10 signs you’re dealing with a female narcissist
Female narcissists are known for being emotionally abusive, and their male counterparts naturally take the brunt of their narcissistic behaviors.
Male and female narcissists engage in emotional narcissistic abuse, most often characterized by an extreme lack of empathy for others.
Today, we’re going to share some of the most common narcissistic traits and explore the toll they can take on their partners, especially regarding the mental health of introverted men.
Escaping or recovering from narcissistic abuse
If you find that many of the traits we’ll list in this post to be familiar to your situation, you may be a victim of a female narcissist, whether or not she has an official diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Now, let’s take a look at the signs that a woman may be a female narcissist.
1. She creates a volatile atmosphere
Maybe you enjoy some cycles of peace followed by other unpredictable cycles of chaos.
One second, you’re her hero and the next, you’re the world’s worst villain for a minor inconvenience or miscommunication.
This pattern is powerful by conditioning the victim to walk on eggshells and do anything to avoid another outburst. The fear, not knowing how she’ll react, and constant manipulation wear you down bit by bit as time goes on.
In this unstable and unpredictable environment, many partners of female narcissists find ways to “numb out” the pain and fear by drinking, smoking, playing video games, et cetera in order to escape the emotional roller coaster, all while holding onto the belief that their partner is a loving woman with their best interests at heart.
2. She lacks consistent, genuine friendships
Many female narcissists only keep “friends” around if they’re useful somehow.
Whether they do something for her, make her look good, or enable her behaviors, she’ll only consider them to be a friend as long as they fulfill a need of hers. Once they are no longer deemed to be useful in her eyes, she will be quick to cut off or end the friendship.
3. She leverages her sexuality to manipulate you
Unfortunately, many female narcissists weaponize their sexuality by rewarding behavior with sexual activity or withholding it as a way to punish their partners.
She may flirt with other men to make you feel jealous, and narcissism can also lend itself to unfaithfulness.
The main point about narcissists is that they don’t think of or care about the hurt they can cause others; they only care about their own desires with no regard for how their choices can impact others.
4. She lacks healthy boundaries
If you’re dating someone you think may be a narcissist, consider the following questions. Does she…
- Constantly read your emails, texts, and social media messages?
- Shamelessly search through your personal belongings?
- Take items that belong to you without asking?
- Insert herself into matters that have to do with your family or friends?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above, you may be dating a female narcissist. This type of woman feels entitled to use you, your friends and family, and your resources without asking and without you offering, and that’s a really big red flag.
5. She doesn’t have much empathy
When she causes someone else pain or discomfort in the pursuit of her own desires and happiness, does she feel any remorse, guilt, or shame?
If not, she may be a female narcissist.
In fact, she may even take her actions a step further.
Her jealousy towards others may even lead her to sabotage people she feels threatened by, by…
- Slandering, or
- Spreading rumors…
… all in an effort to knock someone down a few pegs and to make herself look better.
On the flip side, if someone she cares about is sick or needs help, she’ll be MIA.
If the female narcissist doesn’t get any benefit or praise out of a situation, she’ll likely be nowhere to be found.
6. She uses triangulation to manipulate and control others
Triangulation happens “when a person uses threats of exclusion or manipulation. The goal is to divide and conquer.”
“A form of manipulation, triangulation involves the use of indirect communication, often behind someone’s back.”
For example, she may become the middleman in all relationships she feels are “too close.” This puts her in the role of a puppeteer, pulling all the strings, which feeds her need for power and control.
This mean-spirited, controlling behavior is all the harder to recognize because it is often masked behind a seemingly soft, “sweet” demeanor.
7. She is frequently angry
A female narcissist can’t handle criticism or threats to her power. She’s a master of throwing fits of rage, and just as often, you’ll experience the opposite end of the spectrum with her extreme passive aggressiveness.
Do you think you’re dating a female narcissist? If so, you’ve probably noticed that she…
- Disguises an insult for you or others as a compliment,
- Humiliates you in front of other people, or
- Gives a look, tone, or silence in order to get you back under her control.
The most challenging part is that all of these behaviors are hidden behind her perfectly crafted image of innocence, making you look like the problem and her look like the victim.
8. She overwhelms you with her controlling tendencies
Do you ever feel like your whole life constantly revolves around her needs or bad moods?
There’s no room for what you desire, what your friends want, or what your family requests. It’s all about her, all the time.
The worst part is, you start to comply with her controlling nature after a while so that you can stop experiencing her fits of rage. She conditions you into a trap without you even knowing what is happening right in front of your eyes.
9. She refuses to be wrong
When she gets called out or caught in a lie, female narcissists are pros at…
- changing the subject, or
- flipping the situation so that you are at fault.
She’ll do whatever she has to, often talking over you, forcing tears, or disagreeing with you until you’re exhausted into compliance. She doesn’t follow logic or listen to reason.
She doesn’t believe that there’s any chance in the universe that she could be on the hook for doing or saying something wrong, and she will do anything in her power to shift the blame to someone or something else.
10. She gaslights you into questioning your experience
Gaslighting is defined as…
“Psychological manipulation that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”
The nature of this kind of abuse is tricky to identify early on. Here are a few examples:
- “I’m not yelling at you and I never would. I don’t think you understand what yelling is.”
- “That never happened and I can’t believe you would accuse me of that. You’re absurd for even thinking I could do something like that.”
- “I only get upset when you _____. Why do you always make me act like this?”
You can see the difficulty in navigating conversations like this, especially when they continue repeatedly over time.
The mark of a healthy woman and a healthy relationship is one in which both parties can own up to the mistakes they’ve made, work together to find good solutions, move forward, and strive to make the dating experience better for both people.
A female narcissist won’t do that with you. She can’t handle being wrong or receiving criticism, and the only way out of that type of situation is for her is to say “That didn’t happen!”, even when you both know very well that it did.
Conclusion on how to spot a female narcissist
Now that you know how to positively identify a female narcissist using the 10 signs we shared here today, you’ll be able to recognize if you are in a relationship like this and get out, or you’ll be able to avoid dating women like this in the future.
Your Next Steps
Here’s what to do next to make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving:
- For more advice on dating standards, read this article: 8 Dating And Relationship Standards For Introverted Men.
- Download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build your dating skills on a foundation of confidence!
- For more personalized support, consider our Become A Benevolent Badass program.
Becoming more empathetic, authentic, humble, and confident doesn’t mean changing who you are or subjecting yourself to any type of abuse. Developing your own unique vibe simply means becoming the best and truest version of yourself and expecting the same to be true of your partner.
To become your best and most confident self, consider Become A Benevolent Badass. Through our in-depth, personalized 1:1 coaching program, you will…
- Find your inner true north and deepest sense of self,
- Become your relaxed and playful best around others, and
- Rise up as an intentional social leader.
An additional note from all of us at Introverted Alpha
If you find that you are in an abusive relationship, we want to equip you with the right resources to get out. Please check out the resources in this article if any of what we shared above resonated with you.