An introvert’s guide: How to flirt with women
There are two approaches when it comes to figuring out how to flirt with women as an introverted man:
- A casual, one-size-fits-all approach, or
- A thoughtfully tailored approach that accounts for your unique qualities as an introvert.
As you have likely already experienced, there is plenty of dating advice scattered across the four corners of the internet!
If you’re an introverted man wondering how to flirt with women, and you’ve already found the first option mentioned above to feel…
- forced, and
… you’ve come to the right place.
Approaching a woman already likely puts you a bit outside of your comfort zone, and the last experience you want when you’re trying to flirt with a woman is to feel like you’re being untrue to yourself or copying what everyone else is doing.
To leave her with a genuine desire to get to know you more, you have to be authentic… and that means working WITH what already makes you special as an introvert, not pretending to be some life-of-the-party extroverted version of yourself that doesn’t actually exist.
The great news is that we’re here to help you learn how to flirt with women, all while staying true to who you are.
Today, we’re going to cover the two main categories you need to be familiar with as you learn how to flirt with women!
The intersection between flirting and confidence
When you know why women are ALREADY attracted to you, you’ll find yourself flirt with much more confidence (and success!).
Now, let’s dive in so you can discover how to flirt with women!
How to flirt with women: Nonverbal flirting strategies
Nonverbal communication means conveying information without using words.
Researchers have found that 80% of our communication with others relies on our nonverbals, whereas only 20% depends on our words.
The 9 main categories of nonverbal communication are…
- Facial expressions
- Paralinguistics (such as loudness or tone of voice)
- Body language
- Proxemics or personal space
- Eye gaze,
- Haptics (touch)
- Artifacts (objects and images)
To discover how to flirt with women using each of these 9 nonverbal communication categories, keep reading!
- Facial expressions: Let’s just say a smile can go a long way when it comes to attracting women! Keeping your face looking warm, kind, and interested in her is much more flirtatious than seeming cold or closed off.
- Gestures: If you’re flirting with a woman you’ve just met, a friendly wave to get her attention or a nice handshake as you introduce yourself can help. We also recommend incorporating small gestures of touch as you get deeper into a conversation with a woman. This could look like gently touching her hand as you tell a story or lighly putting your hand on her shoulder as you laugh at a joke she just told you.
- Paralinguistics: We tend to associate a louder voice with more confidence and assertiveness, whereas a quiet voice can sometimes make you come across as timid or unsure. If you already know you’re a quiet talker, try to bump your volume up a notch (especially if you’re somewhere loud). If it feels more authentic to you to speak softly, you can balance that out by pulling her in a little closer for a more intimate conversation (if she seems open to that!).
- Body language: Although body language is #4 on this list, it may as well be #1 for how important it is! Closed-off body language, which is not flirtatious, looks like crossed arms, leaning away, being distracted by your phone, and totally disengaged. On the other hand, open body language includes having a pleasant smile on your face, happily taking in your surroundings, and maintaining upright body posture. When you’re not hunched over with your face buried in your phone, you seem much more approachable!
- Proxemics: When it comes to personal space and flirting, as long as she seems to reciprocate your interest, less is more! Don’t be afraid to scoot in or stand closer to her. If she doesn’t like how close you are, she’ll move away.
- Eye gaze: How will a woman know that you’re interested in her if you’re not making eye contact? Flirtatious eye contact means catching her gaze more frequently and holding it for a little longer than you would with someone else! A few seconds is all that is needed to convey your interest in her.
- Haptics: When it comes to touch, we recommend starting small and reading her cues. You don’t want to overwhelm her! Start with touching her shoulder as you tell her a joke or touching her hand gently as you give her a genuine compliment.
- Appearance: The way you dress, smell, style your hair, pick your shoes, and even how fit you are all play into how confident you’ll feel when you flirt with a woman (and she’ll appreciate your extra effort!).
- Artifacts: When thinking about objects, an often subconscious flirtatious gesture is to remove obstacles that stand in the way of something (or, in this case, someone) you want or to place objects between you and something you don’t like. If you want to take your flirtation up a notch, sit so there isn’t a chair in between you or move a table centerpiece if it is getting in the way of you being able to see her face.
How to flirt with women: Verbal flirting strategies
In contrast with nonverbal communication, verbal communication is exclusively the words we say.
- Offering genuine compliments,
- Incorporating humor to keep the conversation light and carefree (and to make her smile!),
- Asking thoughtful, meaningful questions (that you genuinely want to know the answer to!),
- Expressing who you are and how you feel with authenticity,
- Voicing what attracts you to her (or what about her made you want to introduce yourself),
- Sharing some vulnerable parts of yourself, and
- Making her feel comfortable to do the same.
Remember, the verbal aspect of flirting involves a lot of give-and-take. Keep the conversation light at first, and then play to your natural strengths as an introvert by steering your talk towards greater depth with meaningful topics.
Conclusion on how to flirt with women
Your Next Steps
Here’s what to do next to make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving:
- For more advice, read this article: Flirting For Introverts: The Complete How-To Guide.
- Download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build these dating skills on a foundation of confidence!
For more personalized support, consider our First Touch To First Kiss program.
You’ll discover the 10-step seamless sequence to earning her trust, building chemistry, and always knowing what to do next!
We made First Touch To First Kiss specifically for introverted men like you who feel out of practice dating and need the step-by-steps for creating and maintaining chemistry while on dates.
This powerful, self-paced program allows you to absorb and integrate the material in your own timing.