Dating During Covid in 2021
How You Can Date Well During Covid
In our current season, there are new challenges and new gifts.
A challenge is all the unknown. If we are “afraid of the unknown” by nature, how much unknown is there currently to deal with, on top of our day to day! A lot. So that is a challenge for sure, including in a dating context.
A gift is coming face to face with our need for connection with others. This is a blessing because it helps to move us towards deeper and more meaningful relationships, through our intentions and actions. I hope we will all be relationship-richer in our next season than we were in the past.
This is a guide to clear up the challenges and embrace the gifts of our present reality in a dating context, so that as an introverted man, you feel more than equipped to connect with women and perhaps even find a loving, meaningful relationship in this season.
Our goal with this guide is to support you in feeling confident to reach out and explore dating now, knowing that as you do, you’ll benefit from learning new things and meeting new people, all while being true to yourself and keeping health and safety in mind.
So let’s dive into how to connect with women right now, including setting the stage with empathy, embracing all the gifts of virtual convenience, and leading well on in-person dates.
Set The Stage with Empathy
Table of Contents for this Section:
1. Be Kind To Yourself
2. Be Considerate Towards Others
3. Determine Your Do’s And Don’ts
4. Find Out Her Do’s And Don’ts
5. Let Covid Bring You Closer Together
Be Kind To Yourself
The best thing you can do, first off, is to be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
Depending on where you live, what those around you think and feel and say, and your personal disposition and approach to things, you may feel anywhere from “corona cautious” to “corona casual.” ;)
On a scale of 1 to 10, where one is, “I’m going to die tomorrow,” and ten is, “There is no such thing as Covid,” where are you?
Perhaps you’re a 2, or a solid 5, or even a 9 (in which case, you probably wouldn’t be reading this guide). So let’s assume you’re somewhere between 2 to 7. We’ll circle back to this in your personal do’s and don’ts below.
For now, let’s go back to the topic of being kind to yourself.
Whenever we face a new stressor, it can affect us in obvious and predictable ways (clear thoughts like, “This is stressful!”) all the way to nonobvious and surprising ways (forgetfulness, fatigue, general overwhelm, irritability, and more).
Welcome to humanity! It’s natural that when we are stressed, we don’t feel quite like our normal selves. We’re a little (or a lot) less resilient, patient, and all the other qualities we’d like to have a lot more of every day especially when we’re stressed.
And even if we’re a 9 on the 1-10 scale above, it’s still a stressful climate right now. So imagine how that feels if you’re a 2 or a 5… tons of stress. So if you’re feeling the effects of that, take a deep breath with me right now and say to yourself or out loud, “It’s okay. It’s okay to feel stressed in a stressful situation.”
Now, speaking of being kind to ourselves, let’s be considerate towards others:
Be Considerate Towards Others
If we’re a 2 or even a 5, it can be really hard to understand a 9. And if we’re a 7 or an 8, it can be very hard to understand a 1 or a 3.
The thing is, everyone on the planet is somewhere between 1 and 10. They just are. And so, being curious about them, while staying true to our own convictions, is considerate.
In a dating context, if you are a 3 and your date is a 6, you can kindly share your personal comfort levels (which we’ll determine just below) with her. And if you’re a 6 and she’s a 3, you can kindly offer to meet her exactly where she’s at, comfort-wise.
We are in this together, and we only need to be around those who are willing to also be compassionate and respectful, especially in something as open-ended as dating where there are no real obligations in meeting someone, aside from basic respect.
So, you can take another sigh of relief that you’re about to be fully equipped to respect others and yourself, completely in this season.
Determine Your Do’s and Don’ts
Here is an example of what a person might feel comfortable with, using the one to ten scale in the section just above:
1: “I am not comfortable meeting in person at all until Covid is over. I want to get to know each other virtually, and that is all I am comfortable with until this is water under the bridge.”
2: “I am not comfortable meeting in person unless we are both tested beforehand and have each been quarantined completely for two weeks. In that case, we can meet in person.”
3/4: “We can meet in person if we have both been quarantined for two weeks; no test is needed. We can wear face masks and practice social distancing.”
5/6: “Even if we haven’t been completely quarantined, as long as we wear face masks and practice social distancing, we should be okay to meet.”
7/8: “If we are reasonably cautious in our day to day lives, we can meet without face masks but with social distancing.”
9: “While I am not spending as much time in person with people as I would otherwise, I am comfortable to meet without face masks or social distancing.”
10: “I am totally comfortable meeting and have no reservations whatsoever.”
Now, after looking over that list, where do you see yourself?
This is great information to know, and you might slide up or down the scale depending on whether someone you know closely is seriously affected or whether people you know become more relaxed about it.
It is helpful to be aware of where you are on the scale and why, where you’ve been and why, and where you are most comfortable.
Find Out Her Do’s and Don’ts
One way to find out is to pass her this one to ten list and ask her where she sees herself on it!
For your first date, you can ask her a question that ends at your highest comfort level like, “Would you like to FaceTime this week or meet in person?”
To keep things simple, you can always make the first date a FaceTime or Zoom date. Then on your FaceTime or Zoom, you can ask, “How would you feel about meeting in person next time?”
You can also wait to ask her that via text if you don’t want to put her on the spot. Then if she expresses that she would like that, you can ask ending at your highest comfort level.
For example, if you’re a 7 or higher, you could say, “Awesome! What is your comfort level re: masks and social distancing? I’m honestly comfortable either way, but I want to be sure that you are comfortable. :)”
And if you’re a 6 or under, you could say, “Awesome! Are you good with wearing masks and practicing social distancing? That’s what I’m most comfortable with, so I wanted to check and see if you’re good with that. :)”
And you’re off to the races!
Let Covid Bring You Closer Together
While in many ways Covid can feel like a barrier to intimacy, it actually is a doorway to more intimacy in other ways.
Even by having a conversation together about what you’re most comfortable with, you are opening up to each other and being candid and respectful. All of that builds intimacy.
Also, most of the time in life, our struggles are individual and personal rather than collective. The fact that you’re both going through the same thing (navigating Covid, even if you’ve done it in different ways) is a bond-developer.
So, you can enjoy that interesting and different feeling of connection that wasn’t available before, and you can let it open you up to knowing and being known more while dating.
Connect with Women Virtually
Table of Contents for this Section:
1. Spruce Up Your Online Dating Profile
2. Explore Other Ways to Meet Women
3. Embrace Virtual Dates
4. Communicate Well Between Dates
Spruce Up Your Online Dating Profile
During Covid, no matter whether you are a 1 or a 10 on the scale above, online dating can be a very good friend.
In this season, more people are online than ever, including those who you would have loved to meet but who just didn’t think that online dating was for them. Now it’s for everyone who is single! Many more people are available to meet across the various dating apps.
For a robust how-to on putting together your profile and navigating the world of online dating, check out these resources on the Introverted Alpha Website:
For tips on messaging women online, here are a couple of articles about just that!
And here is even more:
- Get updated on Introverted Alpha online dating webinars by joining our email list here.
- Check out our online dating coaching programs: Virtually Irresistible and Virtual Virtuoso.
Explore Other Ways to Meet Women
In addition to online dating, you can also meet women locally during Covid while being safe.
Here are some ideas to explore:
- Churches or other organizations that are meeting with masks and social distancing
- Volunteer opportunities that are taking precautions with masks and social distancing
- Local interest groups that are meeting virtually in a video format
- Asking for introductions from friends and family!
Once you meet someone in any of the above ways, you can follow the normal way to set up a date, except perhaps leading with a virtual date and of course having some kind of conversation as outlined above.
When meeting a woman for the first time when each of you is wearing a face mask, you can be sure to smile through your eyes and notice her eyes. When half or more of the face is covered, the eyes take on a new sparkle!
Once you see photos of the other person, you can imagine what they look like, and of course in a virtual date, there would be no face masks, so you can see each other’s full faces that way, even if you’re wearing face masks in person 100% of the time.
Embrace Virtual Dates
Now that we’ve talked about how convenient virtual dates are right now, let’s talk about how to do them well!
The great thing about a FaceTime or Zoom date is that you can prepare in advance, and there is zero expectation to touch her because you can’t! This is a huge relief because so many introverted men can get worried about how to incorporate touch.
Guess what? If you can’t, then it doesn’t stand against you. You can build a connection with her in other ways, through your words and presence through video.
Here’s how:
First, know that women notice details. So be sure that your presentation is great in these ways:
- Clean and uncluttered background around you during your virtual date
- Neat grooming (details show via video!)
- Clean and ironed shirt (as if you were going to see her in person)
- Flattering lighting (near a window during the day or with good lamps around at night)
- Perhaps a little exercise shortly beforehand so that you’ve got some good aliveness happening in your body
Next, be prepared with things you’d like to talk about with her:
- Anything about her profile that caught your interest
- What she was up to that day (which can open into a great conversation!)
- Something that you did that day or week that she might be interested to hear
- A treat that you cooked, baked, or ate recently
- A movie, documentary, show, or podcast that you found fun and interesting
Finally, know how to build chemistry with her:
- Compliment her (always genuinely and naturally; never forced), perhaps one internal compliment (her work ethic) and one external (her smile, or just that she looks beautiful)
- Express that you’ve enjoyed talking with her and would like to see her again (whether virtual or in-person, per the “comfort level” section above)
- Let yourself naturally smile and express your enjoyment of her throughout the date
Communicate Well Between Dates
Sometimes, men think that less communication is more.
Well, surely it’s good to give space and not be texting her every five minutes. But being erratic or unreliable or distant is not the way we want to go! We want to be consistent, reliable, and connected.
Here’s how:
- Text her shortly after your date, telling her how much you enjoyed meeting her and reinforcing that you’d like to see her again.
- Once or twice every day or two, send her a text asking about her day, sharing something fun or sweet with her, and/or firming up plans for your next date.
By doing these things, you’ll keep your communication strong and the chemistry building!
Lead Well On In-Person Dates
Table of Contents for this Section:
1. Lead as a Gentleman on In-Person Dates
2. Build Chemistry Without Touch
3. Determine When To Introduce Touch
4. Stay in Communication About Safety
Lead as a Gentleman on In-Person Dates
Being considerate of where she is on the 1-10 scale above, communicating about that beforehand and showing up in a very respectful way, is extremely attractive.
You are being a good leader, understanding the lay of the land, and making sure that things are safe and good for both of you.
Now it’s time to enjoy the woman in front of you, and here’s how!
Build Chemistry Without Touch
You might ask, “How am I going to flirt and build chemistry if I can’t be close or even touch her?”
This is an understandable question!
Awesomely, you’re off the hook right now because in a non-corona-cautious context, the reason we need to be incorporating proximity and touch in person is that if we don’t do that, we’re avoiding it. And we want to embrace it gently to show that we’re comfortable in our own skin and with others.
But it’s impossible to avoid touch due to discomfort when you have to avoid it due to social distancing! So that’s great news and takes a ton of pressure off.
So here’s how to flirt in this season, without touch:
- Enjoy the experience of getting to know the person in front of you, which is attractive. We much more easily like those who like us.
- Lead the conversation to surface topics and deeper topics, so that you have a robust experience of each other. (Here is our guide on Conversation Topics & Tips for Introverted Men.)
- Bring a positive, pleasant, genuine spirit to getting to know someone new.
- Genuinely, naturally compliment her. Compliments that are sincere and from the heart (nothing over-the-top is needed!) are great for showing you like someone since you can’t do that with touch. For example, if she shares something, you can say, “Oh, I really like how open you are,” or whatever is relevant. It’s flirtatious to give a compliment on a date!
- Tell her you can’t wait to hug her once it’s safe to do so.
Expressing your interest in her, attraction towards her, and enjoyment of her are wonderful ways to build chemistry even when you can’t touch her!
Determine When To Introduce Touch
The scale of 1-10 above is not only useful for first dates; it is also very useful for how your comfort level might change around a particular person and hers around you.
As you go on more dates with someone, you might be a 5 in general but become an 8 or 9 with her, and vice versa. Once you’ve gotten to know each other more, you can talk through these things together.
It will be different, depending on where you are in relation to each other on the scale of 1-10:
If you’re coming from a 4 and she’s coming from an 8, then you can feel free to touch her pretty much as soon as you’re comfortable safety-wise, since she already is.
If you’re coming from an 8 and she’s at a 4, then you’ll want to be very verbal and clear with her before doing anything beyond what she has explicitly verbally agreed to, out of respect for her.
If you’re each coming from an 8, then this is all much less of a concern, and you will both feel comfortable incorporating touch sooner.
If you’re both coming from a 4, then you can discuss step by step, and it’s possible that you may move at the same pace of comfort, or it’s possible that she or you may move quicker than the other one.
So the one who is least comfortable is always the one who is respected and where things stop until more comfort is established.
This increasing comfort could be due to more emotional closeness and eventual commitment in the relationship or due to the present season moving into the past.
Stay in Communication About Safety
Depending on where each of you is on the scale of 1-10, this conversation will be more or less a part of your frequent conversations.
Simply be sure to share anything that the other person may find relevant. For example, if she’s at a 6 and you’re at an 8, perhaps she wants to know how many people you’ve been around in the past two weeks before meeting up, just for her reference.
You can feel this out together. The key is to be respectful and open in communication, mindful especially of the one who is less comfortable. In the example above, it’s her. If it’s you, then you can feel free to ask her the same kind of questions.
As long as the tone is one of respect and consideration, with clear requests and open communication, then you’re setting the relationship up for success!
Final Words on Dating During Covid
From being kind to yourself and considerate to others, to navigating virtual dates and in-person budding relationships, we’ve covered a lot of ground on dating during covid.
We hope this guide has been helpful for you! Feel free to share it with loved ones who are also dating during corona.
If there’s anything we can help with, email us at team@introvertedalpha.com. Thank you for reading, and stay well!
