The lowdown on shy people, social situations, and dating
Are you an introverted man who is wondering how to overcome shyness? If you tend to feel shy in social interactions or public situations, you may have heard some of the following well-intentioned guidance from a friend or family member:
- “All you have to do is smile and say ‘hi!’”
- “She won’t bite. Just go talk to her.”
- “Stop overthinking everything! You’re worrying about nothing.”
Although they mean well, this advice typically only creates greater embarrassment or discomfort about your shy nature, which then leads you to likely want to avoid social interactions even more.
That’s why we’re bringing you eight reassuring tips on how to overcome shyness as an introvert.
Whether your shyness is rooted in your mental health, introverted personality traits, or underdeveloped social skills, these tips will help you break the cycle of avoiding social situations, then feeling badly about not attending, and then avoiding more social opportunities as a result.
Why does this matter in the first place?
When you can overcome your shyness, then you can confidently approach women, start a conversation, get her number, and go on great dates.
Now, let’s dive in!
1. Practice your smile
Although you are likely not surprised to hear that being happy can make us smile, did you know that the act of smiling can also make us happy?!
That’s some good news! One study even found that smiling helped reduce the social anxiety of shy children.
In addition to flashing that lovely smile of yours, you can practice these other physical behaviors that can impact the way you feel and think:
- Relaxing the muscles in your face when you feel stressed,
- Developing better posture, and
- Unfurrowing your eyebrows when you feel unsure.
Plus, smiling can only help your dating success as people find those who smile very attractive!
2. Stop self-sabotaging
When your inner critic starts to get loud, analyze the power of that voice so that you can defuse what you are telling yourself!
Here are some questions to help you evaluate your self-talk:
- Is this TRUE?
- Is this KIND?
- Is this HELPFUL?
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, use this as an opportunity to switch up the way you talk to yourself!
3. List your strengths
Oftentimes, shyness comes from a place of believing we don’t have anything wonderful to offer.
Of course, that isn’t true. So, how do you stop secretly thinking that about yourself?
Our suggestion is to start by making a list of all of your positive qualities. Ask a close friend or family member to help you if you’re having trouble naming some.
When you’re feeling insecure, return to the list. Read it, recite, and let it remind you how much you truly have to offer!
Better yet, hang the list on your bathroom mirror, your kitchen fridge, or any place that will make you read the list regularly.
4. Have fun
The first is to dread the event, expect the worst outcomes, and feel uncomfortable the entire time.
The alternative is to focus more on an event you’re genuinely looking forward to by partaking in activities you actually like!
Whether you’re into shooting baskets at the gym, drawing landscapes from a park bench, or tending a community garden, you can see whatever you’re doing as an opportunity to have FUN without worrying about your interactions with others in the vicinity.
Some studies even indicate that enjoying a hobby simply for fun can improve your mental health.
Whatever you choose to do, approach the activity as an opportunity to enjoy your life and appreciate being you. You may be surprised about the positive interactions you have when you stop worrying about them!
5. Interrogate your worries
Have you ever tried to wish your worries away or pretended like they weren’t there?
These are very common approaches, yet they aren’t very effective. Instead, try to shine a spotlight on your fear and anxiety. What makes you feel this way?
When you take a deeper look into why you are experiencing certain feelings, you can be in a better position to tackle your shyness head on!
6. Choose your relationships intentionally
Most introverted men, especially if they see themselves as shy, tend to have fewer, deeper relationships in their lives as opposed to many shallow ones.
This means that each of those relationships is all the more powerful when considering another person’s ability to speak into your life.
That’s why you should only give your time to people who’ve proven to be encouraging, positive, warm, responsive, and authentic.
There will always be a handful of “nay-sayers” and those who will be sarcastic, negative, or critical. Keep a healthy distance from those who will make your journey harder than necessary.
7. Remember that a tough moment doesn’t equal a bad day
Many shy people tend to spend a lot of time in their heads: introspecting, reflecting, and picking apart every encounter down to the smallest details.
When you give so much power to brief situations, you can easily develop a distorted view of your experiences or to start believing (incorrectly!) that your shyness somehow ruined an entire event.
Chances are, nobody else even remembers the moment that you can’t stop thinking about. They’re busy worrying about their own interactions!
8. Make a plan
Name the worries, fears, and triggers that make you feel shy. This activity helps identify key factors so you can pinpoint how you can improve.
Name them, plan how you’re going to eliminate them (if you aren’t sure how, seek out someone who can help you like a relationship coach or a counselor), and move forward!
Do you need some help making it happen? You certainly aren’t alone. Keep reading to find out the steps you can take and the ways we can help you get there!
Conclusion on how to overcome shyness
Now that you know how to overcome shyness as an introvert, you’ll be able to identify the best tips for you personally and start improving there!
Your Next Steps
Here’s what to do next to make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving:
- For more advice on developing your confidence, check out our large collection of articles on this topic!
- Download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to discover exactly why women are attracted to you in the first place.
- For more personalized support, consider our program called The Quiet Hero.
Don’t let anxiety or shyness limit your future joy, meaning, and connection. When you enroll in The Quiet Hero, you’ll discover…
- 3 main manifestations of anxiety that introverted men experience,
- Analysis of what causes different kinds of anxiety so you can know yourself better,
- 5 clear keys to calm a racing mind, perfectionism, and overthinking,
- 10 powerful ways to overcome anxiety (both short-term and long-term solutions),
- And so much more!