How to use your manly powers for good
Taking charge of a situation, expressing your masculine energy, pressing forward with stamina…
Do these concepts sometimes create more self-doubt than confidence in you?
If so, you’re not alone.
Many men, especially good-hearted introverted ones, tend to suppress anything that could be misinterpreted as abrasive, brash, or hot-tempered.
The very idea of expressing these “masculine traits” can seem foreign and scary to men who strive to be caring, empathetic, and even-keeled.
For example, one reader wrote in and told us:
“After our coaching sessions and all of the experiences I’ve had, I’ve become very conscious of how natural male energies are suppressed nowadays. I certainly was repressing mine, and sometimes still catch myself doing it again.
“What a lot of us don’t realize is that these dominant male ‘hunter’ energies are simply part of our nature as men. As such, these energies can be expressed in a good way (benevolent badass) or in a dark way (overpowering, controlling, and hurting others).
“Unfortunately, society has labeled the energies as ‘bad,’ so a lot of men with good intentions have resorted to suppressing them. I think many introverts fall into this trap, and it is one of the main reasons we have trouble feeling and being attractive.
“Women are naturally extremely attracted to these male energies because we are the yang to their yin. Therefore, one of the key things for men in dating is to make sure this energy is activated, appreciated, and fully expressed in its positive light.
“You can express the energy with love and with sensibility for whomever you are sharing it with. In this way, both of you profit from it.”
Our Introverted Alpha guys are an articulate, logical bunch!
So, how can you harness your natural impulses and safely express them healthy, benevolent ways that are well-received?
That’s exactly what we will be addressing today.
We’ll talk about…
- practicing activities that hone leadership skills and teach you the masculine art of taking charge,
- exploring techniques to develop quiet, calm confidence as opposed to loud, aggressive confidence, and
- learning to distinguish situations where one or the other of these techniques would be the best approach.
By the end of today’s post, you’ll know what it means to be a true benevolent badass so you can better achieve that status in your own dating life.
But first, let’s take a step back.
Why is there so much conflict around the idea of masculinity these days?
From dating to politics, from work to fashion, and from society to your home life, you probably encounter dozens of subtle, subconscious attitudes every day regarding what it means to be a man.
Perhaps a woman in your life endured an abusive previous relationship that left a lasting imprint on her emotions.
Maybe you have felt willing but uncertain about how women’s issues can have a stronger presence in your workplace.
Or, perhaps you yourself had experiences in your childhood that still affect the way you view masculine energy versus feminine energy as a whole.
Sadly, not every man is lucky enough to have a strong, confident male role model who consistently expresses his masculine traits in healthy ways.
Even men who do have positive influences often struggle to draw the line at what is or isn’t appropriate, especially when it can seem like that line is moving and getting blurrier every day.
At the end of the day, not everyone will agree on what it means to be a man.
That is okay.
And part of what we love offering at Introverted Alpha is a combination of (a) accepting you just as you are right now while also (b) calling you to your personal unique best as your own one-of-a-kind man.
So, let’s get started.
Can you flip “bad” traits into healthy ones?
Let’s give it a whirl…
If we were to make a list of negative behaviors associated with being a man, these may top that list:
- Starting physical conflicts or provoking fights,
- Letting sex rule decision-making processes, and
- Reacting with a temper instead of compassion.
At first glance, it’s difficult to see the positive side of any of these behaviors.
However, consider which natural male impulses lie at the root of each of these scenarios. As the traditionally dominant sex, there was probably some adaptive advantage to each of these behaviors that would be considered “bad” by today’s standards.
When you think of cavemen defending their families against wild animal attacks in the dead of night, it was the ones who chose to fight first and think later who survived to propagate the species.
Nowadays, we worry less about wild animal attacks and more about whether we might have offended our coworker in accounting.
In other words, society and the world changed quickly and left these natural male impulses to catch up.
When you cast each of these behaviors in a positive light, they become:
- Protecting your loved ones and standing up for yourself,
- Tapping into the passion of a moment with true wisdom as the backdrop, and
- Reacting with firm confidence instead of a hot temper on the one side or limpness on the other.
If you understand why you’re feeling a certain way and you choose with self-control how to best express those feelings for the win-win, now you’re in the driver’s seat of your life.
So, how can you practice expressing your masculinity in positive ways?
Fun activities that help you develop your leadership skills and masculine energy
It might sound counterintuitive or simplistic, but sometimes the best way to understand the basics of human behavior is to work with animals.
If you’ve already been curious, then consider…
- Learning how to train dogs and
- Working closely with horses
Both build leadership skills that translate surprisingly well to the rest of your life.
Yes, that includes your dating life!
Dogs and horses, in particular, trust humans who treat them with calm, assertive energy. You won’t get a horse to obey by shouting at it, nor will you by being wishy-washy.
In this way, you will learn to earn an animal’s trust by being confident, trustworthy, and assertive in guiding it toward the correct conclusion.
If you’re curious, you can start by volunteering at a farm for an afternoon. See if you like it as a way to better master your leadership skills and hone your assertiveness. If so, you can make it a part of your weekly or monthly routine and develop plenty of practice.
Over time, you might find that you can control your emotional reactions more effectively and bend a situation to a strong win-win by asserting calm, quiet leadership.
And in terms of your dating life, you can harness your newfound self-confidence and emotional moderation to help you navigate all kinds of situations.
Is there a place for “receptive” energy too, as opposed to active leadership?
Awesomely, choosing the best moments to express this calm and receptive side is yet another way of expressing confident leadership.
Let’s explore this.
If overt “leadership” can be a traditional expression of masculine energy, what is the flip side of that coin?
If you can reach a receptive, “tuned in” state, you will…
- know when to let your date or partner lead in a given situation,
- understand how to follow your intuition by using your inner guidance system, and
- choose when being “active” or being “receptive” is the best approach.
Knowing when to be quiet and let a situation unfold without your interference can feel passive at first blush compared to taking charge.
However, it takes confidence to follow your inner guidance and respond in a powerfully attractive and quiet way.
With practice, you’re still “taking charge” even when you choose to be receptive.
Stillness, calmness, and quiet depth are inherently and beautifully masculine.
What are some fun activities you can use to practice your skills of “tuning in” and being receptive?
If you’ve already been thinking about it, perhaps go for…
- Meditating, or
- Taking a conflict resolution class.
Reason being, dancing and meditation both help you learn to read body cues and become attuned to nuances in physical space. Not only that, but dancing with your partner teaches you to become attuned to personal body language cues!
While dancing can surely be meditative, a structured meditation practice teaches you compassion when “messing up” in the moment while also staying focused on your purpose in that moment. As such, it helps you develop a strong sense of self-control.
For your emotional and intellectual side, consider a course in conflict resolution. It may sound strange, but learning standardized methods of resolving issues helps a lot of men recognize just how doable it is to be self-assertive and compassionate.
Practicing seeing both sides of a matter will help you empathize and “tune in,” both logically and emotionally, to how any woman or man in your life is thinking and feeling, even when there is no conflict going on.
Calmly and effectively solving problems is one of the best and most attractive facets of masculinity.
Conclusion on how to practice leadership skills to express your masculine energy in a healthy way
Got some new ideas for expressing your masculine traits in a way that specifically interests and inspires you uniquely?.
In this post, we covered…
- understanding why men sometimes feel bad about their innate masculine tendencies,
- learning to use those natural tendencies to be a strong leader and a confident person, and
- practicing several activities that will help you develop that skill set.
To go deeper on developing your unique sense of self, explore our ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead,” for more awesome tips on finding your inner strength.
Also consider our Become A Benevolent Badass 1:1 coaching program, all about developing your social leadership! In that course, you will learn everything from finding your own personal true north, to becoming relaxed and playful around others, to resolving conflicts with ease, and more. Check out the details here, and if it speaks to you, apply to talk with us about it!