Sexual confidence for introverted men
What does it mean to be comfortable with your sexuality?
Many introverted men feel that sexuality, with the weight it holds individually and culturally, is a challenging thing to pin down or measure.
How do you describe your sexuality? How do you know if you’re “comfortable” with it or not? Why is it so hard to talk about it?
If you find yourself asking any of these questions, you’re in the right place!
Merriam-Webster defines comfortable as…
- enjoying contentment and security,
- feeling free from vexation or doubt, and
- experiencing a lack of stress or tension.
When it comes to sexuality, the definition becomes a bit more nuanced. It is…
- the capacity for sexual feelings,
- sexual activity,
- a person’s identity in relation to whom they are typically attracted, and
- expression of sexual receptivity or interest.
In short, becoming comfortable with your sexuality involves normalizing your desires and appreciating pleasure in a clean and clear way, without any thoughts or actions necessarily or unnecessarily inducing shame or guilt.
Today, we’re going to talk about why being comfortable with sexuality matters and how open communication, confident expression, and emotional resilience all factor into the picture.
We’ll also share a few helpful resources so that by the end of this post, you will confidently be able to answer the question, “What does it mean to be comfortable with your sexuality?”
Why is this so important in the first place?
When you build genuine confidence, you can fast-track your journey to feeling a sense of peace and comfort with your sexuality.
Now, let’s consider the different aspects of sexual confidence!
Some people struggle to talk openly about sexuality because it feels personal, awkward, or private. Understandably, many people also experience a sense of shame tied to this “taboo” topic, and they are left wondering about the answer to the question, “What does it mean to be comfortable with your sexuality?”
According to Rachel Keller, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, there are 5 ways shame can impact your sexual confidence.
Once you’ve confronted and conquered any shame surrounding your sexuality, you can venture into new territory: talking about sex and sexuality with curiosity, joy, and honesty!
Don’t worry; that doesn’t mean you have to start yelling about your sexual desires from the rooftops. Here are a few tips to help open communication about sexuality feel as comfortable as possible:
1. Find one or two people you trust and can talk about sexuality with.
Whether that’s a lifelong best friend, parent, counselor, or long-term partner, it’s important to be able to converse with at least one safe person about sexuality.
Remember to be respectful of the other person and to set boundaries that will help you feel at ease. This can be as simple as asking, “Hey, would you be up for talking about xyz sometime?” and asking that your conversation remains confidential.
2. Chat about sexuality when the timing is right.
If someone seems distracted or doesn’t have much time, it may be best to wait until you can have an unrushed conversation that feels safe and comfortable.
With such a personal, sensitive topic, both people will need time to share, process information, ask questions, and listen intently. This can be so beautiful when two people both prioritize it!
3. Pick a location where you won’t feel like you have to whisper.
Whether you end up feeling comfortable talking about your sexuality in a private or public space is completely up to you!
When selecting a location, consider the noise level, potential distractions, and any other hindrances like young listeners that could detract from a great conversation.
Remember that feeling comfortable with your sexuality starts with bravely bringing the topic into the light!
You don’t have to list personal confessions or ask a ton of questions unless you want to. Share at your own pace with someone you trust who has shown him or herself trustworthy over time.
If you aren’t sure where to start, you can keep it open-ended! For example, “What are your thoughts on xyz?”
You may be surprised at others’ relief that you bring the topic up! Many people wish they could speak more openly about sexuality and would be glad to participate in that conversation.
Sexuality is a natural, beautiful part of the human experience when it is truly safe, consensual, and respectful for everyone involved.
To protect all sexual expressions you’re a part of, when making even subtle flirtatious gestures like brushing her arm, moving a piece of hair out of her face, or gently touching her back, look for cues that she’s receptive (or reciprocal!) to your touch. If you want more tips, read this article about flirting body language!
So when it comes to physically expressing sexuality, what does it mean to be truly comfortable? Confidently embracing your sexuality or showing sexual desires can involve…
- Discovering and articulating what you enjoy,
- Listening to and respecting the needs of your partner,
- Setting and accepting clear boundaries, and
- Being non-judgmentally curious about what’s going on in your (and your partner’s) body.
Keep in mind that while people who make sexual jokes or talk about sex a lot are perceived as “sexually confident,” they are often talking about it that way because they don’t feel comfortable or secure about it.
When exploring the answer to the question, “What does it mean to be comfortable with your sexuality?”, you will find out that feeling truly confident and comfortable with sexuality isn’t forced or performative. Rather, you’ll find that building sexual confidence leaves you feeling much more peaceful, relaxed, and open!
Resilience Through Rejection
If you are communicating openly and confidently expressing your sexuality as we suggest above, it’s likely that you will encounter some amount of rejection along the way.
You may be thinking, “Wait! I don’t like rejection. Wouldn’t it be better if I didn’t try to become more comfortable with my sexuality?”
This is where your mindset and emotional resilience come into play.
With any deep relationship comes a certain amount of vulnerability; yet the capacity for benefits like love, joy, community, and acceptance FAR outweigh the natural risks of rejection, loss, or abandonment!
Keep in mind that sexual confidence is fluid (just like self-confidence!), so it’s totally normal for your level of comfort with your sexuality to fluctuate a bit with different experiences and conversations.
Happily, you can build a growth mindset while developing confidence that can withstand less-than-ideal interactions through the exercises in our ebook!
“What does it mean to be comfortable with your sexuality?” Final thoughts
Now that you know the answer to the question, “What does it mean to be comfortable with your sexuality?”, you’ll be able to embrace yourself more fully, honor the whole spectrum of your human experience, and start to create a safe space for others to express their sexuality as well!
Today, we went over:
- Engaging in open conversations about sexuality,
- Expressing sexuality confidently, and
- Building emotional resilience around sexual and even simply flirtatious experiences.
Happily, we have even more resources below to help you along your journey!
Next Steps for “What does it mean to be comfortable with your sexuality?”
- For more help with sexuality, check out this article: Comfortable In Your Own Skin Around Sexual Desire.
- Download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build your sexual confidence on a foundation of awareness, love, and respect for yourself!
- For more in-depth support, consider our Magnetic Confidence program.
This self-paced, self-study program will skyrocket your sexual confidence by…
- bringing out your unique best through your introverted edge,
- addressing people-pleasing tendencies that get in your way, and
- building your magnetic qualities by honing your leadership and problem-solving skills.
To reach your dating goals while honoring who you are at your core, get details on how to develop Magnetic Confidence here.