Here are the most attractive traits of software engineers in dating and relationships:
If you’re a programmer, you may have worried whether you’re being cold and detached in social situations or even if you lack people skills in general.
What you’re likely *not* wondering is all the ways you’re amazing.
But there are so many attractive traits of software engineers!
Yes, as a software engineer, you may tend to using logic and reason when others would use feelings and instincts in social situations. However, you can learn to use this to your advantage!
The key is to develop and tactfully use your natural skills.
Today’s post is all about how to take your innate programmer tendencies and turn them into advantages in your dating life.
We’ll talk about how…
- creative problem-solving skills,
- attention to detail, and
- a logical approach to dating
… can all be extremely attractive traits of software engineers.
Before we dive into all of that, let’s take a step back and talk about those negative stereotypes we mentioned.
Why is it important to use your programmer powers for good?
Cold, hard logic is a fantastic tool for solving problems in your code. However, it doesn’t always work great in relationships.
Software engineers (and science or math types in general) can sometimes feel awkward or hopeless when it comes to dating.
But as a software engineer, you have so much more to offer than your logic alone!
You have a rich world of feelings that you keep on the inside.
Most introverted, logical guys who want to improve their dating lives usually end up trying to merge those two very separate worlds.
It’s totally okay if you still prefer to make your life decisions based on logic. In fact, that’s often a great thing. But, when it comes to dating, you need to get in touch with your inner feelings.
Show your romantic partner what’s going on in your heart. You’ll probably find that those two halves of yourself are happiest when they are integrated.
For more on a similar topic, check out our related post, “How to Figure Out Flirting Signs as an Engineer.”
Now, let’s dive into the 4 most attractive traits of software engineers.
1. Problem-solving skills
We’re not talking about just any old problem-solving skills.
Software engineers (and engineers in general) often have quite a talent for coming up with creative solutions that hardly anyone else would ever think of.
You likely have a way of looking at challenges and seeing completely innovative ways around or through that challenge.
If anyone can piece together a solution to a seemingly impossible situation, it’s a software engineer!
How does this skill translate to your dating life?
Have you ever heard that quote about the definition of insanity being the repetition of the same behavior with the expectation of different results?
Well, you can rest assured that most software engineers would never, ever get stuck in that trap.
Software engineers deal with computers every day. Computers, by their very nature, are predictable. They do exactly what they were programmed to do… nothing more and nothing less.
So if a software engineer runs into an error in the code, he knows that he must have made a mistake somewhere.
Rather than running that code over and over again and insisting that the computer must be wrong, he instead devotes as long as it takes (minutes, hours, weeks…) to finding his mistake and fixing it.
Talk about an attractive trait in relationships!
Women are obviously not computers, but the underlying principle still stands.
A software engineer is unlikely to encounter a challenge in a relationship and try to solve it the same way every time when the solution didn’t work the first time. To an experienced coder, that would be silly.
Women dating programmers often find themselves surprised and delighted by some of the creative measures their boyfriends take when they encounter a challenge.
If you find a dynamic where you can creatively come up with solutions as a couple, that’s a foundation for a very healthy relationship!
Persistence is of course related to the creative problem-solving trait, but it goes a little deeper.
When you’re writing a piece of software, you don’t expect bugs to fix themselves.
And you probably understand that real-life problems don’t magically solve themselves, either. In fact, this point probably sounds so obvious to you that it may seem silly that we would even have to say it.
However, you’d be surprised that not everyone realizes the magic of actively seeking efficient solutions.
A lot of people who don’t have that daily practice of rooting out troublesome software bugs tend to push issues aside and hope they won’t have to confront them head-on. They may avoid the subject entirely or give a halfhearted attempt before moving on.
Taking persistent action until an issue has been solved isn’t something that comes naturally to everyone.
Software engineers who spend hours every day tracking down and rooting out troublesome quirks in their programs are unlikely to be put off by small conflicts in a relationship.
This is so attractive because it shows true courage and deep confidence in one’s skills!
Not only does this enhance your attractiveness as a potential partner, when you become an expert at creatively fixing things in your work life, that skill frequently translates to other areas of life as well.
The ability to take persistent action is one of the most attractive traits of software engineers. This is especially the case to women who want long-term relationships.
After all, no relationship is completely free from issues.
When a man can not only commit and be unafraid of these challenges but also be a creative and active participant in their solutions, that is heaven for most women in serious relationships.
3. Attention to detail and 4. A strong sense of logic
We’re combining numbers 3 and 4 because these two form a beautiful synergy that you might not expect.
You can use your innate sense of logical structure to file away details that you notice. Use these details to help you learn about situations across all areas of your life.
If you can turn your attention to detail toward noticing things about your date and ordering those details into a logical structure to help you learn about dating, even better.
How do you put this into practice?
Again, noticing small details is something you probably do naturally and don’t realize that it doesn’t always come naturally to others.
While many guys wouldn’t think to notice the tiny things and remember them for later, software engineers often have a practiced ability to do just that.
And if you’re a software engineer who doesn’t make use of this skill, now is a great time to start!
The key is to focus attention onto your date and then fit the things you notice into a logical, programmatic “mental code” that can help you navigate your relationship.
As you gain dating experience, this will likely come more and more naturally to you over time.
But for the guys who need help combining their logical outer world with the inner world of emotions, try this fun mental exercise.
Picture your last date. Or, if you haven’t been on a date recently, imagine a dinner date scenario.
You’re talking, having drinks, eating food. How can you write your interactions into pseudo-code that you can practice and perfect over time?
Just like we mentioned earlier, keep feelings at the forefront of your mind. Make an effort to integrate those feelings into a logical structure that makes sense to you.
Consider these examples:
- If/then statement: If it makes her happy when you compliment her outfit, then do that again on your next date.
- Unexpected error: If she seems displeased when you mention your ex, you’ve encountered an error in your dating program. Input different parameters (i.e. make a different comparison instead of bringing up your ex in a story) and see if the error goes away.
- While loop: If you have trouble remembering to show interest when others are speaking (this is a challenge many introverts face), sprinkle “active listening tips” into a mental while loop. For example, while she is talking, nod at certain key points. While she is telling a story, lean forward slightly to show that you’re actively engaged in what she is saying.
- Functions and key-value dictionaries: When she finishes speaking, end the while loop and load up your mental function called “tell a story related to something she just said” or access the “interesting questions” (values) you stored in a dictionary categorized by things she said (keys).
You get the idea.
Having pre-planned (and lighthearted!) ;) methods to focus on can help you navigate through unfamiliar dating situations. This way, you can learn which methods work and which ones don’t.
If logic is your forte, work it. ;)
Conclusion on the most attractive traits of software engineers:
You may have noticed by now that the best way to exude attractive qualities as an engineer is to lean into your innate talents and then integrate those with emotions.
There’s no need to fight your logical nature just because of a few stereotypes that misconstrue how you truly feel.
Let’s recap today’s post.
We talked about these common and attractive traits of software engineers:
- Creativity with solving problems,
- Taking persistent action when it comes to using those creative solutions, and
- Fitting details you’ve noticed about your date into a logical structure that helps you make sense of the unfamiliar situation.
For even more tips on how you can take action to improve your dating life, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
We can also help you with real-life situations that come up in your dating life. Our Launch Your Dating Life program will provide you with personalized, customized advice for your individual questions. Talk with us in a 1:1 phone call (apply here), and we can see if the program is right for you.