“Will women look down on me if I’ve never dated anyone before?”
So, you don’t have much dating experience.
Tell me this:
Does the thought of confessing your inexperience to a woman you’re interested in make you nervous?
You might be thinking…
“What if she judges me, or feels less attracted to me?”
Truly, though, you don’t need to let your fears hold you back from dating and being honest about your past. Plenty of introverted men (and the women you might be talking to!) are in the exact same boat and don’t have much dating experience.
Today, we’re going to discuss how to put your fear behind you and strike out boldly, with the confidence that you’ll learn as you go along.
- devoting yourself to the journey forward, and why this is the most attractive thing you can do,
- channeling your existing social skills into future dating skills, and
- remembering which factors are truly important, and how this knowledge helps you find the right partner.
Before we jump into it, however, let’s take a step back and understand why it’s important to start your journey now, even when you’re afraid if you don’t have much dating experience.
Why is it important to let go of the fear of being judged and start dating anyway?
Have you ever come across a job opening that required just a little bit more experience than you had at the time?
Did you apply anyway?
There are two common reactions to this scenario:
- One person probably grumbles to himself as he scrolls past the job post, wondering how he’s ever supposed to get enough experience when he doesn’t already have experience.
- Someone else might devote himself to writing an outstanding cover letter that showcases his eagerness to learn and grow within the position.
One feels defeated before he even starts; the other takes the opportunity and crushes it.
The latter? Quite attractive. ;)
You probably see how this analogy applies to your dating life.
Yes, it’s scary to face potential rejection when you don’t have much dating experience.
But you can’t gain dating experience without trying to date!
Now, let’s jump in.
First, understand that you have to start somewhere! And everyone starts from zero.
Absolutely no one is born with innate dating experience and knowledge.
Coming out of the womb having been on 35 dates would be ridiculous! ;)
At one point in their lives, even the smoothest and most confident men who are happily married today had exactly the same level of dating experience as you have now.
Success is not measured by where you begin. Thankfully!
The most important thing you are doing right now is addressing the issue and learning how to change and make progress.
Remember these simple steps, and keep repeating them as many times as necessary:
- Acknowledge that you have room for improvement.
- Work toward improvement now, in the moment, in whatever capacity you are able. Even if it’s something small.
- Trust that as you learn new skills and grow over time, you will be able to adapt when you need to.
If you devote yourself to taking charge of your personal development, you will build your skillset over time. This is true no matter whether your goal is to…
- learn a new language,
- pick up a new hobby, or
- improve your dating skills.
You will surely improve whatever areas you choose to focus on.
As you build experience slowly over time by talking to women, asking a few of them out, and going on first dates, you will learn and grow as you go along. There is no need to have it all figured out immediately. If that were possible, no one would need to date at all; they’d just wake up in the perfect relationship.
Everyone is practicing, all the time.
The key to your own growth is committing yourself to this practice and keeping it up over the long term!
Happily, you’ll find that pursuing a path of personal development is not only rewarding and fulfilling, it’s also incredibly attractive.
So there is no need to be ashamed to admit you are closer to the starting point on your dating journey than you are to the finish line.
All experience you have built up over your life is valuable.
Perhaps you haven’t focused very much on dating because you’ve been busy…
- graduating from school,
- building your career, or
- mastering a unique hobby.
Those are all valuable and worthwhile pursuits!
Embrace where you are on your life path, even as you keep moving forward toward your goals.
Use what you know.
Even if you don’t have “dating skills,” you still have some level of social skills.
As an introverted man, you’ve likely put a lot of thought and effort into developing those social skills, too! So you already know the basics of how to foster new connections and deepen existing ones.
Even if you’re sitting there thinking to yourself that you don’t have many close friends, don’t worry. You can broaden your scope.
You’ve had experiences with family, classmates, coworkers, and even strangers in your daily life. You might feel like you don’t know how to connect with people, but on some level, you do.
And, you probably also know what it feels like to be attracted to someone. If you’ve ever had a crush, even if it was unrequited or never got off the ground, you still are familiar with the feeling. You may even know what it’s like to have someone attracted to you, too.
So, the idea of combining those two worlds, the platonic world of your everyday social skills and the dating world where feelings of attraction become a factor, is likely not a totally foreign concept.
If you have never experienced dating or relationships before, it is easy to inflate the notion into some scary, “unknown” cloud in your mind.
In reality, a relationship is nothing more than a close friendship mixed with attraction and some level of commitment to stay together.
You have experienced each of these concepts separately in your life so far. When it comes time to put them all together, you might be surprised at how much comes naturally to you, because you already have more applicable experience than you may have realized.
Focus on the things that will be important to the right partner.
The fact that you don’t have much dating experience is not one of those things!
It is true that many people feel down about themselves when they haven’t experienced certain things or when they feel unprepared. It can be tempting to think that because you haven’t dated much in your life, it might count against you somehow.
To the right partner, however, it won’t.
And here’s why.
What really matters is that you are…
- working on yourself,
- moving toward growth,
- making continual progress, and
- being the best you can be with the resources you have.
You’ve identified what is important to you, and you’re progressing toward that. It doesn’t matter if you have crossed specific finish lines; it just matters that you’re still in the race. You’ve committed to learning these new skills.
And that is so attractive.
If you end up dating a woman who judges you because you don’t have much dating experience, recognize this as a blessing in disguise.
You will have…
- gained some valuable dating experience in the process, and
- learned what you don’t want in a relationship.
Keep your head up, and keep moving forward. This was a win, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Your positive mindset attracts positive partners.
Women who are also working on themselves and their own goals will recognize that same drive within you.
When you are your own cheerleader and you don’t require a significant other to parent you or be an external source to motivate you to keep going, you attract women of the same caliber.
This healthy dynamic allows both of you to move forward and grow together within the context of your relationship.
When you cross that particular finish line, you will look back and feel silly that you ever worried about not having much dating experience to begin with.
Conclusion on whether women will judge you if you don’t have much dating experience
By now, you understand that your situation is not the crippling disadvantage you fear it to be when you don’t have much dating experience.
Instead, you hopefully recognize this as an opportunity for positive growth in new and exciting directions!
Let’s recap today’s post. We discussed…
- acknowledging that you do have work to do and actually getting started on that work,
- trusting that you know more about dating than you think you do, and
- attracting the right partner for you with a positive mindset toward always making progress.
Now, it’s time for action! And the best action you can take next is downloading this free and fun ebook we’re giving you: “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
And, if you want to take the whole enchilada of dating skills to the next level, consider letting us help you with our Launch Your Dating Life program. We take joy in personalizing and customizing it for your exact situation! By talking with us in a 1:1 phone call (apply here), we can see if the program is right for you.