What are the best dating tips for an INFJ man?
Sensitive, introverted, decisive INFJ men:
You already have a great start in the dating world. You’re intuitive, deep, caring, and generally pretty awesome at picking up on the feelings of others.
However, to successfully date when you’re an INFJ man, you still likely need to address a few challenges common to your type.
Happily, that’s what we’ll be working on today!
This post will cover…
- building bridges of healthy communication even when it feels difficult to open up,
- learning (or re-learning) to give your date the benefit of the doubt in tricky situations, and
- choosing relationship partners with personality types most likely to be compatible with yours.
Before we dive in, though, let’s talk about what sets you apart as an INFJ in the first place.
What are the characteristics of INFJs?
As you may or may not already know, Carl Jung developed the archetypes behind the modern Meyers-Briggs personality test from his experience in the field of psychology.
Interestingly, Carl Jung was himself an INFJ, along with other famously kind and caring people such as Gandhi.
The acronym INFJ stands for…
- Feeling, and
Your introversion means that you relate to the world in a very inward-turning sense. You thrive when you have downtime to yourself.
Using intuition, you navigate the world with a sharp and connected sense of things. You’re often right about the conclusions you come to, even if you can’t always put your finger on why you feel that way.
Feeling means that you use your heart to guide you in decision-making.
Rather than narrowing down options based purely on logic, as a thinking type would do, you tend to prefer feeling your way through situations and doing whatever seems right to you.
The judging trait means you are often decisive and action-oriented. You might act with conviction where other personality types would hesitate.
Now let’s get to the core of how to date as an INFJ man!
Keep the lines of communication open even when you feel the instinct to withdraw.
Often, INFJs are very private people who avoid conflict like the plague.
Though your emotional instincts are usually sharp and well-honed, when it comes to deep and meaningful relationships, those same instincts can sometimes steer you wrong.
Sometimes conflict in healthy relationships is necessary. The trick is to keep that conflict productive and helpful as opposed to destructive and combative.
When you feel the urge to retreat into your head and nurse your wounds (for example, after an argument or a perceived disagreement, even if it never even came to an exchange of harsh words), fight against that urge.
The urge to withdraw because something feels wrong is your bat-signal that communication needs to happen in this relationship.
Building the healthy habit of communicating openly and honestly can take some time and effort if you aren’t used to it. You might have to resist the temptation to run away from the conflict when it most needs to happen.
Instead of going quiet and insisting nothing is wrong, try one of these tactics that can make it a little easier for private INFJs to open up:
- Write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal. This will help you organize the feelings that are most important to you, so saying them out loud seems less scary.
- Choose the most important root of the issue to calmly bring up. Try not to dance around the problem by talking about peripheral things when there’s something in particular that’s really bothering you.
- Ask your partner for her thoughts and feelings first before offering your own. INFJs are frequently adept at empathizing. Doing it this way can give you a place to jump in and share your thoughts when it feels right.
Talking openly instead of withdrawing is perhaps one of the best steps INFJs can take to make the biggest difference in relationships and friendships alike.
Give others the benefit of the doubt.
This is another area where your INFJ super-intuition can hinder instead of help you out.
INFJs often know things without understanding exactly why or how they know them.
You might intuitively pick up on the fact that your date is distracted tonight, for example, without being able to point to a specific reason (such as your date glancing at her watch or tapping her foot anxiously) to make you feel that way.
While your intuition is usually awesome and incredibly useful, it isn’t infallible.
When you trust your instincts in all matters, you open yourself up to acting on hunches that may not actually be based in reality. And in the context of trying to date when you’re an INFJ man, that can prove challenging.
Let’s talk about an example scenario that tends to occur in relationships where one partner is hyper-intuitive and sensitive:
Our example INFJ man has had a few negative experiences that affected his trust.
It could have been something small, like a date saying she would call back the next day and then never doing it. Or maybe it was something big and painful, like a long-term partner betraying his trust by cheating.
Both of these things, though they vary in intensity by a wide margin, can leave lasting effects on the sensitive INFJ man.
As a result, in present and future relationships, the INFJ man has a leftover instinct to not trust a particular scenario.
He might not understand logically why it makes him uneasy when a first date seems to be on the fence but promises to call.
Or he may be embarrassed at how uncomfortable it makes him when a current partner hangs out with male coworkers on a Friday night, but he’s unable to articulate why he feels that way.
Logically, this current date or girlfriend has never done anything to warrant his suspicions.
But the ingrained sensitivity toward particular scenarios can feel a lot like instincts telling him to avoid trusting someone.
Left unchecked, that can too easily cause a rift due to the lack of trust.
To move forward and have a healthy relationship, our example man must learn to give a woman the benefit of the doubt unless or until she proves he shouldn’t.
Does this example sound familiar?
Even if a current scenario feels so much like a previous one that you can’t help but be alarmed, remember:
This partner is someone entirely different from the person who damaged your trust before. She deserves the benefit of the doubt!
When worries and insecurities masquerade as instincts (even though they really may not be rooted in reality at all) INFJs may have trouble distinguishing the difference.
Happily, you can practice returning to a place of trust. Actively remind yourself to take a step back from those instincts and apply logic to the situation.
If your current partner has never done anything to jeopardize your trust, that’s an amazing thing. Enjoy it, and give her the benefit of the doubt. Give her the gift of pleasantly surprising you.
To most successfully date when you’re an INFJ man, pick a partner with a compatible personality type.
One of the great things about INFJs is that they often yearn for deep, meaningful relationships instead of casual flings.
For the best chances at finding a wonderfully compatible partner, definitely swipe right on women of these types:
These types, including your own INFJ type, will feel most similar to you.
When both of you live from your hearts and navigate life with your intuition, that feeling of “vibing” or feeling in sync with your partner will likely come naturally!
You may also find a great match with a little added spice of variety with one of these types:
Or if you want to challenge yourself to grow, see if opposites really do attract with one of these remaining types:
Sometimes partners of the polar opposite type (for example, an INFJ paired with an ESTP) bring out the best in each other.
If you do find yourself in a relationship with an ESTP woman, embrace the opportunity for growth and learn from each other!
Since you will both have opposing strengths and weaknesses, you can learn to complement each other and pick up slack when the other person needs it.
Conclusion on how to date when you’re an INFJ man
Hopefully now you understand how to turn your innate INFJ intuition into a force for good in your dating life.
To sum it all up…
- Bridge any gaps in communication by talking openly about your feelings when you want to do the opposite and avoid conflict,
- Gently and step-by-step trust your partner instead of conflating her with past women, and
- Match with compatible personality types or challenge yourself with opposing types!
While you’re working toward those goals, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.” It’s packed with even more knowledge you can apply toward leveling up your dating skills.
If you find yourself in a situation you need one-on-one help with, consider applying here for a private phone call where we can decide together if our personalized Launch Your Dating Life program is right for you!