How can introverts meet new, fun people?
It can be tough to make friends outside of work!
Introverted, analytical guys who devote so much time and energy to doing a great job at their career or school often find they don’t have much energy left at the end of the week for social activities.
Even when you do gather the motivation, where are you supposed to look for friends, besides your coworkers or classmates?
If your social needs are not being fulfilled through work and you’re coming up empty on ideas for how to grow your circle of friends, this post is for you!
Today, we’ll cover…
- hosting events, and why this can be a game-changer for you,
- using your existing connections to make even more connections, and
- leveraging apps as valuable tools for boosting your dating life in particular.
First, let’s take a step back and talk about why this post’s focus is on friendship instead of only on dating.
Why do I need to worry about making friends if my main concern is dating?
Here at Introverted Alpha, we write a lot on solving dating problems for introverts because we know it’s a subject near and dear to y’all’s hearts.
But if you take a step back and look at the whole picture, dating is only one aspect of maintaining a healthy and fulfilling social life.
Friends are our support systems, our vibrant and joyful connections, and our loyal advocates.
Not to mention, learning how to form close connections with friends is the basis for forming an intimate relationship with a woman.
When you think about it, what is a long-term relationship besides a close friendship with romantic and sexual elements added in?
Above and beyond building your social skills and your confidence in making and maintaining meaningful connections, adding to your social circle has another benefit as well:
What if that great friend you made in your weekend jiu-jitsu class introduces you to his lovely and intelligent sister who just happens to share your passion for restoring classic cars?
In other words, friendships often open unexpected and wonderful new doors!
Now, let’s jump in and talk about concrete things you can do to widen your social circle and make friends outside of work.
Consider hosting events.
Bear with me; this is much more doable than you may think and brings great rewards!
You don’t have to jump into the deep end and invite twenty people over for a dinner party at your house. In fact, that would probably be counterproductive.
Instead, wade into the shallow end and build new social habits gradually. The goal is to do this in a way that will be genuinely fun, which will provide motivation for you to want to continue.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Invite a small group to trivia night at your local bar. True, bar trivia may not be a burning passion in your life. But it’s an easy crowd-pleaser, people know what to expect, and the pressure is not on you to host or provide entertainment.
- Keep track of local events, and use social media to set up invitations that go out to your peripheral social circle. Think wine tastings, festivals, holiday events, concerts and live music, museum exhibits, or whatever strikes your fancy!
- If you’ve been wanting to set up your own Meetup group based on your interests, go for it! This would of course allow the general public to join your event, so only do this if it’s already speaking to you! But, that comes with the benefit of welcoming people you probably never would have met into your life.
As an introvert, you may be wondering why the very first step of this post is asking you to blast out of your comfort zone and become the center of a social event. And yes, at first it might not feel like the most natural thing to do.
It can be hard to get into the groove of…
a) scheduling time for social activities when you really just want to use your weekends to recharge,
b) keeping up the habit of being social once the novelty has worn off, and
c) working up the nerve to invite a bunch of people in the first place.
However, this is a case of risk versus reward.
- You may feel a little awkward hosting an event when you haven’t had much practice at it.
The rewards? (So many!)
- You remain in control of your social schedule. The event will happen at a convenient time for you, because you scheduled it that way.
- People are naturally attracted to the person “in charge.” At an event you’ve set up, that person is you! Your guests will go out of their way to talk to you as their host.
- You will have taken charge and initiated an event where people have fun. That success will be empowering, and your confidence will increase with it!
- Your guests are likely to include you in their invitations to events they host. This because they now know you better from attending one of your events. It can open up delightful doors when you take the first step to extend the hand of friendship.
With some practice, you might even find that you prefer being the one in charge of initiating social events.
Use your connections to make new connections.
The people you already know are valuable resources toward the goal of meeting other people.
As we covered in the previous step, you will likely find yourself on the receiving end of invitations from grateful guests of events you’ve hosted.
That can open up opportunities to attend parties and other activities where you’ll meet even more people, with whom you already have something personal in common (knowing the host!).
You can also think a little smaller and use everyday conversations as useful stepping stones.
Talk to your existing friends about how to meet people.
Perhaps one of your friends made several great connections by joining an improv group you have never heard of. If you make the effort to ask when the topic comes up naturally, they may mention potential leads like this!
Friendships are reciprocal in nature.
And you can team up with your existing friends to widen both of your circles!
For example, it could be that one of your friends struggles with meeting new people as well, but that he comes up against obstacles in a totally different area than you do.
Perhaps he has plenty of great ideas about events to attend, but he lacks the confidence to go there alone. And, maybe you have gathered the confidence to get out there and make new friends, but you can’t think of anywhere to go this Friday night.
In this example, the two of you would make the perfect team. Put your heads together and come up with a great new plan.
Unifying as a team and working against a problem you have in common can help you bond even more deeply.
From that point, it’s an easy segue to circle back around and invite this friend to your next get-together!
And if your main goal is to find new women to date?
For many introverted guys, making new friends can feel like a means to an end of meeting women they can potentially date.
It’s okay to have a two-in-one reason or goal for what you do!
You can definitely still follow the other tips to make new friends. And don’t forget that modern technology is also on your side to help you with dating specifically.
If you’re an introvert who struggles with carving out enough social time on the weekends, don’t shy away from dating apps. Meeting women online can be a great way of expanding your dating (and overall social) horizons.
Keep in mind…
- One advantage to online dating is that you can weed out potential matches based on criteria like smoking habits, religion, and politics without having to spend the time in social situations that go nowhere. For introverts, creating this saved time feels like gold.
- You have a much bigger pool of exposure that includes all of the women on the app. You are not limited to your pool of real-life friends or contacts.
- It can be less intimidating to message someone online than to approach her in person, even at a party you’ve hosted. That’s why online dating can be such a great stepping stone.
One more thing…
Some guys get discouraged when it feels like “nobody” is on the app they have chosen. If you hit a wall, remember that your success WILL change when your profile improves. Consider letting us help you with this!
Online dating can be a fantastic tool in your toolbox when it comes to meeting new women to date. And making platonic friends is wonderful, too.
Technology can make everything seem easier and more straightforward. Plus, you can gain a lot by folding in the other strategies we discussed as well!
Conclusion on how to make friends outside of work
Making new connections doesn’t have to feel like an insurmountable obstacle when you’re an introvert.
If you’re willing to push the boundaries of your comfort zone and challenge yourself to take initiative, the rewards will likely far outweigh the risk.
Let’s recap the best ways to make friends outside of work:
- Explore hosting events,
- Talk to your existing friends about ideas for meeting new people, and
- For meeting women directly, up-level your online dating approach.
When you’re ready to elevate your dating and social skills to an even higher level, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
For even more help and advice customized to your exact situation, consider our Launch Your Dating Life program. Once you see how the course is organized and the level of 1:1 support you receive, you can apply to discuss it here. On the phone together, we can see if the program is right for you!