How should you handle it when she doesn’t respond to your texts?
It’s a delicate situation when your date doesn’t text back.
Today we’re going to cover the two most likely explanations for the radio silence and, more importantly, how you should handle it.
So tell me this…
Have you ever had a great time with a woman only to be hit with gut-wrenching anxiety when she suddenly stops responding to your text messages? The whirlwind of worries can be endless:
“Did my last text seem needy? Is she legitimately busy, or just not interested? Did she have a horrible accident; should I call to make sure she’s okay?”
These fears are totally normal in the face of a complete unknown. That empty silence can drive even the most even-tempered man to imagine worst-case scenarios on a mental loop.
The first step is to relax!
If you let your imagination run away with you, not only can that drag you down and dramatically affect your mood, but it also might make you say or do something you’ll regret when you do eventually talk to her again.
A woman who has had a few really stressful and full days at work, for example, would likely think you’re overreacting if you tell her you were worried sick about her after just a few days of no contact.
How can you keep from letting those days of silence drag you down?
That’s what we’re about to explore.
In this post, we’ll discuss how to best…
- decide what likely explanations are relevant to your situation,
- accept that, without any contact from her, you may not get a definite explanation, and
- craft a great follow-up text that breaks the silence without seeming needy or overly concerned.
Once you have a grasp of how to navigate the situation and remain calm, you’ll be able to move forward knowing you’ve done your best and the ball is in her court.
Why is it important to keep your cool when she doesn’t text back?
When you can take a step back, breathe, and remember that there are perfectly valid reasons for a person to not answer the phone for a few days, that is a breath of fresh air.
It interrupts that pesky cycle of worry and doubt.
You can set aside the fear that you did something wrong, or that maybe she’s in a coma somewhere, as unlikely reasons for the silence and simply allow reality to reveal itself.
Now, let’s figure out where you can go from here.
Remember that something could have happened.
This does not necessarily mean there was a crisis, or that you should start calling local hospitals and asking for patients with her name.
She could have the flu, be swamped with work, or be facing a challenge with family or a loved one that has her feeling utterly incapable of forming a coherent text message at the moment.
Maybe she’s waiting until things have calmed down so she doesn’t risk of messing things up with you by coming across as harried and frayed around the edges.
This doesn’t mean she’s not into you, especially if you’ve only been on a date or two by this point.
The one exception to that rule would be if the two of you are way past the beginning phase of dating and are entering into more serious territory. In that case, disappearing for a few days with no explanation can be rude and concerning behavior in a potential serious partner.
If you think it’s possible something could be keeping her from answering the phone, give her the benefit of the doubt for a few days. Work stress, family emergencies and sick children, illnesses, and yes, even lost phones and lapses of technology all can and do happen from time to time.
In the meantime, stay strong by focusing on…
(a) relaxing any worries that you may be at fault for her disappearing, and
(b) wait til you find out what happened before second-guessing the connection y’all shared.
Until more than a few days have passed, delay jumping to conclusions.
Let reality reveal itself.
Or, maybe she doesn’t feel the connection yet.
You’re tied up in knots about her not answering because you feel that special connection that ties the two of you together. Doesn’t she feel it too?
Not necessarily. At least, not yet.
Just because one person develops those feelings early on does not mean it happens for both partners at the same time.
If more than a few days have passed at this point and she doesn’t seem to be making an effort to contact you, it’s possible she isn’t as enthralled as you thought she was.
Again, the best reaction here is not to panic.
Don’t swear off further dates because she isn’t throwing pebbles against your bedroom window to get your attention. Some women, especially women who have been through hurtful relationships in the past, like to take their time and ease into romance.
Not everyone finds the head-over-heels, can’t-be-without-each-other style of relationship appealing. A lot of women find that taking it slow at the beginning of relationships helps them maintain a healthy sense of independence in their own lives.
It’s worth sending a follow-up text, as we’ll cover in our next point.
If she sees potential for the two of you moving forward, she will likely answer a carefully-crafted and tactful message after a while.
So how do you strike that perfect balance?
Here’s what to do.
If a woman you have just started dating stops responding, the last thing you want to do is fly off the handle and send a dozen “where are you??” text messages.
That’s not our best look. ;)
Few women will respond favorably to a guy who comes across as needy, clingy, or desperate… and despite your best intentions, that’s exactly the image you may be portraying if you send text after text until she responds.
Since you can’t determine the reason she has been silent without talking to her, your response should be the same in either scenario we’ve covered:
Send one calm message with a positive tone.
You can go for the direct, bold approach or keep it lighthearted and inconsequential.
Just keep it short and positive.
Take one of these examples and tweak it to your own style:
- “Hey, just checking in! I really enjoyed seeing you last time. Drinks Friday?”
- “Hope your week is going well! I wanted to share a couple of photos from my hike this morning since I know you love nature. :)”
- “I don’t know about you, but I could definitely go for some great Italian. Interested in dinner this Saturday?”
This is awesome because your name will pop up on her phone and be associated with positive emotions:
- You enjoyed seeing her.
- You’re living a happy, independent life even when you’re not talking to her. This is ideal regardless of how it comes across, just for your own mental and emotional health.
- You have some fun things planned and you’d love it if she joined you.
Then, your invitation for another date is a laid-back way of letting her know you would appreciate it if she responded to you.
Don’t pressure her or mention how you’ve been upset by her disappearance. Stay away from negatives entirely for this message.
After you hit send, put the phone down. Immerse yourself in something you love, and put that phone on silent for a while.
What if she still doesn’t text back?
If she chooses not to respond, you can move forward knowing you did everything you could.
You showed her you care and would love to see her again, but in a confident way, not a needy one. The ball is officially in her court now.
If it’s still radio silence from here on out, it wasn’t meant to be. Move on with your own life knowing you were bold, courageous, and undeterred by the risk of rejection. You don’t have to keep waiting by the phone and guessing.
Above all, by sending that message, you will be very clear that you’re not playing mind games. She will either answer or she won’t. Either way, you aren’t waiting around for someone who thinks ghosting is a viable option.
Enforcing your own personal boundaries of how you wish to be treated is an enormously important part of finding a healthy relationship.
Practicing this now is a great tool and learning experience for the future, even if it hurts at the moment.
Conclusion on what to do if she doesn’t text back for days.
Now that you understand the possible reasons for your date’s lack of text messages and what you can do to handle the situation with grace, you can leave the mental loop of doubts behind.
Let’s recap what we covered today:
- Acknowledging that sometimes life gets in the way and that maybe she just hasn’t had a chance to respond,
- Accepting that the connection may not be as developed yet as you’d hoped, and
- Sending a positive text message to break the silence and invite her to join you in the future.
If you need more help with staying positive and not letting the foggy unknowns of dating weigh on your mind, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
Also, consider joining our Launch Your Dating Life program to receive 1:1 advice for your own personal dating situation. With a private phone call (apply here), we can determine together whether the program is right for you.