How can an INTP man maximize his success with dating?
So you think you’re an INTP male.
Maybe you’ve just discovered the Meyers-Briggs personality types, or maybe you’ve known your type for years. Either way, you’re here because you understand how personality types can have a unique impact on dating.
Learning how to date when you’re an INTP man comes with challenges in some areas and natural ease with others.
Today, we’ll be figuring out what challenges you can expect to face and how best to overcome them with your INTP personality type.
We’ll discuss…
- recognizing your inherent strength for logic and creativity to help you master online dating,
- facing your biggest challenge by tapping into your emotional side (and your date’s!), and
- maximizing your chances of compatibility by looking for a partner with a complementary personality type.
By the time we’re done with today’s post, you’ll have a clear idea of how to successfully date as an INTP man.
Before we jump into the details, however, let’s talk about what it means to be an INTP man in the first place.
What makes INTP men unique?
The acronym INTP stands for one of sixteen distinct personality types delineated by the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). The MBTI test was derived from several personality “archetypes” that the psychiatrist Carl Jung outlined in 1921.
The acronym stands for…
- Introversion
- INtuition
- Thinking
- Perceiving
For the full analysis of what this all means, check out your type profile online.
Essentially, the fact that you are an INTP means you turn inward by default, both in the way that you relate to other people (introversion) and the way you view the world (intuition).
You are likely to use your logical side (thinking) consider aspects of life and make decisions accordingly.
Finally, others observing your outer self will notice that you tend to be flexible and adaptable (perceiving) in the way you live your life.
INTPs are estimated to make up less than 1% of the population, which is why your type is often thought of as unusual. That’s also why you may face some challenges that other types don’t tend to deal with in their dating lives.
If you learn to harness your strengths, however, you will find that being an INTP also comes with plenty of advantages!
If this brief explanation sounds like something you relate to, read on to learn how to successfully date when you’re an INTP man!
Use your strengths to your advantage in finding dates.
Before we dive into the how-to, let’s first figure out which natural INTP strengths we’re talking about!
Have you ever noticed that you have a knack for…
- understanding complex situations and concepts,
- conducting logical analyses with incredible accuracy, and
- using your intelligence creatively to come up with solutions that others can’t even dream of?
If so, you are definitely already in tune with the awesome benefits of being an INTP.
As such, it might not surprise you that online dating can be a huge benefit toward helping you date as an INTP man.
When you take a logical, intelligent, and creative man and drop him in the middle of the enormous social experiment that is online dating, what do you get?
Eventually you will get a bulletproof strategy for success, born from your in-depth analysis of what works, what doesn’t work, and the best ways to adapt as you keep learning.
Figuring out the concepts behind online dating is like a playground for your INTP brain.
It might take a few days, weeks, or even months to learn how online dating works. But once your mind starts churning, you will understand how it all fits together.
Many INTPs enjoy putting their architect’s brain to work. Experiment, and build a plan based on your results!
For example, what happens if you…
- send a flattering compliment to five matches, and send a deep philosophical question to five others?
- ask five women for a real-life date within the first week of texting, and ask five others for a personal phone call?
- substitute a few of your photos for others and judge whether your match ratio improves or declines over the next five days?
Almost anything can be turned into a fun experiment when you’re an INTP.
(That said if you’re less into trial-and-error and more into elegant systems, we’ve got your back!)
Once you have a date, make an effort to tap into the emotional side of things.
This can be a challenge.
INTPs often have two very separate worlds going on at once: the internal world and the external world.
You’ve probably never been accused of wearing your heart on your sleeve, right?
That’s because when others look at you, they might have no idea that inside your mind is a rich world of thoughts, perceptions, emotions, hopes, and dreams.
What they see is your outside world. And for many INTPs, that outside world can feel disjointed.
Part of INTPs’ special growth opportunity is reconciling and merging these two very different sides of themselves.
Dating an INTP personality type is an adventure of deciphering what is happening inside, since INTPs don’t naturally always share their internal world. Rather, an INTP shows their logical and analytical skills and intelligence and can even apply their logic to accessing their inner world in emotional contexts.
Remember one key piece of the puzzle on how to date when you’re an INTP man:
In order to foster true intimacy with a woman, you have to let her into your internal world. Not only that, sometimes you will have to visit her internal world as well.
That means making the effort to tap into your emotions and show some vulnerability. It also means reminding yourself to tune into what your date may be feeling and responding to her feelings appropriately.
When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs often prefer to focus on intellectual stimulation rather than expressing their emotions. However, this doesn’t mean they don’t care deeply.
Keep in mind that, even though sharing deep emotions may not come easily at first, it can be one of the great romantic gestures that shows love in a long term relationship. And the fact you had to work for it will make your emotional vulnerability even more meaningful to your partner!
Why does this tend to be such a challenge?
Dating as an INTP man is absolutely a context where you can use your aptitude for logical thinking as we talked about in Step 1.
But remember, once you get past the initial phase of finding a match that complements you, dating is all about emotions, not logic.
While experimentation and development of winning strategies can feel like second nature to you, everything afterward can feel like unfamiliar territory for many INTPs.
Let’s use a silly example to illustrate this point.
Imagine you’re on a date with an amazing woman. You can’t believe how well the two of you seem to get along. You want the same things in life, she gets your sense of humor, and everything seems perfect.
Your heart is racing, your mind is spinning with possibilities. You can’t wait to see her again.
Suddenly, you realize with horror that you’ve been so focused on the connections, the things that matter, that you have forgotten her name.
Oops.
Worse yet, when she looks at you from across the table, she might not see your excitement reaching the surface. She probably sees a sort of shy guy smiling to himself quietly as the two of you make conversation.
She definitely feels a connection and is enjoying her time with you very much. But she notices that you aren’t radiating and returning the warmth that she is feeling toward you.
So when you ask her (maybe for the second time…) what her name is, she may feel off-put and assume you must not be interested.
And because you might naturally struggle to tune into the emotions of other people, you may not even realize that your date has been offended. Or if you do notice, you probably have no idea why.
What happened here?
Your date has no clue of the depth of your inner world. She doesn’t know that you’re dreaming of your second date already unless you let her in.
INTPs have a wonderful ability to cut right to the important parts (your undeniable connection and core compatibilities) and forget the tiny details (like her name).
This tends to give INTPs a bad rap as cold and unfeeling robots… which could not be further from the truth!
Since you’re living in your own mind, you probably realize that the stereotype of the absentminded professor can be true, but the stereotype of the coldhearted logician is nowhere near the truth.
So, how can you solve this?
INTPs in general can have trouble externally showing how they are feeling and understanding how others are feeling especially if they don’t have ample focused quality time to process and figure it out.
As an INTP partner, be aware of situations when you get lost in thought. These can make you appear aloof and uncaring, even if the reality is the exact opposite and you were actually lost in thought about how excited you are for your next date together.
When you find yourself in a situation like the above example, remind yourself of the following:
- Dating is about emotions, not logic.
- Your date can’t read your mind and intuitively understand the depth of your feelings.
- You will have to deliberately let her in and show her how you feel.
- While you are making the effort to show your own emotions, absolutely make sure to ask her about hers as well. And then internalize her answers. You will need to react appropriately when she feels something, even if it doesn’t necessarily make sense to you logically.
If any of this makes you uneasy, you can relax. You don’t have to break out the Kleenex box and spend two hours dissecting your hopes and fears in order to show your interest externally.
Even a simple…
“I really am enjoying talking with you, and I’d love to see you again. Would you like that too?”
…could break the ice and save the situation in our example.
However, if you seem to find yourself in mismatched situations on a regular basis, move on to Step 3.
Remember, yours isn’t the only personality type that matters when you date as an INTP man.
It takes two to build a deep connection.
If you feel like maximizing your chances of success right out of the gate, try looking for a partner who falls into one of your recommended complementary personality types.
You might find that…
- INTJs,
- INFPs,
- ENTPs, and of course
- Other INTPs
…click with you on a level that other types don’t quite reach.
However, don’t strictly limit yourself to dating only women within these types! INTP love can be found with a whole variety of personality types. There’s no reason to narrow your potential pool of matches too harshly.
In fact…
- ISTPs,
- INFJs,
- ENTJs, and
- ENFPs
…often share similarities with you where it counts, while also throwing in a few exciting and interesting differences to keep things spicy.
Whether you go for perfect similarity or a hint of variety, you will likely have more of a connection with the above types rather than with types that are fundamentally different from yours.
However, some people swear by the theory that “opposites attract.” If you’re up for the challenge of getting to know a woman on the other end of the personality spectrum, try dating one of the remaining eight types:
- ISTJ,
- ISFP,
- ESTP,
- ENFJ,
- ISFJ,
- ESTJ,
- ESFP, or
- ESFJ.
One bonus to knowing your date’s personality type is that the MBTI archetypes serve as great first date conversation starters!
Once you start talking about each others’ traits and characteristics, you might be surprised at how easy it can be to open up and share more of your inner world.
Problem solved. ;)
It’s worth mentioning…
The Myers-Briggs test is a lot of fun. For many people, it provides valuable insight into their own minds and the minds of people they interact with.
However…
It’s not the be-all, end-all of dating compatibility. It can give you a great starting point toward understanding yourself and your date, but it should not be taken as law.
After all, part of growing as a human being (let alone elevating your dating skills) is learning to adapt and work with challenges that may not seem ideal on paper.
So, if you’re an INTP guy and your ESFJ date seems like a bundle of fun, don’t be scared away by an arbitrary assignment of letters.
Maybe one day when the two of you celebrate your 30th anniversary, you’ll laugh about how some silly test told you that you wouldn’t work well together.
Conclusion on how to date when you’re an INTP man:
Now you understand how sharing more of yourself and actively trying to open yourself to your date’s feelings are the keys to successfully dating when you’re a logical, creative INTP type.
Let’s recap today’s post!
We discussed…
- finding ways to use your natural intelligence, logic, and creativity to master online dating,
- opening up to give and receive emotional exchanges more freely, and maybe even
- dating women with personality types that complement your own.
If you want more awesome, actionable ways to level up your dating skills, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
Sometimes, though, you might just need to talk to someone about your unique situation. If you want personalized, customized advice on your dating life, take a look at our Launch Your Dating Life program. You can apply here for a 1:1 phone call, and then we can see if the program is right for you!
