“How do I make sure she still wants to meet up?”
Learning how to confirm a date without sounding desperate is part of the subtle art of dating.
Yes, you do always want to confirm a date ahead of time, even if other folks tell you otherwise.
Confirming your date is polite, it shows interest, it avoids miscommunications, and it puts your mind at ease.
Today’s post will walk you through several great tips on how to verify that you’re still meeting up with your date as planned.
We’ll talk about…
- assuming the best so you sound positive and upbeat,
- using specifics to avoid mishaps, and
- building anticipation if the conversation naturally leans that way.
Before we jump into that, let’s discuss why you might be worried about sounding “desperate” in the first place.
Why might you be concerned about how to confirm a date without sounding desperate?
The line between the “right” way and the “wrong” way to do things in dating can feel blurrier than it needs to be.
Do you wait three days to call after a successful date, or is that antiquated?
Is playing hard to get a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it needy to confirm a date?
To make matters more complicated, the answers to these questions often vary depending on individual preferences.
Here’s the thing, though. Do you want to be in a relationship where you have to play games like this in order to hold her interest? Where you second-guess every move you make and worry that maybe you shouldn’t have sent that last text message?
That makes dating not fun.
Relationships that are fun and that last in the long-term are based on the kind of honesty and openness that leads to a deep connection.
That’s why it’s almost always best to be clear and open with your intentions and your questions from the start.
If you want to know if you’re still on for your date tonight, don’t silently agonize and wonder…
Now, let’s dive in and figure out how to confirm a date without sounding desperate.
1. Use the straightforward approach.
You can text something as simple as, “Hey, I just wanted to confirm that we’re still on for tonight!”
That’s about as neutral and un-needy as you can get! It also assumes the best (that you are indeed still on for tonight).
An example of what you would want to avoid is a message that puts pressure or negativity on her.
If you’re thinking of typing…
- “I know you’re super busy. It’s okay if you want to cancel.”
- “I haven’t heard much from you. Have you lost interest in meeting up tonight?”
- “Let me know if you change your mind…”
… hit delete and put the phone down for a second.
The straightforward, neutral/positive approach truly is best, even if your mind is flooded with doubt.
She doesn’t need to know you are feeling anxious that she might cancel because it’s been three hours since she read your text and she hasn’t replied yet.
All she needs to know is that you’re still planning to meet her and you’re politely confirming that she’s on board with that plan.
2. Include specifics.
Imagine this scenario:
You had a fun but meandering text conversation a few nights ago, where you both agreed it would be awesome to see a concert. Oh, and also dinner sounds great sometime!
Later, she mentioned she’s free Friday.
In your mind, you’re meeting at 7pm on Friday for dinner and then heading to the concert afterward.
Perhaps in her mind, though, she never confirmed that both of those activities were happening on the same date, so she might look up the concert schedule and plan to meet you there at 8:30.
You’re both interested in meeting up, but the miscommunication will lead to you both showing up at the wrong place and the wrong time. Oops!
Happily, it’s super easy to rectify this situation before it happens.
As you send your straightforward text message, toss some specifics in there.
“Hey, I just wanted to confirm that we’re planning to meet up at Bob’s Bistro at 7. You can follow me or let me escort you to the concert afterward. It’s a short drive. :)”
3. Use positive assumptions.
Happy, upbeat texts are pleasant to receive.
It’s not your job to suss out whether she’s interested by asking probing (i.e. needy) questions.
Assume the best!
You’ll be able to gauge her feelings based on the temperature of her response.
If you send something like…
“So on our date tonight, I thought it would be fun to stop by and see if that old music shop you mentioned is still there. Sound good to you?”
If she answers “Heck yeah!” you know she’s probably interested. ;)
Moreover, sending a message like this shows that you were listening when she said she used to love the old music shop downtown, and that you’re willing to go out of your way to do something she’ll enjoy.
It’s a whole bunch of positive messages packed into one short text.
4. Pay attention to timing.
It does make a difference what you say, but it can also make a difference when you say it.
If you confirm the date too early (say, two days before), you risk spending the next two days wondering if she’ll change her mind in the vast, endless time before your date.
If you confirm too late (an hour before), she may not even see your message in time to answer.
Plus you’ll probably already be psyched up, showered, and ready to go by that point.
It’s better to use a timely approach.
Consider sending your confirmation text the night before or mid-morning the day of. This gives her plenty of time to respond, plenty of time for you to prepare and get ready, and plenty of time for both of you to get excited.
And speaking of excitement…
5. Build the anticipation.
Often, a simple confirmation is all the communication that is needed. If she responds to your message with a brief “Yes, we’re on for tonight,” leave it at that.
Sometimes, though, you’ll be able to tell when she’s in the mood to keep the conversation going.
If her response is more on par with a “Yep, I can’t wait. ;)” this opens a door of opportunity for you.
It’s time to get your flirt on!
Put yourself into a super confident mindset.
You know she’s as psyched for this date as you are (because she just told you!).
Her pictures are stunning, the conversation has been engaging, and the chemistry between you already feels palpable. Go with it!
Pack as much fun tension and anticipation into the lead-up time as possible.
Get flirty, but not crude. If this is the first time you’ll be meeting, this is not the time to be overtly sexual. Instead, prep the stage for her mind to fill in the blanks.
Subtlety works wonders.
Try something like…
“If tonight goes well, I’m very much looking forward to what we might do for a second date.”
She’ll wonder if you mean things like going to an amusement park, or… ???
You get the idea.
You could also send a picture of yourself dressed well and looking your best and use the excuse “So you can recognize me tonight. ;)”
You’ll know your flirtatious texts have landed if she responds in kind. If not, cool off and simply look forward to a respectful and enjoyable date later on.
6. Keep her posted.
Thus far, you’ve been assuming the best, and it’s been sunshine and roses. You feel confident that you’ve figured out how to confirm a date without sounding desperate.
What if something happens that throws a wrench into your plans?
If you’re finishing up at work when your boss walks in and reminds you of your meeting that will last until six, but you’ve still got to head home and shower before your date at seven, you might be feeling the time crunch.
Rather than racing like mad and stressing about every tick of the clock, politely notify her of the situation.
Send a message like…
“I have a surprise work meeting until 6, but my plan is to head home and get ready and meet you by 7. I promise I will let you know if I run a bit behind schedule!”
You’re being courteous by telling her you might need a few extra minutes, and you’re showing her that you value her time.
If you have yet to confirm your date, you can actually use this message to start that conversation.
It leaves the door open for her to say either…
“Great, keep me in the loop! I’ll be waiting. ;)” if she’s feeling it,
“Actually, if you’re super busy we can do it another night,” if she’s pressed for time too.
7. If she asks to reschedule, be graceful.
If you get a message saying she can’t make it tonight and suddenly your heart feels like it’s in your stomach, press pause for a second. Put the phone down before you respond.
Yes, you wanted to meet up with her, and now it’s understandable if you feel disappointed. But you can’t automatically assume that this is an outright rejection. (It might be, but don’t jump to that conclusion yet.)
Instead, return to the default of assuming the best.
Her reason for cancelling will vary. You may hear something like, “I’m so sorry, I had a last minute thing come up with work. Can we reschedule?”
You can handle that with confidence and grace.
“No problem, I hope it goes well! Let me know if you’re free sooner, but otherwise shall we try again next Friday night?”
Let’s talk about the signals you’re sending here:
- You respect her need to deal with more pressing matters.
- You take her words at face value and accept that she is sorry and does want to reschedule.
- And you extend an invitation so she knows you’re still interested too.
Now pat yourself on the back for staying positive and feel relieved that you’re not still sitting there wondering if you should text or not.
Conclusion on how to confirm a date without sounding desperate:
While there’s no true “right” or “wrong” way to date, there are several things you can do to enhance your persona as a well-balanced and respectful gentleman.
- staying upbeat and confident that it will all work out okay,
- paying attention to personal details she mentioned to show her you’re listening, and
- respectfully keeping her up to date if anything changes.
For more actionable tips on learning the subtleties of dating, pick up our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
And consider joining our Launch Your Dating Life program to receive personalized, customized dating advice on your individual situation. Apply here to talk with us in a private phone call and see if our program is a good fit for you.