Boost your confidence with women by taking these steps:
Imagine you’re walking out of your favorite coffee shop when you see a woman sitting alone reading a book and drinking her latte.
You want to talk to her, but your mind starts to spin…
“What if she doesn’t want to be bothered?”
“Will she think I’m flirting with her?”
“What would I even say?!”
Introverted guys often get stuck in their own heads and end up overthinking so much that they never really go for it. No relationship can develop if you don’t give yourself the chance!
So, how can you build your confidence with women so the interaction goes more like…
“Hey, that book looks really great; what’s it about?”
… instead of turning into the deepest shade of red, backing up, leaving before you even say hi and then experiencing serious FOMO?
That’s what we’ll cover today.
Let’s get you all set!
The three key steps you can take to build your confidence with women are…
- practicing talking to lots of people,
- building good habits so you feel confident in your own skin, and
- recognizing that an interaction with a woman doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be valuable.
First, let’s take a step back to understand you might want to put in the effort required to build confidence with women in the first place.
Why is it important to work toward improving your self-confidence?
Have you ever heard the term “FOMO”?
Short for the Fear Of Missing Out, FOMO is such a widespread feeling that it has become an acronym.
For example, if you canceled a backpacking trip because you thought you should stay home and work and then see photos of your friends in the mountains having a great time, you may experience FOMO.
If you stay away from the ocean during your family trip to the beach because you recently saw that documentary on shark bite injuries, you may miss out on a potentially fantastic time.
And if you shy away from approaching women because you got stuck in your head, you may miss out on an amazing date… or two… or three!
The key to avoiding FOMO? Learn to do things that scare you.
Sure, it might be wise to stay out of the water if a shark has been spotted in the area, but there’s rarely ever a good reason to avoid striking up a conversation.
So that’s why we’re going to work on conquering that fear today and building your confidence with women. (!)
Now let’s talk about how to do exactly this.
Practice talking to everyone.
Confidence with women is just a narrow slice of the whole social confidence pie. Leveling up this one area will help you become more confident in all the other areas of your life too.
Here’s the good news:
Opportunities for honing your social skills are all around you, all the time.
It’s a great practice to talk to all sorts of people whenever you get the chance:
- the mailman,
- your Tae Kwon Do instructor,
- the girl at the smoothie bar who always remembers your order, or
- the guy sitting alone in your workplace’s cafeteria.
The key point is to initiate all of these interactions.
Don’t wait for them to come up and start talking to you; go up and start talking to them first! As you do, your FOMO antithesis (action-taking!) will get stronger and stronger.
For people who don’t initiate conversations very often, the thought of doing so (even normally, let alone when a beautiful woman is involved) can be terrifying.
If you practice starting conversations on a regular basis, you’ll get used to the natural flow of things once you get past the introduction.
You’ll naturally develop an intuitive sense of when to follow a topic, ask a question, or graciously end the conversation.
These social skills will be incredibly helpful as you translate them to a dating situation.
By the time you run into a woman you’d really love to talk to, you’ll be well-practiced at initiating conversations. (And you won’t ever have to experience FOMO again!)
Plus, don’t overlook the value of being social just for the sake of it! Even if your mailman isn’t a beautiful woman, he might be a really cool guy you’d get along with well.
Build good habits that make you feel confident in your own skin.
You know what’s holding you back from feeling your best. It might take some introspection, but deep down, you already recognize which aspects of yourself you wish you could change (hint: they’re tied into whatever you may have been feeling FOMO about!).
When you picture yourself in the scenario of wanting to approach a woman but feeling afraid of rejection, what are the thoughts you focus on?
“I can’t ask her out, I wouldn’t know what to say.”
“Oh man, of course I would see a gorgeous woman today when I’m out in my gym shorts and ratty tennis shoes. I can’t talk to her looking like this!”
“I’d love to approach her, but she’s out of my league. Maybe if I lose twenty pounds first, then I’ll be comfortable talking to women.”
The thoughts that hold us all back (and we all have them) are different for everyone. What are yours? And how can you use them to your advantage?
Let’s outline solutions to the common worries above:
How would you solve your anxiety surrounding the thought, “I can’t ask her out, I wouldn’t know what to say?”
Once you get past the “I can’t” feeling, you’ll realize that a next step can actually be as simple as brushing up on your conversational skills!
Hint: if you need a good place to start, check out these posts:
- What do you say to an attractive woman after “Hello”?
- Conversation Starters for Talking to an Attractive Woman
It follows naturally that the solution to the next worry, about being seen in your disheveled old clothes, would be to learn to dress yourself better. When you leave the house feeling like your best self, confidence comes that much more easily!
The third concern could be solved over the next few months with a wellness and fitness program that helps you feel healthy and attractive in your own skin. What could feel better than that?
The point is, most negative thoughts about approaching a woman can be leveraged to show you areas you want to improve on.
This key is to hone in on the negative thoughts that hinder your confidence with women and then take action to fix them. (“Take action”… Sound familiar? That’s our FOMO-buster coming through for us!)
Overcome your fear of less-than-perfection.
You may have a fantasy in your head that if you approached that woman in the coffee shop with confidence, you would sweep her off her feet and whisk her away for a lifetime of romance.
It’s the possibility of her giving you that, “What the heck are you doing?” look that probably paralyzes you on your feet, right?
Here’s the thing.
Even a social interaction that may feel uncomfortable in the moment and fall short of your wildest hopes and dreams is still a valuable experience that you can learn and grow from.
It doesn’t have to be perfect to be worthwhile.
With as much time and energy as we waste on being afraid of starting new conversations, we tend to forget…
A conversation that goes nowhere (or ends with her turning you down for a coffee date) really isn’t scary at all.
Your life goes back to normal and you have lost nothing at all. Actually, you’ve gained experience.
What did you learn?
- You approached a woman and started a conversation that fell flat, and you survived! The world didn’t open under your feet and swallow you up.
- Now you might have a clearer idea of what not to say next time you approach someone else.
This is the nature of practice! It’s not always comfortable, but it makes you just a little bit stronger and more prepared every time. Soon, you won’t be “missing out” at all and FOMO will be a distant memory, replaced by your action-taking confidence!
But sometimes, it can be tempting to worry about being rejected with all those bold steps…
Why is it important to not stress over rejection?
When you worry about things not going perfectly right out of the gate, it can be too easy to talk yourself out of trying at all.
And if you do try and feel uncomfortable, you might feel tempted to bend yourself to fit who you think a woman wants you to be.
This is where “nice guy” tendencies become a problem (something that Section 2 of Magnetic Confidence helps solve!).
You don’t have to design your personality around what you think someone else will like.
In fact, it’s necessary to remember your own wants, needs, hopes, boundaries, and dealbreakers, even if it means this particular match isn’t the right one for you.
Being authentic is attractive.
So the next time you’re having a conversation with a woman and you aren’t really vibing well, remember that it’s totally okay!
You can hold your head high and move on, secure in the knowledge that you are now confident to approach someone else when the opportunity arises.
This is the essence of having confidence with women!
And when the right match does come along (and she is being genuinely herself too, instead of doing the female equivalent of the “nice guy”), you’ll know it’s a strong match because you’ll fit well together.
There will be no pretending, no moving your boundaries, no wondering when the “real flaws” will start to show through.
And it will feel awesome.
Conclusion on how to build your confidence with women:
Feeling more optimistic about your confidence with women already?
That’s because you now have a mental plan for how to start living with more confidence in social situations, erasing FOMO by taking action in a way that is true to who you are.
Let’s recap what we covered!
The key points from today’s post emphasized…
- enjoying talking to anyone and everyone so you build valuable social skills as quickly and effectively as possible,
- putting your best self forward by proactively addressing any issues that may be holding you back, and
- seeing the value in less-than-perfect social interactions.
Want some more confidence-boosting goodness?
Let’s do it! Magnetic Confidence is your path to becoming attractive to quality women, replacing “nice guy” patterns with relaxed self-assurance, and developing an unshakable FOMO-busting sense of self across 7 core areas of influence. Get details and enroll here.