Self-Actualization Using the Enneagram

The best tool for really knowing who you are, your full potential and your “code” for living in a flow state, is based in the Enneagram.

Not many people know about the Enneagram and those who find it see that it’s not as easy to grasp as the Myers Briggs, for example, especially because there are not many truly excellent positive resources on the Enneagram out there.

So, it’s natural then to leave it on the table, when in fact it is a hugely rich and deep body of ever-expanding knowledge about human nature and self-actualization, as well as how we can genuinely understand and interact with others in a fulfilling and wise way.

The first time I personally heard about the Enneagram was years ago when I was on vacation in the Dominican Republic.

I met a couples’ coach who swore by it and convinced me to buy what he said was the best book available on it: The Wisdom of the Enneagram.

I didn’t read much of that book because it just didn’t grab me at first. It was interesting but skewed negative, and so I didn’t take it fully seriously. I ended up giving the book away during a move.

Last fall, I kept thinking about it, and so I bought it again. I learned a lot from it, and then once again (likely because the thing is so incredibly dense and skews negative), I again put it away.

Recently, I’ve had a lot of big life changes, and I again kept thinking about it.

I picked it right back up and then found a whole new angle on the subject in the book, Personality Types.

I like this book because it is not so negative as The Wisdom of the Enneagram. Even in the introduction, they say how important it is for them to be empathetic and encouraging while still being direct.

Reason being, it is challenging to look deeply into yourself, to be objective with yourself (not bending to your own unconsciously-patterned views and thereby unwittingly excusing your behavior) while also being subjective with others (considering truly their uniquely different point of view rather than just judging the action isolated from the person).

While Personality Types is a bit more approachable than The Wisdom of the Enneagram, neither are particularly focused on (a) your RAW POTENTIAL, (b) how to live in flow state, or (c) how your type interacts with other types.

Those are all things I’ve taken upon myself to show you here in this post and beyond, and I am very excited about it!

So, now let’s get into what the Enneagram actually is:


What is the Enneagram?

The Enneagram is a personality type model that represents nine types across three orientations to life: feeling, thinking, instinctual.

Feeling types process life primarily through the heart; thinking types, through the mind; and instinctual types, through the gut.

Within each of the 3 orientations to life (feeling, thinking, instinctual), there are three personality types represented there.

The core of each type is the basic fear and basic desire that is unique to that type. The reason this is so powerful is our basic fear and basic desire shape our entire outlook on life and our relationship with ourselves.

This goes much deeper than anything else about us, because all of our thoughts and actions spring from this very deep place. Our self-actualization comes from it, and also self-destruction, which are along a continuum of integration and disintegration.

Each type has a distinct way of moving up into integration (healthy, self-actualizing state) and down into disintegration (unhealthy, neurotic state).

This model is helpful because when we understand our core fear and our core desire as well as how we integrate and disintegrate, we have incredible objective knowledge about ourselves.

Knowledge is power.

Furthermore, when we learn about all the other types and how they interplay with ours (and with each other’s if we’re extra curious), then that is even more knowledge/power for us as self-actualizing individuals.

As you can imagine even from my description so far, this is a very complex model. In fact, it is so complex, that it’s not presented in a very accessible form often, if at all.

So below, I’ll share with you the high-level concepts and organization of this model, so you can get your feet wet with it and see if you want to explore more!


Overview of Different Types

Here, I’ll go over each type in brief, as they are described at (

I’ll focus on each type’s one-word working title, short description, basic fear and basic desire, possible wing types, and its directions of integration and disintegration, all of which I’ll explain after I go through these one by one.

As you read through these, you may think, “Well gosh, yeah I’m afraid of that,” and, “Well, of course, I want that.”

These are all normal fears and desires that we have as human beings.

The core of each type, though, is that this is the DEEPEST, most central fear/desire driving us. And if you have a few that you think might be you, you may find that they are interlinked.

I’ll explain more after I share about the types.


All 9 Types:


Type 1: The Rational, Idealistic Type: Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic

Instinctual Basic Fear: Of being corrupt/evil, defective

Basic Desire: To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced

Type One’s Possible Wings: 9, 2

Direction of Integration: 7

Direction of Disintegration: 4



Type 2: The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and Possessive

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved

Basic Desire: To feel loved

Type Two’s Possible Wings: 1, 3

Direction of Integration: 4

Direction of Disintegration: 8



Type 3: The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious

Basic Fear: Of being worthless

Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile

Type Three’s Possible Wings: 2, 4

Direction of Integration: 6

Direction of Disintegration: 9



Type 4: The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance

Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)

Type Four’s Possible Wings: 3, 5

Direction of Integration: 1

Direction of Disintegration: 2



Type 5: The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable

Basic Desire: To be capable and competent

Type Five’s Possible Wings: 4, 6

Direction of Integration: 8

Direction of Disintegration: 7



Type 6: The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious

Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance

Basic Desire: To have security and support

Type Six’s Possible Wings: 5, 7

Direction of Integration: 9

Direction of Disintegration: 3



Type 7: The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Distractible, and Scattered

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain

Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled

Type Seven’s Possible Wings: 6, 8

Direction of Integration: 5

Direction of Disintegration: 1



Type 8: The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others

Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)

Type Eight’s Possible Wings: 7, 9

Direction of Integration: 2

Direction of Disintegration: 5



Type 9: The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent

Basic Fear: Of loss and separation

Basic Desire: To have inner stability “peace of mind”

Type Nine’s Possible Wings: 8, 1

Direction of Integration: 3

Direction of Disintegration: 6


Which Type Are You?

Here’s how to start discovering which type you are:

You might identify with a few types or more. It is actually a process to find which type you are because the truths of each type run so deep. Also, the types are interlinked.

Since it is such a deep process to learn your type, even the best online tests out there say, “You’re likely to be one of these four,” when there are nine total options.

This only whittles your choices to about half, which you could do yourself just by reading through the short summaries!

The more you read about each type, and the more you consider the directions of integration and disintegration as well as the wings, the more your own type emerges and you can see which you are.

Reason being, each type is closely linked with three other types in this way:

The main type has a “wing” which is to one number to the side of that type’s number. For example, a Four can have either a Three wing or a Five wing.

The wing colors the personality of the main type, so that the whole personality is about 75-80% the main type, 15% the wing, and perhaps 5-10% of all the other types since we all have at least a tiny fraction of each type within us. (This is a more-or-less approximation so you can get a sense of this.)

Also, the main type integrates (self-actualizes) towards another specific type, meaning the healthier that type gets, the more it mirrors the type that it is integrating towards. (Type Four, for example, integrates to One.)

The main type also disintegrates (self-destructs) towards a specific type, meaning the more unhealthy that type gets, the more it mirrors the type that it is disintegrating towards. (For example, Type Four disintegrates to Two.)

So as we can see with Type Four, it could either have a Three wing or a Five wing, one or the other. Regardless of the wing, Four disintegrates to Two and integrates to One.

This means that if you’re Four type, then you might actually feel a lot of the types One, Two, Three, and Four. But Four is the only one that touches on all the other three, because if you’re a Type One, then your wings and directions of integration/disintegration are totally different.


How to go deeper with this:

I’ve developed an Enneagram program and an email series that goes more in-depth on this subject.

In this helpful and insightful Enneagram training, you will learn…

  • 5-step exercise to find your Enneagram type (without relying on an online test or quiz)
  • Why you might sometimes feel like your “very young, shy self” and how to overcome that
  • How to express your emotions in a healthy, attractive way that helps you self-actualize

The foundation of all you’ll learn there is a combination of Riso and Hudson’s The Enneagram Institute’s resources and books, combined with my experience teaching and coaching introverted men in how the Enneagram works and how they can move up from the unhealthy levels to the average levels to the advanced levels of development.


Sign up here:

Sarah Jones
Sarah Jones
Sarah Jones is founder and CEO of Introverted Alpha; the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of Sarah's 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

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