What does it mean when a woman takes a long time to respond to texts?
You’re talking to a great woman. Things are going well, and you’re really connecting. But… then the conversation slows. Something starts to feel off.
“Why is it taking so long for her to answer my texts? Is she still interested in talking to me?”
If that scenario doesn’t take much imagination at all, take a deep breath. You’re not alone, and everything could very well be okay!
Today we’re going to talk about…
- soothing your mind with likely explanations for her extended silences,
- figuring out her level of interest based on the messages she does send, and
- how you can best handle this situation to ensure an optimal outcome.
Before we jump into that, however, let’s take a moment to reframe your perspective about the situation.
Why is it so important to keep a positive mindset even when you’re worried?
We get it.
When you’re sitting around waiting for your phone to chime, minutes seem like hours and your mind fills in the blanks:
- “Is she losing interest in me? Could she be seeing someone else?”
- “Has she been in an accident? Should I try to track her down to make sure she’s safe?”
- “Maybe she lost her phone and doesn’t have my number anymore. How will I know what happened if I never hear from her again?”
But really, and we can’t emphasize this enough, do your best to get a handle on your feelings before you confront her about her texting habits.
Unfounded emotionality is a real thing. Especially at the beginning of a potential relationship when you haven’t ironed out boundaries and you have no established patterns to fall back on.
When you feel the doubts creeping in, banish them by asking yourself…
“Does it benefit me to sit here worrying? Or does it help me more to have faith that everything is fine?”
It will always, always be more beneficial to both your mental health and the possibility of a future relationship if you stay positive during this period of uncertainty.
Now, let’s talk about how to put this into action!
First, think about all the possible explanations for why she’s taking a long time to respond to texts.
There are so many reasons why a woman might not be available to answer your text for a while.
The most likely of all explanations is that she’s probably just busy.
Haven’t you ever put your phone down somewhere and gotten lost in a hobby, a good book, or a project at work?
Just to soothe your mind that there is a myriad of reasons she might not be answering right now, let’s list several possibilities:
- Her boss asked her to pick up an extra shift and she hasn’t had time to let you know she won’t be available to talk.
- She’s playing “hard to get” and trying to avoid seeming too eager by responding to your texts quickly.
- Some of her friends decided to hang out at the last minute and she jumped at the opportunity for some girl time.
- After a stressful day, she decided to turn her phone off rather than coming across as negative or depressed. She really likes you so far and doesn’t want to scare you away when she’s not at her best.
- She isn’t big on texting. Some women text a lot at first when excitement is high. Then, when she returns to her “normal” mode of not texting much, it can seem like a dramatic difference for someone who doesn’t know this is her normal state.
- An afternoon gym session turned into an extended shopping trip after a pair of ripped yoga pants prompted a visit to the mall for a replacement.
- She got absorbed in her latest home renovation project and lost track of time.
The point is, you have no way of knowing why she’s taking a long time to respond to texts. You might as well assume it’s one of the above reasons until you have reason to believe otherwise!
Here’s how to gauge her level of interest based on the texts you have exchanged so far:
Take a quick scroll back through the text history in your conversation.
Do you notice any patterns?
Look for positive signs that she is interested in you:
- When she does respond, does it seem like she puts effort into her messages? (There is a huge difference between her replying “yeah” and her typing out a detailed reply, even if she does so less frequently.)
- Do her texts approximately match yours in length and thoughtfulness?
- Does she ask questions that keep the conversation moving forward?
- Does she ever initiate conversations, or do you do it every time?
- Has she expressed interest in meeting up for a first date? Or if you have already met, does she ever mention the idea of getting together again?
If you notice any strong patterns like the above, she probably is interested in talking to you. At that point, it’s safe to assume she just has something else going on right now that is preventing her from responding right away.
The point about her texts matching yours in length and thoughtfulness is an important one. When a conversation is flowing naturally, generally both parties are evenly matched.
That principle is true even when a conversation takes place over hours or days through text messages.
If you scroll back through your text history and ignore the time stamps, does it read like a normal conversation with valuable input from both sides?
You probably have no need for concern if that’s the case.
If the conversation seems pretty one-sided upon a quick re-read, however, do make a note of that. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be an indication that the interest is one-sided as well.
Here’s what to do while you’re waiting for her to respond:
Put the phone down and get lost in a favorite hobby for a while.
That way, when she does text you back, you will be in a happy, attractive mood, ready to have a fun conversation with her about what you’ve been accomplishing. Yay!
Living your own life and enjoying your day is absolutely the best way to handle this situation.
If she responds and all is well, you’ll be in a good mood and the conversation will probably be a happy one.
If she doesn’t get back to you, that’s okay too! You’ve proven to yourself that you can move on and enjoy your time with or without her.
That is so healthy, and attractive to boot!
If you’re able to put the phone down and get on with things, awesome. But many guys find they still battle with negative thoughts creeping in. Plenty of men admit to fighting the urge to text over and over again until she answers.
If you find yourself in that boat, listen up. Here’s what to do with all that frenzied mental energy:
- Instead of texting her multiple times (twice is fine, but stop there!), open up a notepad app on your phone and type out all the texts you want to send. Sometimes just getting the thoughts out of your head and down in writing clears them from your mind and allows you to refocus. If you come back and re-read these unsent texts in a few hours after she responds, chances are you’ll be glad you didn’t press Send.
- Instead of jumping to conclusions, revisit the list of other possible explanations every time you start to have doubts.
- While sending a second, follow-up text is fine, making that text passive-aggressive or otherwise negative is not. Instead of sending something like “Guess you’re not into me, huh?” or “Wow, I guess I was wrong when I thought we had a connection,” purge those thoughts from your mind. When you phrase your follow-up text, remember to assume everything is fine. Instead, try sending something like…
- “Hey, I hope your day is going great! [Insert one positive thing about your day here.] ”
- “Just saw this meme and it reminded me of you.” Ideally, pick a funny picture that you both can laugh about.
Even when she’s taking a long time to respond to texts, don’t let it bring you down.
It’s all about taming the mental beast and constantly, consistently reminding yourself that everything is probably fine.
Conclusion on how to handle it when she’s taking a long time to respond to texts:
Now you know this isn’t a matter of dwelling on whether or not she’s interested, but a matter of staying positive and going about your life assuming she is until you have a reason to believe otherwise.
Let’s go over what we covered today.
We talked about…
- reframing your mindset from worrying into optimism by remembering all the reasons she may just be busy when she takes a long time to respond,
- looking through your conversation history to notice patterns that will help you decide whether she is interested in continuing to talk, and
- staying positive to ensure the best possible outcome, regardless of whether she gets back to you or not!
Unleashing your inner benevolent badass begins with taking small steps like the ones we covered today. For more actionable tips on how you can level up your dating skills, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
For more awesome empowerment techniques, consider joining our self-study program, Magnetic Confidence. With this program, we’ll help you develop a strong sense of self that will last a lifetime.