Wondering what not to say on a first date? We’ve got you covered.
A first date is like a stepping stone. In order to get to the second date and beyond, you have to complete the first date.
When done right, first dates can be an exciting and fun experience that the two of you can reminisce about on your twentieth anniversary.
Notice how we just said “exciting and fun” instead of “nerve-wracking and stressful?”
Take notes, because that’s going to be the theme of today’s post.
We’ll be talking about how…
- avoiding negative statements and
- reframing those statements as positive ones
… makes all the difference in your dating life, and in all other areas of your life, too!
The key is to know what not to say on a first date and understand what you should say instead.
Before we jump in, let’s talk about the “why.”
Why is it important to know what to say and what not to say on a first date?
You probably understand that you have many great qualities. After all, you’ve lived with yourself your whole life, so you know what all your strengths are.
Just because you might succumb to negativity every once in a while doesn’t mean you’re a negative person; it just means you’re human!
However, your date hasn’t lived in your mind for your whole life. To her, you’re a blank slate. What you show her in those initial impressionable moments helps her form her first opinion of you.
If you vent to her after a challenging day at work, she has no way of knowing that’s an unusual reaction from you, and you’re most often a ray of optimistic sunshine.
It’s up to you to choose your words carefully.
Now, let’s dive in and talk about what not to say on a first date.
What’s the number one thing you must not say on a first date? Answer: anything negative.
How would you feel if you sat down to dinner with a beautiful woman, yet she spent the entire evening lamenting about her troubles?
You might feel tempted to charge her for the therapy session. More than likely, a second date wouldn’t be high on your priority list.
Likewise, you can imagine how your date would feel if you were to unload your less than positive feelings on her before she had a chance to see the attractive, fun sides of your personality.
A first date is a time to choose your words purposefully. You’re forming first impressions of each other and judging how you feel in the presence of the other person.
If you create a negative vibe during this time, she might feel uncomfortable instead of excited to be with you.
You can imagine how that’s less than optimal, especially if your goal is to be honest and open with her.
However, as we’ll cover later on in this post, there are much better ways to show your openness and honesty than by broadcasting your negative thoughts and emotions.
Here are some specific examples of what not to say on a first date.
If you’re feeling a bit confused at this point, that’s okay.
After all, what counts as negativity? Doesn’t everyone experience challenges and struggles in their lives? Wouldn’t it be dishonest to pretend like everything is perfect?
To better answer these questions, let’s first take a look at some of the common things people might say on first dates that probably wouldn’t go over well. Then, we’ll talk about how you can indeed talk about these scenarios in a positive way instead of a negative one.
Think of the following list as examples of things that might run through your mind if you’re not “on top of the world” at the moment. These specific scenarios may not apply to your life, so you can substitute in whichever challenge you face that makes you feel negative sometimes.
While this list is not comprehensive, it’s a good starting point for what NOT to say on a first date (or any date, for that matter):
- “I lost my job last week, and I’m feeling pretty depressed about it. I might have to move back in with my parents, which will really be awful.”
- “You’re way out of my league! I’m just an out-of-shape guy who always thinks about working out and never follows through.”
- “Ugh! Look at that woman over there. Do you think she realizes her hair looks like that?”
- “Why do you pick at your food like that? Picky eaters annoy me.”
While it’s okay to have the occasional troublesome thought, these are things you definitely don’t want to say out loud when you’re just getting to know someone new.
In fact, making a point to think positively goes much deeper than simply coming across better on dates.
That’s because your thought patterns are the bedrock upon which the rest of your life is built. Sooner or later, your thoughts become your words and actions, and your words and actions become your reality.
In the long-term, it’s beneficial if you work on automatically reframing negative thoughts as positive ones by default.
So, here’s what you can say instead!
Let’s be clear. Honesty is definitely important, especially when you’re getting to know each other to see whether you’d be a compatible match for a lifelong relationship.
Therefore, you don’t want to lie or omit important details in the pursuit of staying positive all the time.
What you do want to do is work on reframing your current challenges as obstacles to be overcome.
Explain to your date the things you’re working on in your life. Then fill her in on how exactly you’re working on those things.
It’s incredibly attractive when a man can open up and be honest about his current situation while facing his challenges with a positive mindset.
That approach conveys strength, determination, optimism, and a host of other super desirable traits.
Let’s continue on with the examples from the previous section.
Instead of the above, you could say…
- “Unfortunately, I lost my job last week. Thankfully though, I have a wonderful and supportive family who offered to help me out while I get back on my feet. I have a pretty in-demand skill set and a lot of options on the table, and I won’t rest until I’ve secured my next job.”
- “You’re beautiful, smart, and driven. I’m impressed! Maybe we can go to the gym together sometime and you can teach me some things! I’d love to learn more about fitness.”
There’s no need to put down someone else. Instead, say nothing or look for a genuine compliment that you can say about someone.
Definitely don’t criticize your date! If you find yourself having critical thoughts about her, say nothing, and simply don’t set up a second date.
Short of life’s true tragedies, you can reframe almost any negative situation into a positive opportunity if you practice it enough.
Conclusion on what not to say on a first date:
Now you understand how projecting positivity shows your date that you are a confident, capable, and fun person to be around!
To recap, all you need to do is…
- recognize negative thoughts and
- turn them into positive opportunities instead.
For help with how to do this, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
Having a difficult time getting past the first date despite your effort to keep things positive? Or, perhaps you’re experiencing another dating challenge you could really use some help with. Happily, you can receive exactly the personalized help that will move you forward beautifully with our customized Launch Your Dating Life program. Talk with us in a 1:1 phone call (apply here), and we can see if it’s the right fit to work together!