Online Dating Messages That Work With The Best Women

How to get women to respond to your messages

The wonderful thing about online dating is that you can connect with way more potential matches than you normally would in your daily life.

It’s also a laid-back way to practice conversational skills that translate beautifully into real-life interactions!

However, many introverted men have shared with us that they struggle to send effective messages to women online. They either don’t get a response at all, or when they do, the conversation can seem flat.

If that sounds familiar, you’re in the right place.

Today, we’re sharing our fool-proof formula for online dating messages that work, as well as other tips for establishing great connections!


The intersection of online dating and personal confidence

Once you’ve sent a message through one of the online dating sites or apps out there like Bumble or Hinge, it’s normal to feel a bit nervous.

Hitting “send” involves making yourself vulnerable to rejection. Without a foundation of unshakeable confidence, it can be easy to lose sight of your growth mindset.

When you’re rooted in your identity and what makes you uniquely attractive, you can approach every online conversation as a wonderful learning opportunity with exciting potential to blossom into a fulfilling connection.

That’s why we created this free 22-page ebook, so you can send an online dating first message with confidence and curiosity instead of fear or worry!

Download it here so you can read it after you finish this post.

Now, let’s dive in!


The 3-step formula for online dating messages that work

We love this simple formula because it’s customizable, personable, and authentic:

  1. Awesome X.
  2. You seem Y.
  3. I like that because Z.

When you notice a specific detail about her and develop the conversation from there, you prove that you…

  • care enough to pay attention to her profile, bio, and/or photos,
  • think deeply and proactively, and
  • are interested in forming a real connection.

Starting with what you like about her shows her that you’re respectful of her time and confident in what you’re looking for. It also opens all kinds of options for her response, so she’ll feel both flattered AND excited to respond!


The 3-step formula in action

Even with a step-by-step formula, it can be helpful to have a tangible example. Here are two ways the 3-step formula could be applied to write online dating messages that work!

  1. Hi Angelica. That’s a great photo of you in your art studio. You seem like you’re very creative. I like that. I’ve taken some painting classes and really enjoyed them!
  2. Hey there, Morgan. I noticed that you’re into volleyball (me too!). You seem like a very athletic and sociable person. I like that because health and fitness are so important!

All you have to do to adapt this formula to fit your message is look at her online dating profile, find something interesting, and let her know why you like that.

It’s much more personal and interesting than a “Hey, how are you?” message! Just think… which one would you be more excited to respond to?


Quick tips to for online dating messages that work

If you ever find yourself on a dating app like Bumble or LoveAwake looking at an empty message box and the words won’t come, here are a few quick tips to help you get started:

  • Refer back to our 3-step formula above.
  • Keep your tone light and positive.
  • Mention something that caught your attention (maybe her favorite movie or the book she’s reading).
  • Ask a thoughtful question (maybe about one of her interests).
  • Find common ground as quickly as possible.
  • Share a joke or pun if you’re feeling playful.
  • Get a little flirty (but keep it PG!).
  • Establish rapport, and then steer the conversation toward planning a date.

Ultimately, the most important thing you can do to send online dating messages that work with the best women is this: tailor your message specifically for her.

You wouldn’t copy-paste a generic resume and send it to a potential employer, and the same rules apply here. If you want to be someone worth responding to, show her why you think she’s someone worth paying attention to.

When you begin your conversation with a personalized, authentic approach, you’ll love the results!


Final thoughts on messaging women online

Man Holding Phone - Online Dating Messages That WorkCrafting that perfect message doesn’t have to feel like rocket science. It’s as simple as following the breezy 3-step formula and tips we shared today!

Now that you know how to send online messages that work, you can enjoy the unique responses and connections that are sure to follow.

For more helpful tips on online dating conversation, check out these articles:

Ready for your next steps?!

First, download our free ebook to find out what makes you uniquely attractive to women!

Next, check out our personalized program, Launch Your Dating Life.

This program will guide you step-by-step as you start dating, so you can…

  • Be and feel sexually attractive,
  • Meet and connect with great women, and
  • Get numbers and go on dates.

This 1:1 coaching program has helped many introverted men like you experience dating success while staying true to themselves. Learn more and apply here!

Micayla from IA
Micayla from IA
Micayla is resident writer here at Introverted Alpha, which is known as the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of our 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts with Finding Your Own Vibe.

Introverted Alpha Ebook

In this powerful free 22-page ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts And What Works Instead,” you will uncover… 

–> 3-step exercise to find what makes you uniquely attractive

–> Why the “pickup artist” approach will never work for introverts and what works instead

–> How to attract women naturally being your best self

"I love how personalized and caring you guys are at Introverted Alpha! It's so wholesome and refreshing." - I.L.

"I especially like how you’re a strong alternative to short-term, shallow PUA tactics." - K.K.

Recent Articles

Leaving Already?

Before You Go...

Schedule a call with us to improve your dating life immediately.

Couple In Love - IA Academy - Introverted Alpha

Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts With Finding Your Own Vibe.

In this powerful free 22-page ebook, "Why PUA Doesn't Work for Introverts And What Works Instead," you will uncover...


--> A 3-step exercise to find what makes you uniquely attractive
--> Why the “pickup artist” approach will never work for introverts and what works instead

--> How to attract women naturally being your best self

We respect your privacy; we do not sell or share your email address.

Introverted Alpha Ebook

Yes, please send my ebooks!

You can send them to...

Yes, please send my ebook!

You can send it to...

Scroll to Top