How to go from “first date” to “relationship” as an introverted man:
Tell me this:
Does it feel like you’re doing your best with dating but you’re not sure how to find a lasting relationship? Or, do you feel like maybe you’re not trying your best because you feel shy?
Introverted men sometimes look around at all the women they encounter and wonder how they’re supposed to get to know any of them for real.
So if you’ve ever found yourself wondering…
“Do introverted guys get girlfriends?”
… today’s post is for you!
We’ll walk through five concrete steps you can take to improve your chances of finding a girlfriend:
- Maximize your attractiveness.
- Challenge yourself to initiate conversations.
- Make (or reactivate) an online dating profile.
- Share your passions.
- Listen to what your date has to say.
But before we get started with this list, let’s figure out the basis for why you might be feeling this way.
Why is “Do introverted guys get girlfriends?” such a common question?
As an introvert, even when you’re surrounded by people, you might still feel alone. The kind of deep connections that lead to long-term friendships and relationships seem to come along maybe once every few years.
The good news is that you don’t actually need to feel like that. Those doubts come from a sense of hesitation that making true and lasting connections can be a difficult thing to do.
In reality, it doesn’t have to be difficult at all; you just have to understand how those connections are formed and take the steps to make it happen.
Now, let’s jump in!
1. Focus on what’s most attractive about yourself. Make sure it’s noticeable to others!
If you feel shy, you might not relish the idea of reaching out and initiating a conversation deliberately.
That’s where bringing out your attractiveness can help. If something about you draws others to you, you’ll find them coming up to you without you having to do much at all!
Keep in mind, we’re not just talking about physical attractiveness. There are lots of ways to attract people besides your looks.
However, whatever your unique kind of good looks you’ve got going for you (everybody has an edge!), you might as well work it! We’ll get to that in a second.
So how do you accomplish this feat of bringing out your attractiveness?
Pick something you have a natural talent for and work to maximize it. Ideally, this should be something others can notice about you right off the bat.
You want a perfect stranger to look at you (or overhear you) and think, “Whoa! I want to know more about him.”
Here are a few examples to get you started:
- You might have a natural air of mystery. If you were blessed with the ability to leave others hanging on your every word, use it! Drop hints, make subtle jokes, turn on the irresistible mystery man charm!
- If you’re in decent shape, that’s great! Maybe you played sports in college and you have the leftover muscle definition to show for it. Building some more muscle, losing some fat, or just learning to dress better for your shape can all go a long way toward making you look and feel more attractive. (And the best part is, those are all things you can choose to do. You don’t have to be born with the body of a Greek god to maximize your physical appearance!)
- If you’re absolutely hilarious, tap into that side of yourself in social interactions! So many introverted guys swallow back their jokes because they’re feeling shy in their present company. Let yourself shine! Share your humor with others. Women love when guys can make them laugh.
2. Challenge yourself to reach out even if it’s uncomfortable.
The whole point of maximizing your attractiveness in the last step is that introverts sometimes don’t enjoy being the one to start conversations and initiate contact.
However, while attracting others to you can help with this, you will likely still benefit from venturing out of your comfort zone and learning how to make the first move.
Doing things that make us just a little bit uncomfortable is one of the best ways to slowly and sustainably achieve personal growth.
Push your boundaries tiny bit by tiny bit, and after some time has passed, you can look back and notice how far your baby steps have taken you.
For some tips on how to get the ball rolling in conversations, check out this post: “What do you say to an attractive woman after ‘Hello’?”
3. Make (or reactivate) an online dating profile.
Online dating can be challenging. As you swipe through profiles, you may feel like you’re trying to find the perfect matching puzzle piece in a box full of pieces from a thousand different puzzles.
However, rates of online dating success are nothing to scoff at.
One researcher who has dedicated his time to studying online dating shared some surprising insights with the Washington Post:
“For people who have a hard time finding partners in their day-to-day, face-to-face life, the larger subset of potential partners online is a big advantage for them. For folks who are meeting people everyday—really younger people in their early twenties—online dating is relevant, but it really becomes a powerful force for people in thin dating markets.”
Do you feel like you’re in a “thin dating market”?
Introverts, people in small towns, people in their 30s or beyond, and folks who for whatever reason may have trouble making connections in everyday life often thrive in online dating when they give it a good enough chance.
At the very least, it’s a great way to hone your dating skills!
4. Share your passions.
Introverts, as a general rule, tend to spend a lot of time by themselves. Often, you spend much of this time cultivating hobbies, interests, and passion projects.
This is awesome for many reasons, not the least of which is that you have something interesting to talk about when you do ask a woman out.
If you’re psyched to share your latest programming project or tomato gardening success, give your date a preview and see if she asks for more. You might be surprised how your depth and passion for a project can be extremely attractive to others.
When you get lost in what you love and others can see that love written all over your face, they often can’t help but get swept up along with you.
It’s a great way to let a woman into your inner world even early on, because of course hobbies are appropriate conversation for a first date!
(Speaking of first dates and beyond, here are some great at-home date night activity ideas for you to use!)
5. Listen to what she has to say.
Guys who wonder “do introverted guys get girlfriends” often do so because it can seem like a monumental task to transform a first date into multiple dates and then a lasting relationship.
The previous steps have all focused on what you can do to make yourself more attractive and interesting on those first dates so the woman you’re with will want to come back for more.
Now, how do you build real intimacy and start laying the foundation for an actual relationship?
Use your ears!
The first date isn’t a monologue where you need to list the hobbies you’re passionate about and explain to her what happened during your childhood.
Sure, you can do those things! But make sure you’re allowing her at least an equal amount of time to share her experiences, too.
If she seems shy, ask her questions about the things that piqued your interest.
When you both open up to each other, that’s when the magic happens.
Conclusion on “Do introverted guys get girlfriends?”
Now you understand why asking the question, “Do introverted guys get girlfriends?” isn’t thinking big enough. Of course, the answer is yes!
The real question should be “HOW do introverted guys get girlfriends?” And that’s what we figured out today!
- maximizing your attractiveness by picking something you excel at and running with it,
- stepping outside the boundaries of your comfort zone and saying hi to women you’d like to meet,
- giving online dating a true chance,
- sharing the depth of your interests so others get swept up in your excitement, and
- listening to your date in order to build a real bond and create intimacy.
If you want more where that came from, our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead,” is a fantastic resource for seeing how you specifically can attract a wonderful girlfriend as an introvert.
Sometimes, life throws some curveballs and all the internet advice in the world can’t tell you what you need to know. If you find yourself dealing with a particular situation and need personalized, one-on-one help, we’ve got you covered. Apply here for a private phone call and we can figure out if our Launch Your Dating Life program is right for you.