Initiating small talk as an introvert
If you’ve ever wondered how to make small talk, you aren’t alone. When it comes to developing small talk skills, many introverted men aren’t sure where to begin.
One Introverted Alpha reader (we’ll call him Ryan) shared…
Being an introvert, small talk is not one of my fortes. I have no clue how to flirt or escalate touch… I want to approach women that I’m intrigued by, and explore connections that seem interesting to me.
If that sounds relatable, you’ve come to the right place!
Today, we’re sharing our top tips to help you create (and even enjoy) small talk!
By the end of this post, you’ll know exactly what to do to improve your small talk skills and start connecting better with women.
Why does small talk matter when it comes to dating?
If you’ve ever thought that practicing small talk could improve your dating life, you’re absolutely right!
Since introverted men long for deep, genuine conversations, small talk can sometimes feel like a detour from your goal of real connection. That’s understandable!
The goal of small talk, though, is to establish familiarity and build trust gradually.
The long-term goal of small talk is connection. While it may feel surface-level in the moment, remember that it’s an important building block to a deeper connection down the road!
Now, let’s dive in!
How to Make Small Talk: 6 Simple Tips
Now that you know why making small talk can improve your dating life, it’s time to talk about how you can develop those skills successfully!
1. Start with a simple introduction.
Remember that there are 3 key parts to your first impression:
- What you say,
- How you say it, and
- What your body language conveys.
Happily, a warm smile is the easiest solution for #2 and #3. Speaking through a smile makes you more approachable, attractive, and likable.
When it comes to what you say, keep it simple. Always start with a “hey” or “hello,” and then share your name.
After that, it may be helpful to have a few different types of introductions on hand based on where you find yourself.
For example, if you’re practicing small talk at the grocery store, you can comment on how busy it is there. If you’re at a place you go to regularly, such as a gym or church, you can share how long you’ve been going there.
2. Bypass rehearsed scripts.
We’ve all been through the same general small talk questions, such as asking where someone is from, commenting on the weather, or asking what someone does for work.
These small talk on-ramps can sometimes feel overdone, and they add little value to the conversation.
That’s why we recommend you take a more creative approach! Here are some refreshing small talk questions to help you get started:
- Do you know anyone here?
- Have you been here before?
- What are you eating/drinking?
From there, you can seamlessly ask follow-up questions and share your own answers. Establishing common ground can help small talk feel more comfortable and genuine!
3. Invite joyful moments.
One caution about small talk is that it can drift into dull territory.
The most important way to keep your small talk momentum going is to increase the warmth in the conversation.
Happily, the easiest way to do that is by asking questions that are joyful! Try questions like these:
- What’s something you’re looking forward to?
- What was the very best part of your day?
- Where do you feel happiest and most like yourself?
Since these questions all have a positive spin, they’re sure to infuse your conversation with a warm glow. You’ll be surprised by how excited she is to answer your questions!
4. Ask questions you genuinely want to know the answers to.
If you’re wondering about how to make small talk, the first thing to remember is that you never want someone to feel like you’re checking things off a list or reciting a memorized script.
When you ask questions you truly aren’t interested in, it’s easy to zone out, glaze over, or even forget what you two are talking about.
The great news is that if you follow your natural curiosity about the woman you’re talking to, it can unlock interesting, playful small talk that may lead to a deeper connection than you anticipated!
5. Look for and celebrate commonalities.
Few things can forge a beautiful bond between two people quite like a shared experience, perspective, or goal.
There are many ways you can affirm that you’re on the same page as the person you’re talking to. For example, you can say…
- “I feel exactly the same way.”
- “That’s so true!”
- “Wow, I had the same thought.”
After making a statement to confirm your common ground, expand on why you see things the same way or tell a story about your experience. This helps accelerate the conversation to a more genuine place.
6. Get started now, or read more deeply on this topic.
If you feel ready to practice small talk, go ahead and get started! If not, here are a few places to dive deeper:
- Striking Up Conversation: 5 ways that introverts can approach women
- How To Be More Playful And Fun: an article with 4 strategies and why they work
- Conversation Topics + Tips: a comprehensive guide for introverted men
Now that you know how to make small talk using the 6 effective tips we covered today, let’s review what we’ve learned!
Conclusion on how to make small talk
Today, we covered…
- The reasons why small talk matters,
- 6 effective tips for great small talk, and
- Examples of what to say during your conversation.
To make sure your small talk skills feel genuine to you, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
For more personalized support, check out our program, Become a Benevolent Badass!
This in-depth 1:1 coaching program will support you in…
- finding your personal true north,
- bringing out your best around others, and
- becoming an intentional social leader.
To feel confident and authentic while connecting with others, Become a Benevolent Badass today!