Getting ghosted by a partner
If you’re an introverted man wondering why you’ve been ghosted and you want to understand why people ghost, you’ve come to the right place!
The only worse action than getting broken up with over a text message is the complete lack of communication that comes with getting ghosted.
Even if 1,300 people are all venting about getting ghosted on social media or if a licensed clinical psychologist says ghosting is normal, the truth is that you feel hurt when ghosting happens!
One effective way to move forward when you’ve been ghosted is to consider the reasons why it happened in the first place.
Today, we’ll be sharing 10 common reasons why people ghost along with helpful insights, especially for introverted men.
By the end of this post, you’ll have a much better mindset about your situation and know how to respond internally if ghosting happens again.
Why does mindset matter in the first place?
When your mindset is unbreakable, then you can move through your life with peace in your choices and radical acceptance of who you are as a person.
In order to do that, you first need to find out what is uniquely attractive about you.
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Now, let’s explore the 10 common reasons why people ghost!
1. Dating has become less of a priority
Sometimes, unforeseen life events or time-consuming commitments pop up and move a budding relationship to the back burner. Perhaps work picked up, a family member was diagnosed with a terminal illness, or they aren’t as ready to date as they initially thought they were.
When something like this comes up, a person may feel too overwhelmed to explain why the relationship won’t work out.
2. You haven’t been seeing each other for very long
Some people believe that they don’t owe an explanation for ending a relationship if they weren’t long-term romantic partners. This type of thinking naturally results in ghosting.
As difficult as it can feel to be on the receiving end of this exchange, the mindset behind it is like getting samples as you walk through Costco. Did you like the sample enough to invest in buying the item outright? If not, you keep walking. You don’t tell the person who prepared the sample that you won’t be buying what they’re offering samples of…
You simply move on.
3. Technology makes ghosting too convenient
The double-edged sword of online dating apps is the convenience factor: finding someone to connect with is much more convenient, and so is ghosting them.
Between all the matches and messages, some chats can easily slip through the cracks. If you weren’t their most preferred match or you two simply didn’t touch base that frequently, the ghosting may have been a side effect of their limited emotional energy rather than an intentional effort.
Plus, when you aren’t worried about running into someone you know in real life at the gym, school, or work, it can become easier to let the conversation die.
4. It’s not you… it’s their attachment style
There are four types of attachment styles:
- Secure,
- Anxious,
- Avoidant, and
- Disorganized.
The last three types on the list are all considered insecure attachment styles, and people with an anxious or avoidant attachment style are the most likely to ghost someone.
An anxious attachment style leaves a person feeling insecure in their relationships, while people with avoidant attachment styles get uncomfortable when people get too close.
The perfect recipe for ghosting is when you combine one (or both) of these attachment styles with a desire to break up or stop seeing someone. This might feel like the other person disappeared out of thin air!
5. They’d prefer to avoid an awkward confrontation
Cutting off communication is objectively easier than dealing with someone’s hurt feelings.
Expecting you to “take the hint” when they go dark allows the person to avoid an uncomfortable conversation where you’ll inevitably want to know why they don’t want to communicate with you any further.
6. Their fear makes them want to protect themselves
If someone is worried about getting hurt, they may ghost you to avoid that pain.
Maybe they want that feeling of control over what happened, or they were broken up with suddenly in a past relationship.
Either way, fear may cause a person to fall back on ghosting as a type of coping or defense mechanism so they can avoid any potential uncomfortable feelings.
7. They felt unsafe or uncomfortable
Ghosting is totally appropriate when someone feels unsafe or uncomfortable.
Stalking, toxic behaviors, manipulation, violent behavior, disrespectful language, narcissism, mental illness, and many other personality traits or behaviors can make someone feel uncomfortable or unsafe. General creepiness or weirdness, or even if you can’t quite put your finger on what’s making you feel uncomfortable, are other reasons when you should feel okay to cut off communication without an explanation.
In order to break the connection as quickly as possible while protecting their safety, ghosting someone in any of these scenarios is completely understandable.
If you’re worried that you accidentally made someone feel that way and want help from relationship experts who can help you avoid that in the future, click here.
8. They didn’t believe you were their soul mate
Have you ever heard someone talk about the concept of a soul mate or “the one”? This ideation is relatively common in the dating world.
In 2018, Dr. Gili Freedman conducted a study analyzing people’s belief in destiny and how that correlates with attitudes toward ghosting. She found that…
“People with stronger destiny beliefs were 60% more likely to see ghosting as an acceptable way to end a relationship.”
9. They have low emotional intelligence (EQ)
Emotional Intelligence comes down to whether or not people can access their own feelings, feel empathy for others, and communicate a range of emotional responses in nuanced situations.
“…build stronger relationships, succeed at school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you.”
Someone with low EQ may have a hard time understanding how their actions, like ghosting you, could be painful.
They may also lack the self-awareness to be able to voice how they feel or why they don’t want to date you anymore.
10. They may have emotional unavailability due to mental health or mindset
People who are plagued with mental health issues like depression or anxiety may lack the energy to grow and sustain a true connection with others. Some people even isolate, avoid social contact, and cut off relationships abruptly.
On the other hand, someone with bipolar disorder may contact you frequently at certain times and ghost you at others. Another factor to consider is if they are working through any kind of unresolved trauma.
Sometimes, feeling generally overwhelmed can prevent someone from replying. Low self esteem can also play an important factor. If someone doesn’t believe they could deserve someone as good as you, they may self-sabotage by giving you the silent treatment.
Last thoughts on why people ghost
Now that you know how to identify the reasons why people ghost, you’ll be able to take it less personally and move forward peacefully.
Your Next Steps
To make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build your dating skills on a foundation of confidence!
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Becoming more empathetic, authentic, humble, and confident doesn’t mean changing who you are. Developing your own unique vibe simply means becoming the best and truest version of yourself and expecting the same to be true of your partner.
To become your best and most confident self, consider Becoming A Benevolent Badass. Through our in-depth, personalized 1:1 coaching program, you will…
- Find your inner true north and deepest sense of self,
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- Rise up as an intentional social leader.
