perfect. For a while, she can do no wrong. She is everything you’ve ever wanted, and more.
But then one day reality sets in.
She does something that reminds you she is human like the rest of us!
Suddenly, you begin thinking that maybe the two of you aren’t compatible after all. Surely, if you kept looking around and dating other women, you’d find the one who really is perfect for you. Right?
Here’s where idealization can get you into trouble.
No one is perfect! Logically, you understand this. Your idealist nature, however, has you emotionally convinced that you can always find something better if you keep trying.
It’s the ultimate “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence” experience.
We all know how that story ends.
When you put a woman (whether she’s a first date or a long-term partner) on a pedestal, you become infatuated and unfairly expect perfection from her. It probably isn’t a conscious decision for you; you’re not sitting there thinking she has to be perfect or you’re out.
But when she’s so elevated in your mind that you forget she is human, that inevitable crash back down to Earth as she topples off the pedestal someday will hurt both of you.
Now, what if you have the opposite tendency?
You might be thinking…
“That’s not me! I believe the grass is greenest where you water it. I would stay with a partner and work toward that ultimate ideal together.”
Again, on the surface, that’s great! It’s a wonderful thing to grow with someone as a couple and as individuals going in the same direction.
Still,, be aware that sometimes INFPs can tend to push a little too hard for growth from their partners.
At best, you both spark a desire in each other to work toward your goals in a healthy way. At worst, however, your constant drive for improvement can make it feel like you are constantly reminding her that she’s not good enough and needs to try harder.
This can be hurtful and exhausting.
So, if you want to successfully date when you’re an INFP man, recognize that your date (or girlfriend) currently has and always will have human flaws and imperfections.
And that’s okay!
It’s a gift to be able to work on self improvement together.
Just be mindful to be an encouraging support in her life and to enjoy her just as she is, today.
Next, take that rule and apply it to yourself.
As you date when you’re an INFP man, you may come to realize that you have trouble accepting criticism.
Just as you want to support your partner to be her best while enjoying how she is today, give yourself that same gift.
Even if you hold yourself to extremely high standards, give yourself grace when you’ve not necessarily achieved perfection.
This will help you receive supportive, constructive feedback from yourself and others with more ease and grace.
As with Step 1, the key to overcoming this challenge is to gently set your idealism aside for a moment.
Bumps along the road are okay. They’re normal, natural, expected, even healthy.
Knowing this helps you to take things in stride. Overcome your fear of criticism by changing your focus from the big picture of your entire life to the smaller, more detailed picture of your present situation.
Ask yourself: have you achieved your ultimate life goals?
Likely not! Reason being, that journey will probably never be truly finished. As an INFP, you will probably always dream of something bigger and better to reach for.
It’s liberating to realize that the big picture goal is impossible to meet in the present moment. By releasing yourself of the pressure of constant perfection, you create a more enjoyable place for yourself and any women in your life
Instead, reframe your focus to the smaller details. Think of milestones and accomplishments you have reached along your path so far:
- Maybe you recently got a raise at work.
- Perhaps you’ve improved your living situation by getting a nicer apartment.
- You may have been hitting the gym and making real progress toward some fitness goals.
- Maybe you have started seeing a woman and had several promising dates so far.
None of these things are at an endpoint, but they all count as real, measurable progress in your life.
When you give yourself credit for the smaller milestones, you will find it much easier to remember all the things you have accomplished recently.
In turn, that sense of accomplishment makes it much less scary to have it pointed out that you still need to work on something.
Recognizing your accomplishments along the overall path toward your goals takes you from a stark “success or failure” mindset to a healthier and more flexible frame of mind.
Instead of thinking…
“I haven’t reached my end goal yet, so I haven’t achieved anything,”
…you’ll be able to think…
“I have achieved lots of small milestones. I just need to keep working hard and I’ll get to the end point someday!”
Once you conquer your fear of criticism, accepting that there will be occasional conflict in your relationships becomes much less scary as well.
Though there may be things your partner sees as imperfections in you, and though there may be things about your relationship that aren’t perfect, you will be able to reframe these problems as challenges to work on and overcome.
Stay away from the big-picture “pedestal” mindset, and setbacks will feel more like minor bumps in the road along your much greater life path.
To successfully date when you’re an INFP man, focus on women with these compatible personality types.
You already have your emotional depth and compassion going for you. Putting your natural qualities to work for you in your dating life is often most effective if you find a similar partner.
Consider dating women of the following personality types for the best chance at a deep connection based on your similarities:
However, you don’t have to date a woman who is exactly like you in order to have a successful relationship. The following types are frequently good counterparts to INFPs despite some core differences that keep things interesting:
The remaining eight Meyers-Briggs types are less likely to spark that feeling of being on the same wavelength with your partner. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though!
Many people find that dating someone with a lot of opposing traits helps both partners meet in the middle and balance out the extremes of the other person.
For the best opportunity to meet a partner who will challenge you to develop underused sides of your personality, date someone with one of the following types:
- ESTJ (your polar opposite!)
You never know! If you meet an awesome ESTJ woman and start a relationship, the two of you might make the perfect pair when it comes to rounding each other out and achieving great personal growth.
That’s likely to make any INFP very happy. ;)
Conclusion on how to date when you’re an INFP man
Now that you know how to date when you’re an INFP man, you can go forward and keep working toward that classic INFP dream of making the world a better place.
Let’s recap today’s post.
- realizing that any woman you date will not be perfect (and that’s okay!),
- accepting that you aren’t perfect either,
- understanding that neither of those things really matter as long as you choose a relationship where both of you can grow together in a healthy and supportive way, and
- finding the kind of match you’re looking for by dating women with compatible personality types.
For more tips you can use to level up your dating skills, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
While the ebook is a fantastic resource, sometimes you just need personalized dating advice for your real life situation. In that case, consider joining our Launch Your Dating Life program. Talk with us in a private phone call (apply here), and we can see if the program is right for you.