“How Can I Feel More Relaxed and Happy on a First Date?”

Want to learn how you can truly enjoy first dates?

If you’re ready to learn how to stay in the moment and feel happy on a first date, this post is for you!

Do your first dates ever feel like interviews? Or do you tend to put pressure on yourself when you’re getting to know someone?

If you’re nodding your head, you’re certainly not alone.

For example, one of the introverted men we work with who we’ll call Simon shared that he gets overwhelmed thinking about a million things.

“When I’m out with a woman, I’m sizing her up, thinking about what I should and shouldn’t do, and trying to figure out what she is all about.”

Do you ever feel like Simon?

We understand how challenging it can be to feel happy on a first date when your thoughts are racing. Go ahead and take a deep breath, because we’re about to address that today!

We are going to show you how to…

  • Prepare before the first date (this will help you feel calm, comfortable, and confident!)
  • Stay in the moment (this prevents awkwardness and helps you truly enjoy your date!)
  • End the date smoothly (this offers a great transition if you’d like to see her again!)

By the end of this post, you will know exactly how to prepare for, enjoy, and graciously end your time together so that you can relax during first dates!


Why does it matter if you feel happy on a first date?

When you can settle into a comfortable internal atmosphere, it will be so much easier to be your authentic self. This also means it will be easier for you to connect with the woman you’re with and for her to get to know the true you.

This foundation creates space for a genuine connection, which could lead to a positive and uplifting relationship (whether it ends up being platonic or romantic!).

That’s not all, though! When you feel relaxed and happy, it will be easier for you to listen to your own heart. This will simplify your decision as to whether you’d like to keep seeing her after the date is over.

The best way to feel comfortable on a first date is to know yourself deeply. Do you want to feel confident about your natural gifts, attractive qualities, and character strengths.

Happily, this free ebook contains an exercise that will help you do just that! If you’re an introverted man looking to build confidence and start enjoying first dates, download your 22-page ebook here.

Now, let’s look at how you can polish your preparation process for first dates to create an enjoyable experience!


First, discover physical cues that indicate you’re feeling comfortable.

Before you find yourself on a first date, the very first thing you need to do is take stock physically of how you usually feel in your most peaceful, happy state.

What do you notice about yourself when you’re feeling good?

Some men say that they…

  • Notice relaxed shoulders instead of feeling tense or like their shoulders are stuck by their ears,
  • Catch themselves laughing easily or smiling a lot (some even say their cheeks ache from smiling so much),
  • Observe open body language (for example, their arms and legs may stay comfortably uncrossed),
  • Note less fidgeting when they’re feeling comfortable, and
  • Find themselves with naturally better posture without forcing it.

If you want to feel happy on a first date, match your body language to your most relaxed state (even before you may feel relaxed!) instead of trying to manage your thoughts in the moment.

Here’s how:

  • Smile at yourself during your final check in the mirror. Smiling releases those endorphins that make us feel happy!
  • Listen to a funny podcast that makes you laugh or a song that makes you smile on your way to your first date.
  • As you walk up to your date, take a deep breath and embody one of your physical cues (relax your shoulders or sit up straighter, for example).

When you take the time to learn from your body’s messages while you feel happy and relaxed, you uncover a shortcut to feeling that same way during your first date.

The connections between our bodies and minds are many, so it’s no surprise that just as your mind sends signals to your body, your body also sends signals back to your mind!

If you aren’t sure yet what it looks like for you personally when your physical cues indicate that you’re feeling happy or relaxed, don’t worry.

The next time you’re enjoying yourself in an environment that feels comfortable to you (perhaps while spending time with family or close friends), you can take a moment to notice one or two things that embody those positive feelings. Then, find creative ways to experience those same feelings in your body before going on your next first date.

Remember: when you want to feel more confident heading into a first date, use your body cues to help your mind relax and watch any anxious thoughts drift away!

Now that you have a simple way to set yourself up for an enjoyable experience, it’s time to learn how you can remain relaxed and happy throughout the whole first date.


Use these tips to stay calm as the date progresses.

These are sure to help you remain relaxed as the first date unfolds.

Redirect the conversation if it starts to feel like an interview.

When a first date starts to resemble a question-and-answer session, it’s natural to feel the excitement start to dwindle.

If you feel the conversation headed in that direction, bring it back to what’s most important and enjoyable. When you center the conversation around those things, it’s much easier to speak with passion, conviction, and excitement.

That means that when you respond to something your date said or answer her questions, you can be more passionate in your replies about things that bring you joy.

It’s just as important for you to offer her the same opportunity. When she’s sharing with you about the things she finds exciting and you’re doing the same, your first date is much more likely to flow with a natural tone.

Remain calm even if there is a period of silence.

It’s completely normal for a period of silence to happen during a first date. Instead of allowing yourself to feel intimidated, experiment with reframing your perspective to see silence for the gift that it is.

For example, if the conversation has been steady throughout the date, it’s likely that one or both of you could benefit from a sip of water.

Perhaps she needs to use the restroom and is grateful for the silence as an opportunity to excuse herself without seeming rude or interrupting you.

Best of all, silence is an invitation to be present to the moment you’re both experiencing. If you’re paying attention, it even offers a moment to observe your surroundings and start a new conversation about something you see or hear. More on that in a moment!

Instead of memorizing a bunch of conversation prompts, simply hold onto these three things.

Putting pressure on yourself to memorize a list of things to say can be counterintuitively unhelpful (which is great news because that’s not fun anyway!).

Instead, you can calmly and confidently focus on the three most reliable topic areas. Happily, no memorization is required because these are all things you can see:

1. Your environment

  • Other people you notice in the venue,
  • The vibe of the room,
  • Any food or drinks (on your table or on the way to another),
  • The music, or
  • If it’s a beautiful day or night.

2. Her

  • What she’s wearing,
  • Something that’s beautiful about her,
  • What she said earlier or a topic she seemed excited about,
  • An aspect you appreciate about her or her vibe,
  • Something you respect about her,
  • A thought she shared that was knowledgeable or playful, or
  • Anything kind that you generally noticed about her as a person.

3. Yourself

  • What you’re thinking about at that moment,
  • Something you’re excited about,
  • A relevant or recent happening in your life, or
  • Something positive and fun that you’re doing.

Now that you have some new resources to help you stay relaxed throughout your time together, let’s consider how you can gracefully exit any first date.


Finally, remember these tips as the date comes to a close.

This helps you enjoy the date and stay present in the moment without wondering about how the date will eventually wrap up.

Many of the men we work with worry that they’ll feel awkward as the date comes to a close. Happily, these tips will help you assess how you really feel and convey that with compassion.

Ask yourself: Would you like to see her again?

Remember that you don’t have to offer to go on another date if it wasn’t truly enjoyable to you. Instead, you can still end the date graciously by saying, “It was great to meet you!”

If you did enjoy your time and would like to have a second date, keep it simple. Let her know what you enjoyed about your time together and affirm that you’d like to see her again. After that, you can ask if she’d be interested in meeting again!

Still not sure? Let your physical cues help you make the decision.

You don’t have to worry about whether you’ll like her or how you’ll know if you should initiate a second date. Instead, call to mind the same physical cues that helped you prepare for your date in the first place.

In the moment when you catch yourself wondering if you like her, notice if you have any of those little cues.

What do you observe about the messages your body is sending to you? Feel your way through the decision.

The whole point is that you want to invest your time around people that make you feel great. If you don’t feel great, it’s wonderful to acknowledge that earlier rather than later. If you do feel awesome, consider that to be the green light to ask for another date!

Now you have some practical ways to end the first date (and determine whether you want to see her again). Let’s zoom out and review what you’ve learned.


Final reflections on feeling relaxed and happy on a first date.

Man and Woman Walking - Happy on a First DateNow that you know how to feel relaxed before, during, and as you end your first date, you’ll find that your first dates will be much more fun and enjoyable.

After reading this post, you know how to:

  • Discover the physical cues that mean you feel comfortable and confident,
  • Stay calm as the date progresses and contribute positively to the conversation, and
  • Part from the first date with grace, tact, and authenticity.

Don’t forget: one of the most powerful ways you can ensure that a first date goes well is to truly know yourself. That’s exactly why we’re inviting you to download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.” Those 22 pages are packed full of empowering tips, helpful resources, and an exercise that will reveal what makes you uniquely attractive. Get your copy here!

Or, if you’re ready to become genuinely attractive to quality women, replace “nice guy” patterns with genuine strength, and develop an unshakable sense of self, our Magnetic Confidence program is just the thing for you. This self-paced course allows you to absorb and integrate the material in your own personal timing, all while making your own path in the 7 domains of life. Learn more and enroll here!

Picture of Micayla from IA
Micayla from IA
Micayla is resident writer here at Introverted Alpha, which is known as the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of our 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

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Attracting An Amazing Girlfriend Starts With Finding Your Own Vibe.

In this powerful free 22-page ebook, "Why PUA Doesn't Work for Introverts And What Works Instead," you will uncover...


--> A 3-step exercise to find what makes you uniquely attractive
--> Why the “pickup artist” approach will never work for introverts and what works instead

--> How to attract women naturally being your best self

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