How to approach a girl and start a conversation
Does she want me to talk to her? Imagine this scenario…
You’re with your good friends, enjoying a night out and wondering if you’ll meet women, and then, bam! An attractive woman meets your eyes.
Lately, you’ve brushed up on your small talk skills, Google searched “how to talk to girls,” re-downloaded your favorite dating app, and worked hard to pay attention on dates even when conversation wasn’t going great.
You thought you’d feel more ready for this moment, yet your approach anxiety starts to close in on you despite her open body language and other pretty good signs of interest.
If you’ve ever felt like you were ready to approach women until you’re face to face with one and it’s time to start talking, you’ve come to the right place!
Today, we’re going to cover the top signs to look for, and what to say if she wants you to talk to her.
Why does your approach matter so much in the first place?
A warm, effective approach to a conversation with a lovely woman begins with one trait: CONFIDENCE.
The issue is that confidence can sometimes feel so elusive! Where do you start? Here at Introverted Alpha, we’ve coached thousands of introverted men in dating leadership, effective communication, meeting women, and developing a promising first date into a meaningful relationship. Confidence is the key ingredient to success in every area of life, and dating is no exception… especially when you’re wondering, “Does she want me to talk to her?” To feel confident meeting and approaching women, you must start with a deeply peaceful sense of who you are… and true appreciation of yourself. The best way to begin your journey to confidence is to discover what makes you uniquely attractive in the first place. That’s exactly what this free 22-page ebook helps you with! Download “Why PUA Doesn’t Work For Introverts & What Works Instead” now so you can circle back after you read this post!
Now, let’s dive in!
Does she want me to talk to her? Signs she DOES NOT
Women can communicate very effectively through their nonverbal cues. The question is… Are you listening?
If you would describe a woman or her behaviors with any of the following postures, she likely does not want you to approach her:
- Cold or standoff-ish,
- Disengaged,
- Distracted,
- Anxious,
- Uncomfortable, or
- Avoidant.
Here are some clear behaviors you can identify that mean she’s not interested:
- Initiating minimal eye contact,
- Putting her headphones in,
- Turning her back to you or moving away,
- Looking at her phone a lot, or
- Walking right by you without seeming to notice you.
While feelings of discouragement are normal when a woman doesn’t seem interested in you, you can shift your mindset and view the situation as an opportunity to practice your ability to read women!
Plus, her clear signs help each of you invest your time in other conversations and relationships where both parties are truly interested in getting to know one another!
Does she want me to talk to her? Signs she DOES
Here are a few of the top signs that she’s hoping you’ll come talk to her:
1. She can catch your eye in a way that makes time stop for one breath-taking moment.
This subtle cue is about grabbing your attention and holding onto it!
A quick, unsustained glance is simply her observing her environment.
On the flip side, an extended gaze of a full second or more lasts longer and has some emotion involved!
If you notice the second one, look for these other cues as well to confirm she’d like to chat with you!
2. You notice her looking your way frequently.
The key here is to stay firmly in the moment and focus on your immediate conversation or surroundings.
If she continues to interrupt your train of thought with her frequent glances your way, take this action of hers as a good sign that she wants you to talk to her!
3. She draws nearer to you.
This tip is all about spatial awareness and body language!
When you’re asking, “Does she want me to talk to her?”, remember that a common action in almost every relationship is to come closer when you’re feeling good about someone or something, and move farther away when the opposite is true.
If you’re in a bad mood, don’t want to be bothered, or encounter a smell or something that bothers you, you create extra distance between yourself and the source of your discomfort.
On the other hand, any of these positive feelings motivate people to move toward their cause:
- Desire,
- Curiosity,
- Intrigue,
- Attraction, or
- Delight.
If you notice her moving closer to you or removing any objects (like her purse) that are between you two, take that as a very positive sign that she enjoys being near you!
4. BONUS: A few more helpful signs to look for when you need to know, “Does she want me to talk to her?”
Still not sure if she wants you to come talk to her? These bonus signs are great to take in context.
Keep in mind that any one of these behaviors alone may not mean anything. Combined with other signs, though, they’re definitely not to be ignored!
Pay attention to see if she…
- Looks at you while talking to her friend (especially if that friend turns to look at you!),
- Mirrors your gestures, behavior, or attitude (mirroring is a powerful psychological phenomenon!),
- Adjusts her hair, clothes, or jewelry (she is likely wondering how she appears to you), or
- Smiles at you bashfully (yet still gives off warm and inviting vibes).
What to say: the powerful 10-word formula
Our recommendation? Don’t overcomplicate your words!
Here at IA, we are not fans of pick-up lines because they don’t work for introverted men.
What works best is a simple, 10-word approach:
““I noticed you, and I had to come say ‘hi.’”
From there, you can introduce yourself, ask her name, and say what specifically drew you to her (even something simple like that you couldn’t stop catching her eye!).
We love this sincere, natural, and sweet way of breaking the ice.
A genuine approach that aligns best with your natural strengths and characteristics will work best for you as an introverted man. This is what we recommend to all of our clients and readers, and they tell us how well it works!
Does she want me to talk to her? Final tips
Now that you know how to discern whether she wants you to approach her, you’ll be able to start a conversation with peace and confidence when the time comes!
Your Next Steps
Here’s what to do next to make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving:
- For more advice about approaching women, be sure to check out our resource hub on meeting women!.
- Download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build these dating skills on a foundation of confidence.
- For more personalized support, consider our Launch Your Dating Life program.
Do you want the steady guidance of your very own Introverted Alpha dating coach to…
- Be and feel sexually attractive,
- Meet and connect with great women, and
- Fill your dating funnel with quality dates?
Launch Your Dating Life is our 12-week high-touch, comprehensive program that will help you do all of the above (and more!), all while feeling more like yourself than ever!
Discover how to launch your dating life today with authenticity and lasting results!
