How To Flirt Without It Seeming Like You’re Flirting

“How can I flirt more effectively?”

One IA reader (we’ll call him Jeremy) has historically found flirting to be a challenge. He shares…

“I notice my fair share of women making eye contact (at least I like to think so), but being an introvert, small talk is not one of my fortes. I have no clue how to flirt or escalate to touch. Also, [I want to be able to] approach women that I’m intrigued by, and explore connections that seem interesting to me.”

Have you ever felt that same way? Today, we’ll walk through each of the four sequential aspects that Jeremy mentioned when it comes to flirting successfully:

  • Eye contact,
  • Small talk,
  • Playful touch, and
  • Leadership towards a date.

The wonderful news is that flirting can feel comfortable (and be effective!), when you know exactly how to create, nurture, and further the meaningful connections you want.

Before we get started, let’s step back and see why you might be interested in learning how to flirt better in general.


Why is this so important in the first place?

Flirting can often feel like a balancing act. The trick is to find the Goldilocks spot between coming on too strong and being so subtle that your efforts go undetected!

Once you know how to walk that line, you can intentionally determine your next steps, as long as you have the confidence to do so.

A sense of confidence is the healthiest foundation for successful flirting, dating, and relationships, and discovering what is uniquely attractive about you is essential to building that self-esteem in the first place!

When you know what draws women to you, you’re able to flirt and connect with confidence! That’s exactly what this free 22-page ebook helps you with.

Download it here, and complete the exercise after you read this post to find out what makes you so magnetic to women!

Now, let’s dive in!


Eye contact

As simple as it is, making eye contact is a necessary and exciting first step to beginning your flirtatious interactions.

Flirtatious eye contact often carries a whole cocktail of feelings with it, such as…

  • Curiosity,
  • Admiration,
  • Respect,
  • Attraction, and
  • Desire.

Without that mutual, flirtatious gaze, the future steps in this flirting sequence lack the context and foundation that makes the experience feel authentic, comfortable, and exhilarating!

Assuming you’ve made a tangible connection via eye contact, it’s time to take your flirting up a notch.


Small talk

Once you’ve connected well on the visual level, go ahead and venture into the conversational realm!

While small talk can sometimes have a bad wrap among introverts, “small” doesn’t have to mean shallow!

If you’re an introverted man who wants to know how to flirt without it seeming like you’re flirting AND you want to honestly enjoy (!) the brief small talk step on your way to a deep, meaningful connection, here are a few tips:

  • Ask her meaningful questions,
  • Give her your full, undivided attention,
  • Show genuine interest in what she has to say,
  • Pay attention to and respect her social cues,
  • Express who you are and how you feel with authenticity,
  • Share some vulnerable parts of yourself, and
  • Make her feel comfortable to do the same.

If the conversation has been going smoothly, the next step is to incorporate some physical touch.


Playful touch

Once a more personal connection has been established through talking to one another, it’s time to take your budding chemistry up a level!

If the idea of incorporating touch in the course of your conversation feels intimidating, know that you aren’t alone! Many introverted men share the same sentiment.

Since this topic is too big and important to gloss over, we recommend you read a detailed article regarding touch entitled The Importance Of Touch In Attraction, Flirting, And Dating.

There, we fully unpack the where, how, and when of incorporating casual, flirtatious touch in a new relationship!



The wonderful thing about an Introverted Alpha man’s leadership is that it’s not about control, superiority, manipulation, or domination.

When you take the initiative to…

  • Ask for her number,
  • Plan a date,
  • State your intentions, or
  • Ask to become exclusive…

… it excites women because this illustrates your tact, thoughtfulness, and confidence.

Great leaders are dependable and reliable, determined to set the bar high, unafraid to take initiative, and unwilling to wait around for someone else to act first.

Leadership in setting up a date with her is the final sequential step when it comes to flirting advice because it paves the way for the flirting to continue, possibly for a long time to come!


Final thoughts on subtle flirting

Overall, these four sequential flirting steps will be subtle yet detectable because they each build on one another gradually and naturally.

Now that you know what to do when you’re wondering how to flirt without it seeming like you’re flirting, you’ll be able to make your next move with peace and confidence!

Today, we went over four sequential ways to serve as a road map for those of you wondering how to flirt without it seeming like you’re flirting. We covered…

  • Eye contact,
  • Small talk,
  • Playful touch, and
  • Leadership towards a date.

Keep in mind that there’s no perfect timeline for the progression of flirting steps laid out here! Some introverted men may feel comfortable going through all four steps on the first date, while others may thrive when they spread out each step over exhilarating opportunities.

If you’re looking for more advice about flirting, check out this article, How To Flirt When You’re An Introverted Man.


Your Next Steps

man and woman laughing in doorway - how to flirt without it seeming like you're flirtingFirst of all, remember to download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build your flirting skills on a foundation of confidence!

For more in-depth guidance, consider our First Touch To First Kiss program where you’ll discover the 10-step seamless sequence to earning her trust, building chemistry, and always knowing what to do next!

This is a powerful self-paced program that allows you to absorb and integrate the material in your own personal timing and become more confident by the moment. Learn more here!

Micayla from IA
Micayla from IA
Micayla is resident writer here at Introverted Alpha, which is known as the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of our 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

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