“I value loyalty highly. How can I find a girlfriend who fits with my values?”
Whether they realize it or not, most people have a few key qualities they’re looking for in their ideal partner.
“I want someone with a stable job and a good sense of humor,”
“I’d like intense physical attraction, excitement, and a zest for life from my ideal spouse.”
Qualities like loyalty, integrity, and honesty often get left off of the list because… well, they’re obviously important. Without those things, who cares if your partner is a model who earns six figures?
And yet, few people keep qualities like loyalty at the forefront of their minds when searching for a partner.
Today, we’ll be cutting out the extraneous stuff and honing in on what really matters: how you can attract a loyal girlfriend and build a healthy relationship with her.
We’ll talk about…
- identifying your personal definition of what loyalty means to you,
- becoming your own ideal partner, and
- taking a long-term approach toward healthy relationships instead of turning to quick-fixes.
Grab your SCUBA gear, because today we’re going to get deep.
Why is it so important to find a loyal girlfriend?
You want to find your “forever” relationship, right?
Someone who you can grow old with, sipping lemonade in your rocking chairs (or going skydiving and rock climbing in your golden years).
There are plenty of characteristics you might want in a long-term partner, and plenty that you’ll need to have yourself. Out of all of the characteristics that could be on your list, one of the most important ones is loyalty.
With loyalty comes trust, and that’s the backbone of a healthy relationship that lasts.
Without loyalty and trust, there would be no foundation on which to build the rest of your relationship.
Now, let’s get to the “how-to.”
First, visualize your ideal, loyal girlfriend.
How would she act?
What things would she do that would prove her loyalty to you?
For example, thinking about “loyalty” in a relationship often conjures the word “fidelity” as a counterpart.
Chances are, you’re looking for a monogamous and exclusive relationship, so that makes sense. Part of her loyalty to you would be staying faithful in the long term, even in the face of temptation.
But loyalty can go so much deeper than that.
- Do you want your girlfriend to always have your back (at least publicly; privately you can of course discuss your issues before coming together as a team)?
- Do you want to act as a united front with your partner?
- Perhaps you want someone who believes in you and who knows without any doubt that you can achieve your goals?
- Do you want someone who uses that unwavering belief to encourage you to reach for the moon when you have trouble believing in yourself?
- Or maybe you want someone supportive of your daily decisions and your major life choices?
Put together a list of ideal characteristics that signal “loyalty” to you.
This list could look totally different from anyone else’s, so dig deep and find what’s important to you.
Now, BE that person.
We know, this article is about attracting a loyal girlfriend rather than becoming a loyal boyfriend. Hang in there.
You just described your ideal partner’s values. In order to be her ideal partner as well, you’ll need to mirror those values.
Here’s the thing. In the dating world, like often attracts like (even despite the adage that opposites attract).
Think about the unfortunate pairings you see in relationships around you:
- People with psychological damage and abusive pasts often find themselves repeating those patterns in every new relationship.
- Those with absent mothers or fathers might unconsciously continually seek approval from their partners to satisfy a void that was never filled in childhood.
- People who have trouble staying loyal to their partners will tend to attract others who don’t prioritize loyalty, in themselves or in a partner.
Happily, if you make the effort to heal any trauma you may be dealing with (and everyone has something), you can elevate yourself into the positive cycle that’s on the other side.
Don’t believe it? Do the opposite of the above exercise.
Picture the happiest couples you know. Even fictional ones count!
What do they do for each other? How do they treat each other? They still struggle with problems occasionally, of course. However, do they tackle those problems together, with a strong sense of loyalty that binds them into a team?
For a goofy but helpful look at loyalty portrayed in a happy fictional relationship, check out this article on Gomez and Morticia Addams.
If you want a loyal girlfriend who will be your partner in all things, you must return the favor and be the healthy, whole person who you want to find.
Think of it in terms of earning a loyal girlfriend instead of merely attracting one.
In terms of actually catching her interest, that tends to take care of itself as long as you…
- live by your own ideal principles, and
- take an active role in your dating life (meaning, actually go on dates, and we can help here!).
The right match will see the way you live your life, appreciate your loyalty for the treasure it is, and recognize when she is a great match with you. And you will recognize the same thing in her because you see it in yourself.
It’s like a giant magnet where your awesomeness attracts her awesomeness and vice versa, and suddenly you’re in a healthy relationship and marveling at how things worked out so beautifully.
Use some practical ways to actually accomplish this goal.
If it were as simple as waking up and saying to the world “I’m going to be mentally healthy and act like a functional adult today!” everyone would do it.
As with all things that require personal growth, turning yourself into the male version of the ideal, loyal girlfriend you want to attract will take some time and effort.
You may be starting from a great place. Maybe you have most of it down, you just need to figure out how to land some dates in order to display your awesome characteristics to potential matches.
Or you may struggle with a number of obstacles.
If you come from a history of trauma, that’s okay. Many (most?) people do.
When you make an effort to heal and give yourself the proper time to do so, you absolutely can get to a healthy place and attract a loyal girlfriend who appreciates how much work you have put into yourself.
Drop the stigma (seriously, no one will judge you for talking to a therapist, and it can do a world of good), shop around for someone you love talking to, and get to work.
Experiment with journaling.
Sit down and write your thoughts out. Do it every day or at least most days. Don’t worry about making it sound pretty, just open your mind up and stream-of-consciousness flow some words onto the page.
You might be surprised at how writing your thoughts allows you to recognize patterns, impose a structure, and recognize goals you didn’t even know you wanted to work toward.
Whenever you find yourself having thoughts or falling into habits that you would deem disloyal (because they contradict the list of ideals you came up with in step 1)…
Call yourself out.
No one is perfect, and you shouldn’t expect yourself to be.
But changing any sort of personality characteristic (like building up your own sense of loyalty) requires you to recognize when you’re acting contrary to your goals and make the active decision to change your behavior to align yourself with those goals.
You can hone this skill if you…
Practice loyalty with your friends.
Say you have a friend going through a rough patch at work. You know this friend has a history of running his mouth, so your first thought is that he must have gotten himself in trouble.
Instead of confronting him about that, reframe your thinking. You love your friend, right? You want to be loyal to him.
Listen to what he has to say, keep an open mind, and place the health of your friendship over (meaningless, at the end of the day) things like being right or getting the last word.
Practicing being a supportive friend will strengthen those habits. Soon, you’ll find yourself listening compassionately on dates, and women will recognize that and be attracted to it. Plus, your friendships will likely benefit, too!
This might go without saying, but…
When you’re actively dating, part of the process is learning how you can narrow down the pool of potential matches into a small handful that you’d actually want to date.
Since you’re prioritizing loyalty while looking for a girlfriend, don’t forget to keep that goal in mind as you date.
Enforce your boundaries by declining further dates with women who you feel would not make a loyal girlfriend, and take a particular interest in ones who seem promising.
Remember, if you’re coming into this from a good place (meaning, you’d be a loyal boyfriend and supportive partner), then you’re a total catch. Don’t be afraid to hold out for the right woman to come along!
Conclusion on how to attract a loyal girlfriend:
Contrary to the stories you might find on dating forums and websites, there are lots of loyal, loving women out there. The trick to attracting and keeping the perfect woman for you is to also be her perfect match.
You can attract a loyal girlfriend by…
- understanding what loyalty actually means to you so you can recognize it when you see it,
- building these traits in yourself so you’re attractive to women who prioritize loyalty, and
- enforcing your boundaries by holding out for a woman who fits the bill.
As we mentioned earlier, loyalty is just one of many important traits to cultivate in order to find a healthy relationship. Get a clear picture of where you stand with the rest of them by downloading our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
Concerned you’ll have trouble following the last step about enforcing your boundaries until you find the right woman? You’re far from alone in that. Learn to overcome your people-pleasing tendencies and stick to who you truly are with our Magnetic Confidence program. (Join here!)