How to Avoid the Friend Zone and Go on Dates: 3 Steps

Growing a friendship into something more

If you’re already friends with a woman you’re interested in, that’s wonderful news! You’ve already been successful with…

  • Building trust,
  • Showing her you’re a nice guy, and
  • Having fun when you spend time together.

So instead of wondering how to avoid the friend zone and turn things around, you should be asking how to build upon the beautiful, real life foundation you’ve already established.

If you feel that there is a gap between what you have with her now and what you want, this post is for you!

Many guys (introverted men especially) in this situation resolve to wait it out. They hold off and hope for the perfect time, place, and atmosphere to share their feelings in exactly the right way.

All too often, however, all that waiting simply leaves you feeling stuck in the “friend zone,” answerless, and out of luck.

Well, we’ve got your back.

If you want to know how to avoid the friend zone (or get out of it if you sense that you’re already there), we’re going to cover the three states of self-awareness to help you…

  • Understand why you feel this way (“intellectual realization“),
  • Know when it is and is not the best time to act (“emotional pressure“), and
  • Choose your next best steps from a confident mindset (“unshakeable identity“).

By the end of this post, you will feel much more comfortable with what to do so you can successfully escape the friend zone and know exactly when to act.


Why do you need to build confidence first?

Although it may sound a bit intimidating at first, building confidence to tackle uncomfortable situations, like attempting to escape the friend zone, is a skill you can build!

Happily, when you know what already makes you attractive and why a beautiful woman would want to take your friendship into a more romantic territory, the process becomes much more simple!

This free 22-page ebook will help you find out what’s so magnetic (and sexually attractive!) about you. Only with the confidence that comes with heightened self-awareness can you avoid the friend zone and act confidently!

This always starts with knowing why a woman would want you to get out of the friend zone with her in the first place!

Download the ebook here and complete the exercise on page 8 after you read this post.

Now, let’s explore how to get you out of the friend zone!


State 1: Intellectual Realization

This is the basic epiphany that you would like the relationship to become something more.

However, this intellectual understanding by itself is rarely strong enough to inspire action or affect change.

Some of the most common reasons introverted men share for not making sincere efforts to get out of the friend zone are these risks:

  • Experiencing the fear of rejection,
  • Feeling that they won’t know what to say or do, and
  • Lacking clarity on when to say or do something.

These concerns all serve to counteract your desire to get what you want most of all.

While this first state is an important place to start, it can understandably be a frustrating place to stay.

Now, let’s take a look at the second state.


State 2: Emotional Pressure

Here, you reach an internal breaking point. Your feelings and desires seem so powerful that you may feel forced into action.

Examples include…

  • Forcing yourself to compete against the clock to say something before another chance passes you by,
  • Feeling emboldened when you hear your buddy dare you to talk to her, or
  • Wanting to say something to her after having a couple of drinks.

The good news… Unlike the intellectual realization, this state of emotional understanding is strong enough to cause action!

It can inspire you to ask the question you’ve been wanting to ask or share the feelings you hold for her. If she says “yes,” responds favorably, or reciprocates your feelings, then it worked!

The bad news… Situations like these are not the most sustainable, repeatable, or mature.

Are you always going to wait until the very last second to ask a woman out instead of doing so from a place of peace and confidence? Is it only going to happen after alcohol has given you a bit of “liquid courage”?

Additionally, relying on heightened emotions can make you more vulnerable, causing her possible “no” to feel much more devastating than it would under normal circumstances.

Stay with us, because there’s a better way we’re sharing next. :)


State 3: Unshakeable Identity

This state is unlike either of the others.

Here, you’ll have reached such a place of confidence that sharing your feelings is the most authentic path forward.

That confidence will be balanced beautifully with a deep sense of groundedness because no matter how she responds, it can’t add to or take away from the incredible, desirable man that you are.

If you’re not quite to this point yet, that’s okay! You can start working in this direction with some self-directed exercises in our free ebook or with personalized 1:1 help (learn more here!)

Either way, once you get to this state, you can look forward to…

  • Conquering your fear of asking uncomfortable questions,
  • Venturing far beyond your worries about how she might respond, and
  • Realizing your desires aren’t unwarranted.

Once you’ve established a friendship, there are already a lot of shared perspectives. You both enjoy being around each other, there’s something that draws you together, and moving past the friend zone can be a simple progression from Point A to Point B.

Asking if you can take her out from this solid state is more likely to result in a “yes” answer. You’ll be calm and in control, not emotional or stressed.

If she does say “no,” you’ll be in a proper state to accept the rejection. The act of asking wasn’t an unmanageable buildup of emotion; it was a natural, honest expression of how you feel.


Conclusion on how to avoid the friend zone

Couple On Picnic - Avoid The Friend ZoneNow that you know about the three states you can come from when you want to avoid the friend zone, you can take action when you’ve reached a point internally that will allow you to stay confident, grounded, and peaceful.


Your Next Steps

Here’s what to do next to make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving:

  1. Read these articles for more advice about the friend zone and becoming a more confident man.
  2. New here? Download our free ebook to build a strong foundation of confidence.
  3. For personalized support to escape the friend zone, consider our First Touch To First Kiss program.

You’ll learn the 10-step seamless sequence to…

  • Earning her trust,
  • Building chemistry, and
  • Always knowing what to do next.

First Touch To First Kiss is a powerful self-paced program that allows you to absorb and integrate the material in your own personal timing. Don’t wait! Learn more and join here for instant access.

Picture of Micayla from IA
Micayla from IA
Micayla is resident writer here at Introverted Alpha, which is known as the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of our 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

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Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts With Finding Your Own Vibe.

In this powerful free 22-page ebook, "Why PUA Doesn't Work for Introverts And What Works Instead," you will uncover...


--> A 3-step exercise to find what makes you uniquely attractive
--> Why the “pickup artist” approach will never work for introverts and what works instead

--> How to attract women naturally being your best self

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