“It’s hard to feel happy for happy couples.”
Has that thought ever crossed your mind? If so, know that it’s a common sentiment. It is completely normal to feel a bit jealous of people in relationships.
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re enjoying time with family or friends, and you see a moment between two people who care for each other. It could be your best friend sharing a playful wink with his wife, happy strangers holding hands at the park, or your sister being treated tenderly by her boyfriend.
During that moment, you want to feel happy for those people. You know that you should feel a sense of joyful respect and celebration for their happiness. Instead, you experience some feelings of jealousy and perhaps also some guilt for feeling that way.
If so, you aren’t alone in those feelings. In fact, a lot of our readers have experienced something similar.
This post will help you celebrate your friends’ happy success in relationships and marriage, even if you don’t currently have that in your own life.
- Guide you through some introspective work you can do to combat jealousy, and
- Provide tangible action steps to help you experience peace in the season you’re in.
By the end of this post, you will know how to not get jealous of people in relationships!
Why is this so important in the first place?
When someone has what you want, it’s understandable to feel a little jealous. When those people are our very own friends or family, it can be easy to lose sight of the joy we share for their wonderful experience.
Now, let’s explore effective strategies so you know how not to get jealous of people in relationships!
First, set aside some time for introspection.
If you’re experiencing some jealousy when it comes to others’ relationships, recognize it as an invitation to engage with some of your deeper feelings.
There are many new habits and tangible steps you can take to turn your jealousy into happiness for others, and those habits are much more likely to be effective if you first recognize your own feelings and desires!
Here is some introspective work you can do to help you feel less jealous…
1. Shift your focus to the goodness in your own life.
Envy often takes root at a time when we’re taking our own blessings for granted. Count them again! You are talented, gifted, and cared for deeply. You are unique.
Your life is of infinite value, and your journey will be just as unique as you are. No two lives look identical, and you have countless reasons to be grateful for the life you have been given. Look at all the wonderful things and people in your life, and remember not to lose sight of how much there is to be thankful for.
2. Recognize your jealousy as a deep longing inside of you.
The first feelings of jealousy can be a helpful indicator as to what you desire.
For some introverted men, this jealousy can be disguised as frustration or anger. Although anger tends to get a bad rap, it also has the potential to be used constructively!
When we take the time to understand our anger, it often reveals deep personal insights that can move us to action. Instead of resenting or hiding your jealousy (and the frustration that can come with it), try to embrace the underlying message that feeling is sending you.
For example, your jealousy may help you admit that you want things to be different for you. It might simply be reminding you that you long for a relationship. Instead of covering over your jealousy, bring it out into the open! This introspective step will help you with the ones that follow.
Remember that everyone’s journey is different. Where they are having ease and you are having hardship, that might be flipped in another area of life.
Search for things to be thankful for on your own journey where things have come together nicely for you.
3. Remind yourself that nobody has it all.
It has often been said that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and it couldn’t be more true.
Comparing your life to others’ is not effective because you can’t see behind the scenes. There will always appear to be people who have it better than you, and there will always appear to be people who have it worse than you, too.
Remember this: we tend to compare the worst of what we know about ourselves with the best assumptions we make about others. The truth is that nobody has it all. Each person you meet experiences problems and challenges, just like you. Nobody is exempt.
4. Remember that there isn’t anything wrong with you.
If you’re the only single person in your group of friends or family, you may start to experience some feelings of self-doubt. Those feelings can sometimes turn into jealousy or sadness.
Being single is in no way a reflection of you or your self-worth! Use this opportunity to foster curiosity for what may come along in the future!
5. Don’t take your friends’ relationships personally.
If you start to feel discouraged, remember that you genuinely want your friends to feel happy!
Your friends want you to be happy, too. When they aren’t free this weekend for quality time because they have plans with their significant other, don’t take it personally. Instead, try to be happy for them and know that when it’s your turn, they’ll be happy for you too.
Now that you have a great start, it’s time to consider some tangible, external things you can do to help you not get jealous of people in relationships.
Next, resolve to take action and get rid of jealousy.
After building the foundation that will help you resolve jealousy through internally processing your thoughts and feelings, it’s time to consider some tangible steps that will help you not get jealous of people in relationships!
Here are some action-based strategies to help you feel less jealous…
1. Invest as much time as possible with grateful people.
Happily, gratitude is contagious!
Find a handful of grateful people who you know. If you think of someone characterized by contentment in their lives, you’re likely on the right track. Invest quality time with those people!
If you have a hard time finding grateful people to spend quality time with, consider other places you can learn from them. Perhaps there’s a blog, YouTube channel, or inspirational speaker you can follow or a book you can read.
The more you invest your time listening to thankful people, the more their spirit of gratitude will catch on. Soon, you’ll be content with what you already have instead of desiring what others have.
2. Actively celebrate others’ happiness.
Genuinely and practically, rejoice in the fortune of others. When you refuse to see life as a competition, it allows you to revel in others’ happiness, which is a deep, even if non-obvious, joy in life!
Keep in mind that joy is an infinite resource. Just because someone else has it, that doesn’t mean there’s less joy for you to experience.
When someone has something you want, quell any jealousy you may feel with creativity. How can you show them how happy you are for them?
Consider writing them a lovely card or asking them intentionally about how their experience is going and what they’re learning. Even a thoughtful text letting them know how happy you are for them (and why) can go a long way in deepening your friendship and in stretching you towards even more kindness from your heart.
3. Practice generosity.
Make a goal to turn generosity into an essential habit.
Brainstorm ways you can give of your time, finances, or abilities. Perhaps you could volunteer locally or support a social justice initiative. For some great ideas of how you can volunteer, check out this article.
As you invest more time and energy in intentional generosity, you will feel considerably more fulfilled and your days will grow more meaningful.
When you do this, it won’t leave much space for jealousy. Slowly but surely, those jealous thoughts will fade away!
4. Truly enjoy your time being single.
Did you know that you have permission to feel happy with your current relationship status?
It is so fulfilling to invest deeply in yourself this season: to focus entirely on yourself, learn more about yourself, and discover what you truly want in a partner.
You might consider signing up for an early morning yoga class, learning a new skill like baking or painting, planning a fun trip, or redecorating your home. (You may even want to do in-depth, beautiful work on yourself in one of our programs!)
While single, you can still feel free to go out on as many dates as you want, meet women, and discover what you’re looking for. If you look at your time as a single man as something positive, you are less likely to get jealous of people in relationships!
5. Ask other couples questions.
If you notice yourself admiring someone else’s relationship as “couple goals,” get to know them better by asking about what makes their dynamic work so well.
This could prove to be a very valuable experience. You have the opportunity to celebrate them with your curiosity while setting yourself up to learn something new! If you long for what they have, write down some questions for them.
For example, you might ask…
- How did they meet?
- Do they have any tips for someone who longs for a relationship?
- What do they like best about each other (and if that has changed over time)?
- How do they work through disagreements or conflict?
- What activities or hobbies do they do together and what they do separately?
- What do they consider to be their biggest learning moments in their relationship?
- No matter what questions you ask, be open to answers that might surprise you! See how much you can learn. It’s okay to look forward to a relationship of your own someday as long as you don’t lose sight of the wonderful blessings and opportunities that are already around you.
Conclusion on how to not get jealous of people in relationships.
You’ll also be able to experience peace with your longing for a relationship. Remember that this longing is a wonderful thing because it moves you toward companionship, friendship, and perhaps when the timing is right, a healthy romantic relationship.
In review, today we went over…
- Conquering jealousy from the inside out by engaging in introspective work, and
- Taking tangible action to fill your life with the wonderful things that can replace jealous feelings.
In order to help resolve any jealous feelings, it’s important to be grounded in your own identity. To do that, download our free 22-page ebook! Inside, you’ll find an exercise that will help you better understand and embrace your best traits. This self-knowledge will be a sustaining resource to overcome jealousy as you long for a relationship. Get your copy here!
If you’re serious about not getting jealous of people in relationships, you can pick a handful of the tips in this article or go down the list and implement every single one!
At the end of the day, though, you may need to invest in a one-on-one coaching program that helps introverted, logical men in all areas of dating… including getting past any jealous feelings. If you’re ready to solve this area of your life for good with completely customized 1:1 support for your unique situation as an introverted man, consider letting us guide you in a personalized way through our Launch Your Dating Life program.
These 12 weeks of in-depth training and coaching will help you…
- Be and feel sexually attractive,
- Meet and connect with great women, and
- Get numbers and go on dates.
Learn more and apply here so we can see if this program is right for you!